The vampires of What We Do In the Shadows have grown accustomed to being admired. In “Nouveau Théâtre Des Vampires,” Nandor (Kayvan Novak), Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), Laszlo (Matt Berry), and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) join the elite vampire high society. And Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) struggles with his desire to become a vampire and kill vampires.
One evening, Nandor wakes up and has some trouble getting his coffin open. He yells for help from Guillermo, but the human does not answer. When Nandor finally gets out of his coffin, he goes looking for his familiar, kicking himself for giving the man time off. He searches the house and then Guillermo’s room, only to find his familiar has left…again!
Nadja tells the What We Do In the Shadows cameramen that life is better without a human around, but it’s really not. There are dead bodies everywhere and no one to dispose of them. Colin Robinson leaves for work and slips in a puddle of blood. He goes to work like that anyway. The place is a mess. and it’s cold. The vampires are actually cold because no one is tending to the fires. Or blowing out the candles around the house.
And let’s talk about their clothes. Nandor and Laszlo are wearing basketball jersey and shorts because they have nothing else to wear. And no one knows where Guillermo took their clothes to be cleaned. Nadja tells them to call the village washer woman. But Colin Robinson says he won’t do it.
Nandor doesn’t want Guillermo to know that the place is in shambles. He tells Colin Robinson to take a picture of him having fun and send it to Guillermo’s phone. Colin Robinson doesn’t have Guillermo’s phone number though. They tell him to look him up, but no one knows Guillermo’s last name. Guillermo Greenberg? Guillermo Buillermo? Mickey Guillermo? They have no idea.
The doorbell rings. Nandor gets up to answer, but Colin Robinson really wants to do it. Funny thing, Nandor doesn’t know how to open the front door. Neither does Laszlo until Colin Robinson tells them to pull the door open. A delivery man hands them a package and Laszlo compels him to forget how they are dressed.
Inside the package is an invitation to the Théâtre Des Vampires! Only the creme de la creme of vampire society are invited. And now Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo and Colin Robinson will join them. There’s just one problem. They don’t have any clothes to wear.
Colin Robinson says he will put himself at great risk to help them. He may not even come back alive. He asks for one great gesture for another. Colin Robinson wants to move out of his room in the basement to the other room in the basement. Done! Colin Robinson needed to go to the dry cleaners anyway. He just didn’t want the others to know how easy it is, or they would send him every time. Smart Colin Robinson, smart!
So where is Guillermo? He went home to his mother’s apartment. He says he needed to get out of there. His desire to become a vampire conflicted with his desire to kill vampires. Now he’s happy being normal at home. Unfortunately, his mother’s refrigerator broke. Guillermo knows where to get a mini fridge for the time being.
Théâtre Des Vampires
The vampires make their way to the Théâtre Des Vampires. They see all of the who’s who of New York Vampire society. They find their seats and wait for the show to start. A man in a red cloak and a black mask opens the show. He says they all know why they are there and introduces the guests of honor: Nandor, Laszlo, Nadja and Colin Robinson. A group of vampires throw silver rope over the foursome to hold them in place. The host removes his mask and reveals himself to be Vladimir (Jemaine Clement) of the Vampire Council.
Guillermo arrives at the house and slips in blood. The Nadja doll starts talking to Guillermo, saying she knew he’d be back. The doll tells him about the vampire theater invitation. Guillermo looks at the invitation and holds it to the light. That’s when he sees the vampire council in the invitation. It’s a trap! Guillermo rushes to the theater with weapons. The doors are closed so he has to climb up the fire escape to get in from the roof. He hides in the shadows and watches the show.
Vladimir reveals to the vampire audience that Nandor and the others are vampire killers. He narrates reenactments of their killings. Vladimir blames them for killing Baron Afanas (Doug Jones), Ludwig the Vampire Council guard, the assassins that were sent to kill the foursome, and the vampire family who loved each other. Actually, Guillermo killed all of those vampires.
WRONG VAMPIRE KILLER
During the reenactments, the foursome can only criticize the actors portraying them, except for Colin Robinson. He clearly loves his character. Nadja complains that the actress playing her doesn’t know how to dance. Through it all Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo maintain their innocence. Colin Robinson says he wasn’t even there for any of it because they never include him. He did help the others escape after the Vampire Council sentenced them to death though.
Vladimir brings the foursome to the stage to be executed. He reminds them, “there is but one crime among us vampires. It is the crime that means death to any vampire: kill your own kind.” The guards tie the foursome to chairs onstage while the vampire audience watches an in-memoriam video of all of the vampires that Guillermo killed.
The time has come for the four vampires to be beheaded. Nandor speaks up and tells everyone that his familiar Guillermo killed those vampires. When he found out, he killed Guillermo and that was the end of it. Blaming it on the familiar, how typical. Vladimir asks for Guillermo’s last name, but they don’t know it. Guillermo listens from the shadows. He doesn’t know if they are acting like they don’t know his name or if they really don’t know.
Of course, none of the vampires believe them. Vladimir even has an actor to play Guillermo. A child stomps out onstage and stands up to a very tall vampire. The vampire puts his hand on little Guillermo’s head to hold him back. Then the vampire picks up little Guillermo and kicks him to the other side of the stage.
The real Guillermo swings in and starts killing vampires left and right. Vladimir sees him kill the first vampire and gets scared. He turns into a bat and flies away. Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo, and Colin Robinson watch Guillermo fight his way through the audience of vampires. The cameraman filming Guillermo Buillermo falls, and the camera goes off.
When the What We Do In the Shadows camera turns back on, all of the vampires are dead, except Nandor, Nadja, Laszlo and Colin Robinson. Guillermo stands in the middle of the bodies looking at his master. Nandor asks if there’s something he needs to tell him. Gizmo answers that his name is Guillermo de la Cruz. Nandor doesn’t care what his name is. They had to pick up their own dry cleaning!
This season of What We Do In the Shadows was so much fun! Guillermo asserting himself, Laszlo living a double life as Jackie Daytona, Colin Robinson’s promotion and Mark Hamill as Jim the Vampire are some of the best half hours of television ever. I’m excited to see what season three will bring. But I can’t imagine how it will top season two. After this season, everything will change. I’m so excited!
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