Baby Colin Robinson is not a baby anymore and he’s miserable. He’s somewhere around the ages of 15-18 ish. He spends his time brooding and listening to rock music on his headphones. Colin is difficult to deal with and Laszlo (Matt Berry) is at a loss on how to get through to him. He just wants Colin to be a happy child again. Colin’s other parental figure Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) has no idea what to do either. He says Colin looks like an adult, but mentally he’s all over the place. The only thing that makes Colin happy is hammering the walls in the basement.
After Baby Colin left Nadja’s (Natasia Demetriou) nightclub, it’s been hard for her to find an act as good as BCR. She’s tried everything from rap battles, to human comedy acts and letting Laszlo perform. The vampires don’t like anything. The only things that have been successful are bachelorette parties and children’s birthday parties. Even the haunted house was a failure.
Laszlo and Guillermo often discuss how to handle Baby Colin. Guillermo is happy that Colin isn’t a boring energy vampire, but Laszlo would prefer that to the insolent little monster. Nandor (Kayvan Novak) says they just don’t know how to talk to today’s youth. And he does. Several of his soldiers were teenagers. He goes to the basement to have a word with Baby Colin.
When Nandor gets to the basement, Colin can’t hear him. He’s playing rock music very loudly and hammering away at the walls. Nandor turns off the music and talks to Colin. He tells him that the best way to rock out is to be polite to his housemates and his elders. Colin thanks him for his wisdom and Nandor leaves the room, thinking he got through to Colin. He didn’t.
The Guide (Kristen Schaal) introduces Nadja to P.T. Barnum. P.T. Barnum has been dead for 150 years, so Nadja is confused. Before the Guide can explain, Baby Colin shows up with a CD of his music. He gives it to the Guide and asks if she wants to hang out. Or whatever, he doesn’t care. Ok. Bye.
The Vampiric Council library is full of knowledgeable books. The Guide found a book containing an ancient art form of summoning the dead. It’s pretty easy, but the Guide can only bring back the people whose souls she owns. And she has a large collection of souls.
Nadja asks the Guide to show her. The Guide mixes the ingredients from the book and pours the soul in. The soul of the person will live for about 24 hours before dissolving back into the ingredients from whence they came. She brings Jazz musician Scott Joplin back to life.
THE LAST STRAW
Laszlo and Guillermo are forced to sit down with Colin after he steals Sean’s (Anthony Atamanuik) car. Sean isn’t too upset, he understands how kids are. Laszlo is frustrated. Colin is frustrated too. He asks why Laszlo can’t tell him who his parents are, or where he came from, or why he has thoughts of hammering the basement walls, or why he’s growing so fast. Laszlo says they are doing their best.
The two continue to argue, prompting Sean to intervene. He tells Laszlo and Colin to stand up, face each other and fight. Guillermo stops them before either can hit each other. Colin says he feels better. He apologizes to Laszlo for disappointing him and to Sean for stealing his car. He offers to help Sean get his car out of the river. As they leave, Colin’s eyes light up with electricity.
Laszlo is suspicious of Colin’s behavior. Guillermo says the kid is feeding on them. Instead of boring the energy out of them, he’s making them mad and feeding on their anger. Laszlo decides it’s time to tell Colin what he is.
LAST DITCH EFFORT
Based on the Guide’s newfound talent for raising the dead, Nadja decides to feature key figures in history in a live panel. It doesn’t go well. The Guide suggested that Nadja do her homework on her guests, but everyone on the first panel couldn’t even speak English.
Laszlo tells Colin that he’s an energy vampire. Colin thinks that sounds awful and wonders why Laszlo didn’t do anything to stop it. All Laszlo can say is that ‘man makes plans and you know who laughs.’ Colin is appalled that Laszlo is blaming God. When he says the name ‘God,’ Laszlo burns. Colin throws a fit, tells Laszlo he hates him and runs away.
Guillermo and Freddie broke up after last week. He says he’s doing okay, but he’s clearly not. He says the job is boring and he feels like an empty nester now that Colin is grown and Marwa (Parisa Fakhri) is gone. Things just seem to go back to the way they were before. And Guillermo feels like a hamster on a wheel.
Guillermo checks in on Nandor. He’s been pretty quiet since Marwa left, but says he enjoys the quiet and appreciates being alone. Guillermo doesn’t get it. Nandor made a huge deal about finding a wife and having a wedding. And now that’s all gone and he’s just fine? Guillermo says nothing ever changes and Nandor likes it.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
The Guide comes up with the idea to record Nadja’s history panels and put them on the internet. They will make money by selling advertising time. Nadja incorporates the ad into the interviews with cue cards. But it doesn’t work. They didn’t make any money because no one listened. So Nadja does the only thing she knows to do. Nadja invites The Guide to sleep at the mansion for a girls night. Then she sends the wraiths to Universal Orlando Resort for a vacation. She also gets rid of the film crew and sets the club on fire.
Colin goes back to the basement to hammer the walls and finds a box inside the wall. The box contains a slide. He gets the projector from upstairs and sees that the picture is actually a map with three marked places on the wall. He hits the wall on those three marks and the wall collapses, revealing a secret room. Inside the secret room are a bunch of boxes with notebooks inside and all of OG Colin Robinson’s clothes. Colin takes a notebook and sits at a desk inside the room and starts reading.
The next night, Nadja and the Guide return to the nightclub. The fire set off the blood sprinklers and the sprinklers actually worked. The fire was distinguished and the only damage was to Nadja’s office. Nadja’s only thought is about how much money they can get from the fire. The firefighter says it depends on their insurance. Nadja doesn’t know what insurance is. She sits in her office and cries over burnt money.
As Colin reads the notebooks, he notices that his hair is falling out. He starts having a hard time reading and there just happens to be a pair of glasses in the desk drawer. He puts them on and he can see perfectly.
THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY STAY THE SAME
Nadja blames Guillermo for not purchasing fire insurance for the club. While she yells at him, OG Colin Robins returns, sweater vest and all. At first the vampires aren’t sure it’s really the OG Colin, but he proves it with his impersonation of Jar Jar Binks.
Nadja is more concerned with how much money they have. The whole point of the nightclub was to raise money to fix the house. Colin reveals that they have over $655 thousand dollars and yes, he knows the bank pin code. Guillermo is ready to call the contractors to fix the house. Colin says he will oversee the house repairs because he enjoys micro managing projects.
Later, Colin and Laszlo meet with the contracts to discuss Laszlo’s room. Colin’s child bed is still in there, but he doesn’t remember that it’s his. In fact, he doesn’t remember anything from last year. The last thing he remembers is celebrating his 100th birthday, he had a tummy ache and then he was reading his diaries. Laszlo is a little sad that he doesn’t remember their time together.
Guillermo realizes that nothing will ever change in the house unless he changes it. He grabs a bag and prepares to leave. He tells the camera crew that they can use his room for storage because he won’t need it. Guillermo makes his way to the convenience store to see his old friend Derek (Chris Sandiford). He gives Derek the money as payment. Guillermo asks Derek to turn him into a vampire.
You can stream What We Do in The Shadows on FX on Hulu.