DISCLAIMER: This recap of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 5 Episode 7, “A House Full of Extremely Lame Horses,” contains spoilers. Proceed at your peril.
Tits up! “A House Full of Extremely Lame Horses” is a clever title courtesy of a frustrated Janusz. While I’m not sure it entirely lives up to said title, it’s a serviceable outing nonetheless. It’s not Maisel‘s best, but it’s also not its worst. Abe’s mental spirals over inane and trivial things will always be ripe for comedy, and it’s fun to glimpse into Rose’s future with her matchmaking business.
Midge exhibits significant character development regarding the Jack Paar showcase. She remains professional when it doesn’t go her way and doesn’t let it derail her from her overall objective. That said, her scene in the bathroom where she’s sobbing uncontrollably profoundly resonates with me. Also, the blatant sexism re: Paar’s reason for rejecting her is ridiculous, especially when she’s funnier than every other comic in that showcase.
Ready to delve into “A House Full of Extremely Lame Horses”? Let’s get to it.
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We open with a scene from a sitcom starring Danny Stevens (Hank Azaria) and Carole (Sutton Foster), which Shirley (Caroline Aaron) and Moishe (Kevin Pollak) are watching. Ethan and Esther play with their toys on the floor next to them while they laugh heartily at the TV. Meanwhile, Midge (Rachel Brosnahan) and Rose (Marin Hinkle) explore the dimensions of the Maisels’ home to determine if it’s the right fit for Rose’s matchmaking event. Rose hopes to have a dance instructor present. When Midge notices how much the Maisels love Danny Stevens, she reveals he will be a guest on The Gordon Ford Show that week. She can get them tickets.
Maisel‘s trademark comedic misunderstandings ensue as Shirley and Moishe inexplicably can’t understand that Midge works at Gordon Ford as a writer. Regardless, someone will secure tickets for the couple. Then, we flash forward to 1973, wherein Rose records a commercial for her matchmaking business, which has grown significantly over 12 years. Rose Weissman’s One Plus One Equals Love Romance Emporium is here for your every romantic need. The business title’s a bit long, but what can ya do? After 196 takes, Midge gives Rose a pep talk. She doesn’t feel the commercial shoot is going in her favor.
We return to 1961, with Midge struggling to do Esther’s hair while Rose attempts to fix a stove problem, and Abe (Tony Shalhoub) gives Ethan a piano lesson before school. Zelda (Matilda Szydagis) arrives unexpectedly to show Rose how to restart the pilot light on the stove for her tea and where she left the book that explains in-depth how to tend to the apartment. Janusz (Alexander Gemignani) argues with Zelda in Polish about letting the Weissmans fly on their own. They can’t rely on her forever. Even when the phone rings, they refrain from answering immediately, thinking Zelda will do it. No more, Janusz says.
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Midge discovers a flooding issue in their bathroom, with Ethan’s toy boat being the culprit. Unfortunately, the flooding has affected the apartments below them, so Midge must apologize to each apartment owner. She asks Abe to accompany Ethan to a parent-teacher conference at the boy’s school. He does this, albeit grudgingly. Here’s hoping the snacks there are worth it. Midge arrives at work and vents about her morning to the guys in the writers’ room. Mike (Jason Ralph) calls everyone to the railing to inform the group that he’s now the producer in place of George Toledano. Gordon (Reid Scott), standing with everyone else, lovingly pokes fun at Mike and his big first-day speech.
Meanwhile, Abe’s at Ethan’s school for the parent-teacher conference. He’s smitten with a wonderfully sweet and salty pretzel snack. After seeing what the other kids are up to during their free time, i.e., engineering pet hotels, solving math equations and writing plays, he wonders why Ethan is in the “happy group.” The instructor leading the tour claims it’s because Ethan’s simply a happy child. The happiest, in fact. That’s when Abe learns Ethan failed his aptitude test, meaning he’s not as “book smart” as Abe had hoped. After all, the Weissman men are historically praised for their intellect. He demands Ethan retake the test.
Next, Danny Stevens joins Midge and the others in the writers’ room. He reads off the jokes his writers crafted for him, which fall flat. Danny’s there to promote his autobiography, so Midge suggests he tell stories about his life to the audience. You can always find the funny in the truth. Then, Abe is devastated to learn Ethan inexplicably did worse after retaking the aptitude test. At least he spelled his name correctly this time, right? Before the show, Midge finds the Maisels in the front row. Danny takes Midge’s advice and regales the crowd with anecdotes from his life.
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After the show, Midge joins Gordon and Danny at Toots Shor to celebrate said show’s success. Impressed with Midge’s comedic skills, Danny tries to poach her for an upcoming project in front of her current employer. He even offers to pay her more than Gordon. Gordon accuses Danny of flirting with Midge, culminating in a full-on fight between the two men. Toots Shor kicks Gordon out of his establishment … again.
