What We Do In The Shadows is a mockumentary about four vampires living in Staten Island with a human.  Nandor the Relentless (Kayvan Novak), Laszlo (Matt Berry), his wife Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) and Nandor’s familiar, Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) .  The vampires live a simple life, mostly at night. Except for Colin Robinson, who is an energy vampire.  He actually has a job where he feeds on his co-workers. And Guillermo does whatever Nandor requires and keeps the house tidy. 

What We Do In The Shadows Season one was an introduction of sorts to the underground monster world that also includes werewolves, Babadook, and vampires. The coven ran into some trouble after accidentally killing Baron Afanas. The Vampiric Council summoned them and sentenced them to death. Luckily Colin saved them.  During that ordeal, Guillermo found out he was very skilled at killing vampires.  Later he found out that he has Van Helsing DNA in his blood.  

Now the summer has passed and it’s time to catch up with the coven.  

Disclaimer: Episode content includes dark humor, frequent use of profanity, intense violence (may include blood and gore), and/or strong sexual themes.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (S02 E01) – RESURRECTION

Summer has been kind of eventful for the Vampire coven.  Nandor, the Relentless learned to turn himself into vapor and then got caught in an air purifier. His hair turned white.  Colin Robinson sat at the DMV so long that they just gave him a license. And he blocked the entrance to the Lincoln Tunnel.  

Guillermo spent the summer intercepting vampire assassins sent to kill Nandor, Nadja and Laszlo.  He’s been eating chocolate covered espresso beans to stay alert. He hasn’t told them that they are targets of the Vampiric Council. And he can’t tell his master that he’s a vampire hunter because then Nandor would have to kill him. 

Nadja and Laszlo went through seven familiars before finding the perfect one: Topher (Haley Joel Osment).  Topher is great at everything. Everyone loves him. And Colin can’t seem to drain his energy, but he doesn’t mind.  

Guillermo hates him!  He tries to teach Topher how to be a familiar so he can become a vampire one day.  But Topher doesn’t want to be a vampire. And he’s got a side hustle of making apple hard cider called Doze Apples. HIGH FIVE!  

Topher lets a couple of vampires in and Guillermo is livid.  When he tries to tell him the rules of the house, all Topher wants to talk about are dope werewolves.  Werewolves are not dope! Guillermo tells Topher again to follow the rules, including staying away from the Koi pond because there is an electrical short in it.  Needless to say, Topher doesn’t listen and is electrocuted. 

NECROMANCY
Nandor gets a cute gift for Steve on WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS — Season 2 – Pictured (l-r): Kayvan Novak as Nandor. CR: Russ Martin/FX

Never fear, Nadja knows a necromancer who can bring Topher back to life! Wallace (Benedict Wong) has everything, including name license plate keychains.  Nandor likes the Steve keychain. Wallace mumbles some scats, charges Nadja and Laszlo $350 and a mini-fridge, and texts on his phone during the spell. He promises Topher will return to them the next day. 

Topher is resurrected but he’s different.  For starters, he’s climbing on the ceiling, yelling “TOPHER” around the house.  Guillermo is certain that Topher is a zombie, but no one believes him. Not only does Guillermo have to fight off the vampire assassins, he also has to fight off Topher. Topher tries to sneak up on Guillermo to bite him, eats birds, and he smells. 

It comes down to a big fight between Guillermo and Zombie Topher.  Topher chases Guillermo and Guillermo has to defend himself. He stabs him, high fives him so hard, Topher’s arm falls off, and throws Topher from the balcony. The two eventually fall out of a window, giving Topher the advantage. Topher tries to drown Guillermo in the Koi pond, but Nandor saves his familiar.  

Nandor tries to kill Topher several times before the vampires take him back to Wallace and demand a refund.  He can’t give them money so he offers to take Topher off their hands and gives them a free keychain. Nandor got his “Steve” keychain.  Nadja found Nadia, with a less exciting ‘j.’ There was no Colin keychain, but they have Condom. And Guillermo got Gigi…better than Gizmo. Is it?  

