In a shocking turn of events last week, What We Do in The Shadows will never be the same. In “The Portrait,” the vampires make plans to move on after a devastating loss.
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THE PORTRAIT
Yes, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) is dead. But vampires don’t do “feelings”. Instead they have a new portrait of the coven made and once its complete, they can forget about their loss. Luckily Donel Logue is there to paint the portrait that includes The Guardian (Kristen Schaal), The Baron (Doug Jones), the Sire, and the HellHound. Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) is even in the portrait even though he’s a human.
So how are the vampires dealing with Colin Robinson’s death? Well, Laszlo (Matt Berry) is ready to move on. He hasn’t even visited Colin Robinson’s body to say goodbye but he won’t let anyone touch or move Colin Robinson’s body. Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) isn’t emotional, but you can tell the death affects her … a little. And Nandor (Kayvan Novak), he’s the most affected. Nandor hasn’t been doing well lately and decides it’s time for him to leave the coven. But we knew that already. This time, he wants to travel the world. And he wants Guillermo to plan his travel for him. Guillermo lives to serve his master but he’s crushed when Nandor tells Guillermo to stay behind. Nandor says he won’t stay on the island of Staten only to be left alone.
Guillermo turns to Nadja to reason with Nandor, only to find out that she may be leaving too. Viago (Taika Waititi) from the Supreme Worldwide Vampiric Council invites Nadja to join them in London, England. There’s just one problem. The Brit of the group, Laszlo made a vow to never return to England. One because the British are a bunch of wankers and the Sherwood Club expelled him because he fell in love with Nadja. Nadja can’t go if Laszlo doesn’t go.
Guillermo asks Laszlo about England just to be sure. Laszlo confirms that he will never, ever, ever, ever, ever return to England. Guillermo returns to Nandor to let him know that no one is leaving. Only to find the Guardian helping Nandor with his travel plans. The vampire hunter informs his master that Nadja and Lazslo aren’t leaving, but Nandor is excited about seeing the world.
MOVING ON
Everyone gathers to finish the portrait. Guillermo tries to get the group to talk about their feelings. Instead Nadja bursts out that she’s been offered a job in England and she wants to go. Nandor announces he is leaving too to rediscover his groove. Nadja Doll is excited, but Laszlo hates the idea. Nadja and Laszlo fight about the possibility of leaving until Nadja says the job is with the Supreme Vampiric Council. Meaning they will be in positions of power in the upper classes. Laszlo changes his mind and agrees to leave.
The portrait is finished and everyone leaves to pack. Guillermo runs away to pout in Nandor’s room. Nandor tries to warn Guillermo of the dangerous world, but Guillermo reminds him that Nandor is only alive because of him. He is by birth a vampire killer. The only reason Nandor is alive is because Guillermo let him live. (Gasp!)
Nandor laughs, remembering that they hypnotized Guillermo so he could never harm his masters. Guillermo grabs Nandor and holds him by the neck, saying hypnosis doesn’t work on him. They start fighting, but Guillermo is really strong and quick. He even body slams Nandor! Guillermo ends the fight with a silver crucifix around his neck.
Nandor is happy that Guillermo passed his test. He proved he can take care of himself and more importantly, Nandor. The vampire finally asks Guillermo to accompany him on his trip around the world. He might just be scared of Guillermo, but he also promises to turn Guillermo into a vampire. Guillermo happily agrees and tries to hug Nandor, to which Nandor declines.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
Everyone packs their things. Laszlo attempts to pack that awful cursed hat, but Nadja stops him. Guillermo promised to help them load their coffins onto their boat. His way of saying goodbye. Nandor doesn’t like it but says it’s okay. He even agrees to take Guillermo’s luggage to the train station where they will meet later.
Nadja is ready to go, but Laszlo is nowhere to be found. He comes out of the basement, white as a ghost. Nadja thinks he was saying goodbye to Colin Robinson’s body but he plays it off like it’s nothing. When they get to the dock, Guillermo bids them farewell. Nadja enters her coffin first. Guillermo loads up Oreos and Pedialyte for Laszlo. Laszlo says it’s worth gold in England. As Guillermo loads the last bag of Oreos, Laszlo asks him to look after Nadja. Laszlo pushes Guillermo into the coffin and nails it shut. Guillermo screams for his master to wait for him.
Nandor waits for Guillermo at the subway station, but must leave him and his luggage behind. Laszlo watches the coffins get loaded onto the boat. He writes a letter to Nadja, apologizing for abandoning her with Guillermo. He says Gizmo is a good body guard, but he knows Nadja doesn’t need anyone to keep her safe. She has grown into a strong, bold, and independent woman of the world. He thought she needed him but that’s not true anymore. There are others in the world whose future is far less certain. Their existence is even more terrifying and mysterious than theirs. And who are weak and defenseless and need protection and care.
When Laszlo went to the basement to say goodbye to Colin Robinson’s body, he found something out of the ordinary. First he smelt something strange. When he removed the sheet from Colin Robinson’s body, he found the hole in his head and a hole in his stomach. There was a trail of some kind of bodily fluid leading into another room. When Laszlo opened the door to that room, he found a baby crying. The baby turned to look at Laszlo and it had Colin Robinson’s face. Colin Robinson is reborn!
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What We Do in The Shadows airs Thursdays on FX and the next day on FX on Hulu.
News Editor, Senior Contributor, and Press Editor. Coordinate breaking news, trailers and press releases. I also contribute reviews, recaps and interviews. Creator of the Indigenerd Wire, a column dedicated to the Indigenous creatives in pop culture.
GGA's resident Indigenerd, a little bit rez, a little bit classy...with a love for all things Star Wars, zombies, science fiction, and Indigenous. My ultimate goal is to start my own podcast.
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