DISCLAIMER: This Preacher recap contains more spoilers than the number of times Cassidy has been knocked unconscious and kidnapped. Here’s hoping someday our favorite vampire will have the upper hand in a fight. You’ve been warned. Say your prayers, and enter at your own peril. 

Welcome back, sinners! Preacher gave us a glimpse this week into Marie’s torture methods. Let me tell you, they ain’t pretty. Betty Buckley is scarier than God in a latex dog costume, and I sincerely hope she’s showered in all the accolades for her performance in Preacher. All hail the Queen. Jesse was reintroduced to an old friend – the coffin. Yes, Dominic Cooper was really submerged underwater in a coffin. He went method for this, folks. Meanwhile, Cassidy went on a date with a vampire, who actually turned out to be a “poser.” Then, after Herr Starr tracked him down, Cass was kidnapped by a group known as “Les Enfants du Sang” – more vampires. Or are they? 

Alright, ready to delve into “The Coffin?” Just be sure to leave a few snacks in the coffin for Jesse. One can work up a mighty appetite when claustrophobia kicks in. 

We open with Tulip (Ruth Negga) entering the Angelville mansion with a gun in hand. She quietly enters Marie’s (Betty Buckley) room to find the latter sound asleep. Of course, we know just what O’Hare is up to – she plans to kill Marie, thus breaking the curse on Jesse. However, she hesitates and ultimately flees the scene. She returns to the bedroom she shares with Jesse (Dominic Cooper), who is also asleep. Tulip rouses him from his slumber and proposes the following: kill Gran’ma. Then, return to the mission at hand. “God isn’t going to kick his own a**,” she declares. I love Tulip O’Hare so much. 

Dominic Cooper as Jesse Custer, Ruth Negga as Tulip O’Hare – Preacher _ Season 3, Episode 5 – Photo Credit: Alfonso Bresciani/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

Meanwhile, TC (Colin Cunningham) and Jody (Jeremy Childs) have discovered that Cassidy has escaped. They immediately storm Jesse and Tulip’s room. Of course, our favorite couple knows Marie’s lackeys are coming, so they brace themselves for a bout of fisticuffs. TC soundlessly lowers himself into the bedroom behind the duo, and thus the fight begins. Jody barges into the room and takes on Jesse, while Tulip goes toe-to-toe with TC. “Werewolves of London” serves as the musical backdrop for this fight scene. One thing I’ve always loved about Preacher fight scenes, besides the fact that the cast performs their own choreography, is the classic rock soundtrack that accompanies them. Very Guardians of the Galaxy. Just plain ol’ whimsical fun. 

After Tulip takes out TC with a roundhouse kick, she finds Jody dragging an unconscious Jesse outside. Tulip brandishes her gun, pointing it at Jody. However, Marie is right behind them all, clenching the blood compact she has with Jesse in her hand. This causes our preacher to gasp for air as Marie squeezes the breath from his lungs. She demands Tulip relinquishes her weapon, otherwise Jesse dies. TC also arrives on the scene brandishing his own gun. Finally, Tulip relents, dropping her gun. Later, we see Jesse is serving his punishment in the coffin – Marie’s torture device that was introduced last season. Said coffin is submerged under the swamp water. 

Next, Herr Starr (Pip Torrens) is sitting at his desk, the Grail headquarters at another undisclosed location. The Allfather (Jonny Coyne) calls Starr on his iPad. Now, the first thing you’ll notice about the Allfather is his extreme size – he’s dangerously obese. Not only that, but despite the stomach stapling (which Starr comments on), the Allfather continues to eat gluttonously. Allfather is Starr’s boss, and he inquires of the current Messiah’s progress. You know, Humperdoo. Starr, of course, reveals that Humperdoo is not ready to take his place as the Messiah, but Allfather still wishes to see something that proves the contrary. Thus, Starr brings the only talent Humperdoo possesses to the table – tap dancing. 

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Now, we see Humperdoo (Tyson Ritter) tap dancing gleefully to a number performed on piano and sang by F.J. Hoover (Malcolm Barrett). The Allfather watches from an iPad, while Lara Featherstone (Julie Ann Emery) approaches Starr with an out-of-the-box idea. Starr refuses to hear said idea, as he’s currently convinced that the Allfather will skin him alive for Humperdoo’s lack of progress. However, surprisingly, when the tap number ends, the Allfather wheezes with delight. He showers Humperdoo with praise for the latter’s performance. Plot twist! 