Guillermo cleans up at home and says being a familiar is hard.  But Nandor proved that he cares about Guillermo when he saved his life.  And if one day he doesn’t, Guillermo has a mini-fridge full of wooden stakes to take care of it.  

Wallace takes Topher to his basement where there are other zombies.  He puts Topher to work making Topher keychains while screaming “Doze Apples.”  

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (S02 E)2) – GHOSTS
The group holds a seance in What We Do In The Shadows

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS — “Ghosts” — Season 1, Episode 2 Pictured: Matt Berry as Laszlo and Mark Proksch as Colin Robinson. CR: Russ Martin/FX

One night, Laszlo hears strange noises in his study and thinks Guillermo is monkeying around with his books.  Guillermo denies it, but someone is clearly messing with Laszlo because they stack up books and tables and stuff on top of each other in the study.  They even wrote “Laszlo Sucks” backwards on a piece of parchment. Nadja determines that they have a ghost.

Nadja explains that the ghosts have unfinished business on Earth and that’s why they exist.  Of course, no one believes her, so she conducts a seance. Colin is using the situation to practice his use of humor to drain energy.  He keeps talking about an updog, but no one falls for his joke. 

At the seance, Nadja uses a book of incantations to summon the spirit. They hear a creaking door and assume someone farted.  Nadja gets frustrated and says they will pay for ruining the energy of the seance.

Nadja goes outside and encounters a headless ghost.  It’s Jesk…I mean Jeff (Jake McDorman). Jeff is the reincarnated form of Nadja’s former lover, Gregor. But there’s no Gregor in the spirit…just Jesk.  Laszlo follows Nadja to check on her and thinks she’s talking to herself. He goes back inside, running to Nandor to let him know there is a ghost on the front porch.  Nandor grabs a sword and charges at Jeff, falling through him. 

JESK
Nadia summons the spirits on WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS — “Ghosts” — Season 1, Episode 2 (Airs April 15) Pictured: Natasia Demetriou as Nadja. CR: Russ Martin/FX

Everyone gathers in the front yard. Nandor is covered in ecto-plasam.  Jeff says he’s not there to hurt them, just scare them. He takes off his head and scares them with a scary face.  Colin digs it while the others run away from the house, screaming. Jesk wants Nadja to help with his unfinished business but she just wants him to go away.  

When Laszlo, Nandor, Guillermo and Colin return to the house, they ask Nadja if it’s possible that there are ghosts of the vampires’ former selves out there. They hold another seance and summon the ghosts of Nandor, Laszlo, and Nadja.   Nandor’s ghost doesn’t speak English so he has no idea what he needs. Laszlo died when Nadja bit him.  And Nadja thinks her vampire self isn’t utilizing her eternal time well.  

Laszlo helps Ghost Laszlo cross over to the other side, but doesn’t tell anyone how.  Apparently he was at a point of heightened climax when he died and never fulfilled his pleasure. 

Ghost Nadja and Vampire Nadja have a good laugh.  Neither of them want Ghost Nadja to leave so she inhabits a very scary looking doll. The doll can move and speak.   IT’S SO CREEPY!!  Jesk begs Nadja to help with his unfinished business, but Nadia dismisses him.  Ghost/Doll Nadja really likes Jesk though.  But Nadja yells at him to leave, so Jesk disappears.

Nandor tries to talk to Ghost Nandor, but it’s a picture of his horse John that connects the two.  Nandor explains how much he loved that horse. They were inseparable. But when his army was stranded with no food, they had to eat the horse.  Ghost Nandor, Nandor, and Colin hold another seance and summon John the horse. Once Ghost Nandor and John are reunited, they disappear. Nandor is so sad that he asks Colin for a hug.

Colin spent so much time trying to get someone fall for his ‘updog’ joke.  He summons his grandmother’s ghost just to complete the joke. “What’s updog”. “Not much dog, What’s up with you?”  

SMH

Noetta Harjo
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