With the announcement of the Gorillaz’ latest album The Now Now also came the news that the band’s bassist, Murdoc Alphonce Niccals, had been incarcerated on smuggling charges. As a temporary solution, the band recruited Ace from The Powerpuff Girls to stand in for Murdoc which appears to be going smoothly so far and welcomed with open arms by fans worldwide. But what will become of Murdoc? His former band mates have expressed absolutely no concern regarding his situation, the police laugh at the claim that he is being framed and he needs your help. Now, a prison messaging service has been provided through the Gorillaz’ official Facebook, Skype and KIK pages so fans can to talk to Murdoc himself. As a fan and a naturally curious person I wasted no time giving this service a try.
My first correspondence with Murdoc went exactly like I suspected. He was erratic, possibly drunk and very pleased to finally get some contact with the outside world even if he referred to me as his absolute last resort. The conversation quickly moved to his innocence. “I’m chuffing innocent! Clean as a nun’s browser history!” he proudly proclaimed. I must admit I was skeptical. Murdoc has been in prison before, he even conformed this without absolutely any prompting from myself, then he began speaking of some being known only as “El Mierda” which piqued my interest. Murdoc was adamant that Mierda was responsible for framing him. While I still remain skeptical at this point, I merely shrugged at his request to help him find the proof he needed to get out of jail. Obviously this was taken as a ‘yes’ because he already wanted to set me off on my first quest.
Information, like most good things, comes at a price. Murdoc begins to explain that – since Noodle has frozen all his bank accounts- there is only one other currency accepted in prison: Respect. The quickest way for Murdoc to get the information he needs would be for him to pick a fight with the biggest, baddest criminal in the pen. Apparently this is an individual known as Big Balls McGuinness.
Seems easy, right? This is where I came in. Murdoc decided the easiest way to get on McGuinness’s bad side would be to have me hack into the prison mainframe to broadcast and type out a message to Big Balls for the rest of Wormwood Scrubs Prison to hear. I was given the username and the password. The plan went by rather easily though I’d rather not type out the message. It was quite rude but the intention was to get on his nerves, wasn’t it? I can only guess what happened after the announcement. It’s safe to assume the fight took place right afterwards though my chat with Murdoc ended suddenly. It was over a month later that I received a message from Wormwood, offering me a fortnightly digital visitors pass which I happily accepted. Then, after filling out a small questionnaire, I was put back into contact with Murdoc, much to my dismay.
I wasn’t too surprised to see Murdoc in a beaten and bloody state. While he is known for running his mouth it has never been confirmed that he is any sort of fighter. This time he skipped all the small talk, and got right down to business. He recounted how poorly he did in the fight then suddenly expressed more worry about El Mierda. “I was worried the bastard might have got to you, put the frighteners on you. Some say he can turn your own mother against you, so watch your back. Let not the Beast get a taste for you, for his teeth shall feast on your flesh for all eternity.” He muttered through his wired jaw whilst looking around the room. Obviously, this is yet another example of him being a drama queen. At least I think it was. Anyway, the plan apparently worked. After proving he could take a punch Murdoc’s status in the prison elevated considerably.
Now it was time to begin phase 2 of his master plan. New sources have told Murdoc that an associate of El Mierda’s was residing in the prison. A little too convenient for my taste but who am I to judge? I’ve gone this far already. May as well take the next step. This associate is a gentleman that goes by the name of Vlad the Inhaler.
Not very friendly looking now is he? Apparently the only way to track down El Mierda was to get to this guy. Somewhere on his body is a tattoo of a map to El Miedra’s hideout for…some very, very strange reason…Anyway, using his new found hacking skills Murdoc expects me to chat with Vlad while pretending to be his fiance Millie. The new mission? To get him to send me a picture of that tattoo. And to remember the word BEETLEJUICE for some reason. I am currently on standby waiting for Vlad’s call. Meanwhile, all I can do is hope the tattoo is located somewhere normal like his leg or his back or his head…
Lucky for you, dear readers, I am not the only one who engage in this highly illegal endeavor with Murdoc. By going on the Gorillaz official Facebook, Skype and KIK pages you too can talk to Murdoc yourself! You can visit their site as well. Just wait till Friday (August 3rd) at 3PM and every fortnight after that, type ‘get started’ in any of the messengers to be automatically connected to the directory for Wormwood Scrubs. Help him break out and Murdoc will surely owe you a great debt. Whether or not he repays you is up for debate.
Follow the hashtag #FREEMURDOC to get updates or assistance hacking into that pesky mainframe.
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