Pip Torrens as Herr Starr, Julie Ann Emery as Featherstone – Preacher _ Season 3, Episode 5 – Photo Credit: Alfonso Bresciani/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

Later, Tulip is being held captive in her room. She spots a key laying on the carpet a few feet from her, and attempts to wriggle toward it – or as much as her ankle clasp will allow. Unfortunately, Marie wheels in with TC and Jody in tow. Marie lays on some thinly veiled threats, which Tulip responds to in typical Tulip fashion. She’s utterly unphased by Marie’s formidable presence. However, Marie orders Jody to keep Tulip under lock and key. 

Meanwhile, the Allfather expresses his delight over Humperdoo’s “brilliance.” He orders the Grail expedites the ascension process, and adds that those who refuse to follow Humperdoo will descend into the fiery pits of Hell. Starr reluctantly acquiesces. Once the Allfather signs off, Hoover and Featherstone assert that their mission to reinstate Jesse as the Messiah is crucial now more than ever. Featherstone divulges her idea to Starr, about tracking down Cassidy in New Orleans and using him as bait to lure Jesse to the Grail side of things. Should be easy as pie, right?

Now, we arrive in New Orleans with Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun). He’s perusing a new dating app called “Bite Me,” which must be for vampires, right? He’s currently chatting it up with another member of the undead while scoring some pills from a drug dealer. Our Cass is quite the multitasker. He picks a meeting spot for the duo, and now Cass has to clean up for a date. Because, you know, he’s still covered head to toe in dried blood. Hey, she might like that. She is a vampire, after all. 

Next, Jesse is still trapped in the underwater coffin. We see the markings from when he was last trapped there – the crude etching of Tulip’s name, for one. He descends into a daydream, where he’s known as the “Marshall” of a Western town. Everything is suffused in black and white to give the daydream that “vintage” feel. Jesse is accompanied by another cowboy (Danny Vinson) and the two take on an arch rival gang. We see there are train tracks behind them. The scene is reminiscent of a John Wayne film. Jesse and his cowboy comrade shoot the gang in tandem. Then, Jesse spots a train slowly approaching. 

Meanwhile, Cassidy is cleaned up and currently in the middle of his date. Lisa (Lucy Faust) is merely excited that Cassidy looks like his online profile picture. They divulge their “vampire” ages and talk of what it’s like to live forever. While Cassidy’s views differ from Lisa, he’s clearly relieved to find someone like him. Suddenly, the pair is in the restaurant bathroom, snogging like the world is going to end. Lisa reaches in her purse for plastic fangs and dons them. She urges Cassidy to “ravage” her. Cassidy realizes that she’s not a real vampire. His authentic fangs release and he puts the fear of Dog in her, referring to her as a “poser.” Lisa flees the scene, utterly terrified. Cassidy approaches the bar and commences a drinking binge like the world is going to end. Or it’s a Tuesday. Nobody likes Tuesdays. 

Luca Faust as Lisa, Joseph Gilgun as Cassidy – Preacher _ Season 3, Episode 5 – Photo Credit: Alfonso Bresciani/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

Later, while Jody isn’t looking, Tulip attempts to escape her restraints. Unfortunately, Jody catches her in the act and decides to sit right next to her. Meanwhile, TC attempts to comfort a distraught Marie. He proposes torture methods for Tulip. Marie hints at potentially killing Tulip, but TC reminds her that Jesse would never forgive her. He urges Marie to take a sabbatical from punishing Tulip by “playing.” Uh oh. Why does this sound more ominous than torture? 

Next, we see Jesse is still wrapped in his daydream. However, his cowboy comrade reminds him of Tulip, and Jesse promptly snaps out of it. He begins planning his escape. He scrapes away the flimsy wood of the coffin lid until a hole is created. Water leaks inside. Then, he procures his carton of cigarettes and snaps one in half, using said halves to plug his ears. Jesse removes the white collar from his shirt and uses it to plug the hole. He lights a cigarette and plants it within the collar. We see the flammable tanks outside that are attached to the coffin, so that it can be raised and lowered without doing so by hand. Jesse is attempting to explode his way out of his swamp prison. Good thinking! 

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Unfortunately, his first attempt doesn’t work, and the coffin quickly fills up with water. Uh oh. Meanwhile, we see Marie and TC donning Civil War era costumes and engaging in a bit of role play. So this is what TC meant by “playing.” They play star-crossed lovers, and TC even plants a smooch on Gran’ma. However, when TC forgets his lines, Maris becomes furious and calls the whole role play off. TC was merely trying to improvise, Marie. 

