DISCLAIMER: This recap of What We Do in the Shadows Season 6 Episode 5, “Nandor’s Army,” contains spoilers. Proceed at your peril, humans and familiars.
Nandor spirals after getting sacked, turning full warlord and attempting to get back at Cannon Capital Strategies by declaring war on them. Hilarity ensues. “Nandor’s Army” is equal parts funny and heartfelt as it deftly balances sharp storytelling and character development. It’s a fun watch. Also, Nadja and Laszlo forever.
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What We Do in the Shadows, “Nandor’s Army”
We open with Laszlo (Matt Berry) standing on the roof of the vampires’ Staten Island home as he surveys his surroundings with binoculars. He tells the camera crew that Nandor has gone missing. Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) search the house. Colin Robinson even puts up a “Missing” poster with the best picture of Nandor I’ve ever seen. Whoever finds him gets a whopping three dollars (initially, it was a five-dollar reward, but Nadja thought that was too much).
Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) gets a call from Baron Afanas (Doug Jones), who reveals he knows where Nandor is. At Baron and The Sire’s (Jean-Michel Richaud) house in New Jersey, the latter serves our vamps (not you, Guillermo) finger food. Yes, literal fingers.
New Hampshire
Baron plays a recording that one wampire (said in Baron’s voice) picked up of Nandor (Kayvan Novak), who’s clearly spiraling since Guillermo fired him on Jordan’s behalf from Cannon Capital Strategies. We learn that Nandor is in New Hampshire, attempting to rage against the Wall Street machine.
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Side note: Matt Berry covering “You’re Dead” by Norma Tanega is perfection. I need the whole song as a Spotify release, stat. Anyway, our gang takes a road trip to the abandoned Hancock & Sons warehouse in New Hampshire. They find Nan-man in the dark among the mannequins — what’s left of Cannon’s power-hungry acquisition of Hancock. Nandor is back in relentless mode, channeling his inner Al Quolanudarian warlord. He’s preparing his army to wage war against Cannon.
Next, Nandor invites everyone to his war council meeting. So, who does Nandor have on his team? A bunch of mannequins. Well, there’s the army, the reserves and his concubines … but the concubines just chill in the corner. And, of course, there are his advisors. Nandor proceeds to discuss battle strategies with his council. Laszlo suggests they head on home before he freaks anyone else the f*ck out.
A Little Roleplay
Then, the vampires (and Gizmo) concoct a plan to extract Nandor. Laszlo proposes they play along with Nandor’s warmongering. Meanwhile, Nandor punches through a mirror shirtless, cuddles (?) a mannequin and rubs blood over his face. Ah, shirtless Nandor. Swoon.
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The gang returns to Nandor, claiming they want to join his war efforts. Nandor gives Guillermo the boot (even though he drove them to New Hampshire) because he’s the “enemy” before overseeing Laszlo, Nadja and Colin Robinson’s basic training. Sprinkle in a little Creedence Clearwater Revival, and you have a training montage to rival Rocky.
Colin Robinson surprisingly comes through on the other side as an enthusiastic soldier. Nadja doesn’t like taking orders from Nandor. After their training, Nandor gives them their assignments. Laszlo will specialize in Intelligence (of course). Nadja will work in Signal Corps, with which she (and I) isn’t familiar. Colin Robinson, Nandor’s most loyal follower, is assigned to Logistics.
Find a Solution (No Desertion)
Later, our vampire trio heads outside to brainstorm other ways to help Nandor out of his funk. Colin Robinson urges Laszlo to whack him in the face with a fake rifle. Not sure how that’ll benefit Nan-man, but at least it’s funny. Laz has a brilliant idea that’ll make Nandor think he’s won his war against the one percent. Nadja tags along. Colin Robinson stays behind to support Nandor ’cause he ain’t no deserter.
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After this, Colin Robinson reunites with Nandor inside the Hancock & Sons warehouse. He overhears Nan-man having a therapy session with a local radio show host. Meanwhile, Laszlo doesn’t tell Nadja where they’re going, which rightfully angers her.
