The Vampires have their day in court on What We Do in the Shadows. In “The Chamber of Judgment,” Nandor (Kayvan Novak) and Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) judge in their first Ceremony of Judgment. Laszlo (Matt Berry) helps Sean (Anthony Atamanuik) with his small claims case. 

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Among Nandor and Nadja’s duties is to rule over the Ceremony of Judgment. They were once judged, so they know what to do. Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) is with them and being closely watched by the Guardian (Kristen Schaal) .

Laszlo and Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) go to their neighbor’s house for a “Boys Only Night.” Laszlo offers a box of cigars and Colin brings a murder mystery game. 

Nandor and Nadja change into their white robes and watch a mandatory conduct/harassment training video. The video is less than 30 seconds and tells them to do as they will. Anything and everything goes at the Vampiric Council. 

The Guardian presides over the Chamber of Judgment on What We Do in the Shadows

“WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS” — “The Chamber of Judgement” — Season 3, Episode 5 (Airs September 23) — Pictured: Kristen Schaal as The Guide. CR: Russ Martin: FX

Next, the Guardian says someone has to sit on the throne. Both Nandor and Nadja want to, but Guillermo suggests to Nandor to let Nadja sit on the throne. He says the one with the most power is the one who doesn’t have to fight for it. Nandor lets Nadja sit on the throne.

Guillermo reveals that he’s been whispering in both Nandor and Nadja’s ears, pitting them against each other. Who really wields power? The one who sits on the throne. Or the one who challenges them?

While the boys play Colin’s game, Sean starts talking about how he’s been sleeping. The guys change the subject, but Sean keeps coming back to his sleeping habits. He has a new pillow that he wants to tell them about. The Guy Pillow. Sean wants them all to buy the pillow for the special price of $39.99.

The Ceremony of Judgment begins, but Nadja stops it. Nandor is too tall and she doesn’t like his face is higher than hers. Guillermo suggests removing the throne. After scraping the floor, the Guardian starts the ceremony again with Nandor and Nadja standing in front of the throne. The Guardian stops the ceremony because the throne is empty.

Sean asks his friends to buy 25 pillows. Then they can sell 25 pillows to other guys. None of the guys buy the pillow and Sean gets angry. Laszlo checks on Sean and finds out that Sean is $12000 in debt. He bought a lot of pillows and can sell them. Now the guy who sold the pillows to Sean is taking him to small claims court. Laszlo says he can help Sean when he goes to court.

Nandor resides over the Ceremony of Judgment on What We Do in the Shadows

“WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS” — “The Chamber of Judgement” — Season 3, Episode 5 (Airs September 23) — Pictured: Kayvan Novak as Nandor. CR: Russ Martin: FX

Nadja suggests they throw a sheet over the throne, but the Guardian won’t have it.Guillermo suggests they put him in a robe and he sits on the throne, for symbolism. All of the vampires agree and the Ceremony of Judgment begins.

Their first case is a vampire who is selling fake drugs to other vampires. The drug is supposed to protect vampires from the sun. It doesn’t work and this guy killed a bunch of vampires. Nandor wants to kill the vampire, but Nadja thinks they should show mercy on their first case. They sentence the vampire to sit in jail for 500 years. 

The next case is a younger vampire who looks like Guillermo’s old vampire hunter friend, Derek (Chris Sandiford). That’s because it is Derek. Derek broke every vampire rule that keeps them secret. Nadja thinks his clothes are his worst offense. He even has an unlicensed hell hound. Nandor and Nadja sentence Derek to death.

Guillermo visits Derek in his sun chamber. He decides to help the young vampire by giving him a coat to protect himself. Guillermo says he’s going to break Derek out. The next day, Guillermo tries to put the idea in Nandor’s head that Nadja walked all over him when they sentenced Derek to death. Nandor isn’t buying it, so Guillermo tries with Nadja.She tells him to shut up. 

Laszlo defends his friend Sean in small claims court on What We Do in the Shadows

“WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS” — “The Chamber of Judgement” — Season 3, Episode 5 (Airs September 23) — Pictured (l-r): Mark Proksch as Colin Robinson, Anthony Atamanuik as Sean, Matt Berry as Laszlo. CR: Russ Martin: FX

Sean goes to small claims court and uses Laszlo as his lawyer. Colin Robinson assists Laszlo by carrying around Laszlo’s briefs … which are filled with pornography.  Laszlo starts out by saying an injustice was done to Sean. But that’s the most coherent thing he says. After all of Laszlo’s nonsense, the judge rules in favor of the plaintiff. Laszlo lost. Sean and Colin carry Laszlo in and he’s stupid drunk. Guillermo is home and is surprised to find out that Laszlo is a lawyer. 

Nandor and Nadja continue handing down judgments when Guillermo bust in with Derek. Guillermo says Derek escaped and now he’s entitled to a defense attorney. Laszlo is his attorney. Laszlo greets everyone and stops talking to stop himself from throwing up. He passes out in the middle of the chamber.

Guillermo speaks for Laszlo, saying Derek should be allowed to live and work off his transgressions. Nadja wants Laszlo to win his first court case … ever. Nandor agrees and pardons Derek.

Afterward, Guillermo releases the hell hound, who is actually a border collie. He plays with the hound, shocking everyone in the chamber. Guillermo says the dog only needed some love and attention. He stops when the dog puts his face between Guillermo’s legs.

Later, Derek goes door to door to sell the Guy Pillow. His first customer is not interested, but Derek compels him to listen.

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What We Do in The Shadows airs Thursdays on FX and the next day on FX on Hulu

Noetta Harjo
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