Then, TC barges upstairs to bring Tulip to Marie, but our girl has already freed herself from her bonds. She runs past TC and makes a beeline for Marie. The two engage in battle, Tulip even brandishing a blade and attempting to slice Marie’s throat. However, Tulip manages to choke the life out of Marie and the elder woman collapses, lifeless. Jesse, whose cigarette lighting trick finally worked and demolished the coffin he was trapped in, barges into Marie’s room. Just as Tulip congratulates herself on successfully killing Marie, she too keels over – dead. How many times can one person die, you ask? Tulip knows the answer to that. 

Of course, TC sheds light on the situation by reminding Jesse that Tulip’s life is intertwined with Marie’s. Thus, he needs to be attempting to resuscitate his Gran’ma, not his girlfriend. While Tulip is lying on the ground, lifeless, she spots God (Mark Harelik), who is still donning his latex dog costume. He lights a cigarette and mocks Tulip for dying yet again. Thankfully, Jesse revives Gran’ma and Tulip returns to the Land of the Living in kind. 

Ruth Negga as Tulip O’Hare, Betty Buckley as Grandma, Dominic Cooper as Jesse Custer, Colin Cunningham as TC, Jeremy Childs as Jody – Preacher _ Season 3, Episode 5 – Photo Credit: Alfonso Bresciani/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

Meanwhile, Cassidy is perched at the same bar in the restaurant, incoherent and plastered beyond belief. Well, downing pills and booze will do that to you. He passes out at the bar. Lara is there in disguise, and she calls in Starr for reinforcements. We see the Grail waltz in and vacate the restaurant in one fell swoop. Hoover sets up a camera and they situate the barely conscious Cassidy into a chair. They hand him cue cards to read from, but Cassidy can hardly read in his current state. He’s too inebriated…for once. Finally, Cassidy falls out of his chair and begins to snooze. Starr decides to deliver his own message on camera – reminding Jesse that the period for negotiation has ended. Should Jesse refuse to resume his role as the Messiah, Cassidy will be mercilessly tortured. 

Suddenly, an attack orchestrated by unseen persons takes place – members of the Grail are knocked unconscious, including Starr. We see Cassidy is dragged away. Well, there goes that plan. 

Later, Tulip kicks herself for messing up again. However, Jesse reminds her that she couldn’t have known that her life was intertwined with Marie’s. TC enters the scene and informs the duo that the adrenaline they used on Marie has weakened the elder woman’s heart. Tulip reveals that she feels perfectly healthy. TC tells her that she’ll feel normal until Marie’s heart stops. So, what can they do to save Gran’ma? Give her a soul. “She needs to eat,” TC reveals. Jody votes they use Tulip’s soul, but Jesse immediately comes to her defense. Suddenly, the foursome breaks into another brawl, at each other’s throats. Well, Marie might get her soul from her very household at this rate. 

Joseph Gilgun as Cassidy – Preacher _ Season 3, Episode 5 – Photo Credit: Alfonso Bresciani/AMC/Sony Pictures Television

Then, Cassidy regains consciousness at a mysterious location. He sees Lisa leaning over him, her plastic fangs still in place. A slew of “vampires” surrounds him. A man named Eccarius (Adam Croasdell), clad in Gothic apparel, reveals that they are known as “Les Enfants du Sang,” or “Children of Blood.” Cassidy never goes looking for adventure, but somehow it always finds him. 

Preacher is always a wild ride, and this episode was no exception. We were introduced to two new characters – the Allfather and Eccarius. Not to mention, we learned that Tulip and Marie’s lives are entwined – if one dies, so does the other. Which totally screws the pooch on Tulip’s grand murdering plan. What a way to raise the stakes! MVP goes to Buckley, who once again steals the show with her nuanced performance. She reminds us that Marie is the most formidable enemy Jesse has faced thus far. I’m also tickled pink that Cassidy is getting his time in the sun (figuratively, of course) – he’s always been a favorite of mine, and Gilgun plays him to perfection. 

Do you think the Children of Blood are real vampires? We know that Lisa doesn’t possess real fangs. Whose soul will Jesse and Tulip use to save Marie? How will this affect their plans of escape? Join me next week as I recap Preacher here on Geek Girl Authority. 

Preacher airs Sundays at 10pm on your AMC affiliate. 

 

 

Melody McCune
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