Now, it’s time for the rare Maisel flashback to 1954 at Columbia University. Joel (Michael Zegen) meets with Abe in the latter’s office. Abe tells his future son-in-law about the Weissman men’s book, which chronicles their unique gifts. He urges Joel not to talk to his first-born son until age 6. Why? Because it’ll ensure he’s smart as all get-out. Fast forward to 1961, with Midge, Rose, Abe, Noah (Will Brill) and Astrid (Justine Lupe) eating dinner. Noah and Astrid are having another baby, so there’s that. Abe complains about the conundrum posed because of Ethan’s lack of book smarts. This throws off the Weissman first-born male streak.
Joel enters the picture and orders the family to stop accusing his son of being “stupid.” He didn’t follow Abe’s advice because he didn’t think the latter was serious. Other dinner table discussion topics include pink toilets matching pink bathtubs and whether a doctor can reuse test tubs (short and long answer: no). Zelda and Janusz are there, much to Janusz’s irritation. Zelda claims she’s disconnecting her telephone, so they’ll stop calling her. Set those healthy boundaries, girl.
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Meanwhile, Susie (Alex Borstein) plays poker with Mike, Ken Bruni (Rob Hancock) and Vic (Michael Bakkensen). Fun fact: Ken is Shy Baldwin’s manager: we last saw him in Season 4 Episode 5, “How to Chew Quietly and Influence People.” Susie’s kicking butt at the poker table. Mike pulls her aside and informs her that he’s submitted Midge for a comedian showcase for Jack Paar. It’s invitation only, and Midge is the only female comic in the lineup. If Paar selects her, she’ll perform on his show. Mike tells Susie that George’s rule about no staff being on Gordon’s show also happens to be Gordon’s rule. So, it’s best to put that dream to bed.
Later, Susie and Midge chat backstage at The Wolford. Susie breaks the news that Midge will never perform on Gordon Ford. However, this Jack Paar showcase could be a boon for her career. When Midge arrives at work the following day, Mike confronts Midge regarding her pay bump. She now makes as much as the men in the writers’ room — in fact, she makes slightly more than Ralph. Midge Maisel: endeavoring to close the gender pay gap since 1961. She asks Gordon why she got a raise. He reveals he had to increase her pay to ward off Danny Stevens.
Before she departs Gordon’s office, Midge tells him she’s doing the Jack Paar showcase. She asks Gordon to reconsider having her on his show before Paar scoops her up. Gordon remains firm in his decision. She leans over his desk and confidently says she’s going to get it. She will succeed. That’s my girl. Tits all the way up.
Midge performs at the showcase and blows the competition out of the water. She gets the best, loudest laughs of the night. Afterward, Susie chats with Pete (Rob McClure), the rep for Jack Paar, about Midge’s chances. We hear Susie raise her voice. Uh-oh. Pete claims he doesn’t “get” Midge. She’s a woman, and a pretty one, at that, but what else is there? He claims Jack also doesn’t believe she’s a fit for his show.
However, Jack is interested in James, Susie’s fast-rising movie star, as a guest. Susie insists it’s not his time yet. Midge encourages her not to bungle this opportunity for James because of her. She graciously thanks Pete for his time and the chance to showcase her talents. Midge is growing. Susie talks to James (Jay Will) on the phone, who’s excited to be on his first talk show. Unfortunately, Susie urges him to reject the offer because “it’s not his time.” James orders Susie to make the appearance happen, or he’ll find another manager. He hangs up. Good for him. I wouldn’t put up with someone sabotaging my career when they’re supposed to help it.
We’re in 1973 again, and this time, Midge’s accountant encourages her to shutter Rose’s business. It’s hemorrhaging money. Midge will recover more financial security if she shuts it down. Midge stands up to him, claiming this is her mother’s pride and joy, and she doesn’t know how much time she has left with Rose. Is Rose sick, or is this merely because she’s older? In 1961, Midge arrives after the showcase and sequesters herself in the bathroom, where she bursts into tears. Abe tries to check on Midge but is distracted by beautiful piano playing. It’s Esther, who has a knack for music. Perhaps she’s the one breaking the Weissman male streak.
The episode ends with a scene from Danny Stevens’ sitcom, including his musical performance of “Nancy (With The Laughing Face).”
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I’m curious to see what the final two episodes hold for us. Will Midge abandon her mission to perform on Gordon Ford, or will her rejection from Jack Paar spur her to double down on it? Will we even witness her star-making moment in real time? Can Abe recover from the shock of Ethan falling short intellectually and foster Esther’s genius instead? Only time (and two more episodes) will tell.
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel streams new episodes every Friday on Prime Video.
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What I do: I'm GGA's Managing Editor, a Senior Contributor, and Press Coordinator. I manage, contribute, and coordinate. Sometimes all at once. Joking aside, I oversee day-to-day operations for GGA, write, edit, and assess interview opportunities/press events.
Who I am: Before moving to Los Angeles after studying theater in college, I was born and raised in Amish country, Ohio. No, I am not Amish, even if I sometimes sport a modest bonnet.
Bylines in: Tell-Tale TV, Culturess, Sideshow Collectibles, and inkMend on Medium.
Critic: Rotten Tomatoes, CherryPicks, and the Hollywood Creative Alliance.
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