She expresses her frustration with her hubby — she never knows what he’s doing. What about the plan to fix Nandor’s melted brain? How about the sex doll monster thing Laz is working on in the basement? Lazslo claims he can’t divulge further details regarding his science experiment because it’s “complex.” How dare he imply that our Nadja of Antipaxos, former owner of the eponymous Nadja’s, can’t grasp complex ideas?
Leave (Get Out)
Next, Nadja throws Laz into a car after he continues to put his foot in his mouth. (I mean, the dead can’t menstruate, dude.) She storms off. Meanwhile, Guillermo confronts Nandor. Guillermo believes that Nandor is envious of his success at Cannon. In response, Nandor calls upon Lieutenant Alexa (yes, that Alexa) to “tell this piece of sh*t to leave.”
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Alexa plays “Leave (Get Out)” by JoJo, a song that is now 20 years old. 14-year-old Melody is crying in a corner right now. Nandor demands that Gizmo wait until the chorus to leave, indicating he’s listened to this song at least once in private. I love that for him.
Of course, Guillermo sticks around, and the two hash it out. Guillermo insists that he didn’t feel good firing Nandor. Nandor admits that he loved his job at Cannon. He felt like he had a purpose. Guillermo apologizes for not realizing how important being Jandy the Janitor was to Nandor. Then, Jordan calls Guillermo, asking the latter to send him a specific email.
Koukla
Later, Nadja and Laszlo mend fences. Nadja insists she doesn’t need him to be a hero all the time. Laz showers his lady wife with the compliments and praise she deserves. He sees her as the most beautiful, sweetest woman in the world. I’m not crying; you are. Oh, and they’re looking for fireworks. Thankfully, Nadja spots the fireworks store right in front of them.
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Laszlo tries to throw a newspaper vending machine through the front windows. When that doesn’t work, Nadja yells, “Open!” as he tries again. Laszlo grabs her hand as they walk through the shattered windows to steal a sh*t-ton of fireworks to trick their best friend.
Elsewhere, Guillermo talks about being devoted to Nandor for 15 years. The latter fires back that he never stopped being loyal to Guillermo. It broke Nandor’s heart when Gizmo abandoned him for the human world and a career at Cannon. We finally see his perspective on their relationship, which is nice.
What’s in a Purpose?
Nandor realizes perhaps this isn’t his fight. Maybe it’s time to stand down and retreat. Call back his army. Find his new purpose. Guillermo wonders if their paths will take them in different directions. I hope not. Give me all the Nandermo forever.
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After this, Laszlo and Nadja return from their fireworks mission, declaring they’ve won the war. Sure, there are some casualties, but Nandor has risen victorious.
Suddenly, we hear fireworks outside the warehouse. Nandor rushes outside with his binoculars. He interprets this as an attack, not a display of victory. Nadja retrieves the silver chains from the trunk of Guillermo’s car. She and Laszlo tag-team as they bind him and toss him into said trunk.
Wet Bosoms and War Horses and Nerds
Later, Guillermo gets pulled over as the gang returns to Staten Island. Nadja and Laszlo hilariously try to seduce him, but when that doesn’t work, the officer orders them all out of the vehicle. Of course, it’ll look super suspicious if he finds the vampire chained in the trunk. Nadja glamours him to ignore their actions.
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Then, Nandor’s actual army appears. They ride down the road on their “war horses.” Nandor bursts out of his chains and barrels out of the trunk. He greets his soldiers. Nandor tells the camera that the mannequins were for practice drills.
Nandor admits his fate is calling him in a different direction. He advises his army to find their true callings. He encourages them to burn down Dartmouth College. Take that, nerds. Wall Street is definitely not in your future anymore.
Colin Robinson tries to join Nandor’s army as they ride in the opposite direction toward Dartmouth. They’re gonna need logistics support. Thankfully, Nandor lassos Colin Robinson with the silver chains.
What We Do in the Shadows airs new episodes every Monday at 10 pm on FX, with next-day streaming on Hulu.
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What I do: I'm GGA's Managing Editor, a Senior Contributor, and Press Coordinator. I manage, contribute, and coordinate. Sometimes all at once. Joking aside, I oversee day-to-day operations for GGA, write, edit, and assess interview opportunities/press events.
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