It seems Laszlo (Matt Berry) has several enemies on What We Do In The Shadows. In “The Return,”  Nick Kroll returns as Simon the Devious, but is he there to make amends?  And Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) has a scary encounter with one of Simon’s crew that changes the way his master, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) looks at him.

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Laszlo and Nadja (Natasia Demetriou) are out on a date when they hear someone calling for Laszlo, from the sewer.  They decide to investigate and find Simon the Devious.  We met Simon the Devious in season one. He had a strange fascination with Laszlo’s cursed hat. The hat was made of the flesh of ancient witches.  Simon owned a vampire night club and had a huge party one night.  He got Laszlo’s hat and the club blew up.  Now Simon and his crew, Count Rapula (Mike Dara)and Carol (Christine Ebadi) live in the sewers.  

Simon makes the vampire couple uncomfortable and they leave. Nadja invites Simon to visit before they go.  When they get home, they find Simon, Carol and Rapula beat them to the house.  Carol doesn’t like being there, she keeps hissing at everyone and trying to eat Guillermo.  Nandor offers to let Carol see Guillermo’s room, but Simon says she will eat the human if she goes.  Bad idea.

Meanwhile, Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) found a way to drain people through the internet.  He subscribes to different chat rooms and trolls people until they get mad. That when he starts draining. Colin has several devices on his bed, sending multiple messages to get his fill.  

Colin runs into some trouble online when a human begins trolling him.  This human tells everyone to ignore Colin and even has some of his accounts suspended.  Colin gets angry and starts replying to the troll’s messages.  Basically the human troll is now draining Colin of his energy. 

Laszlo and Nadja invite Simon and his crew to spend the night. They have spare coffins in the basement and on the way down, they pass vampire Elvis (Shawn Klush) in the shadows of the basement, singing.  Laszlo made him a vampire back in the 70s.  

Nadja feels bad for Simon and his crew. She thinks it’s their fault that he has to live in the sewer, all because of a stupid cursed hat. Apparently that hat has a weird effect on men.  Laszlo says they don’t have to worry about it because no one knows where the hat is.  When Nadja isn’t looking, Laszlo says to the camera that the hat is upstairs. 

Laszlo catches Simon running around the house and carrying something that looks like the hat.  Laszlo makes him reveal what he’s carrying in front of everyone.  Simon is carrying a bat made of sewer garbage as a way to say thank you to Nadja and Laszlo.  Laszlo is forced to apologize.  

Later that morning, Guillermo is cleaning up when he runs into Carol. Carol says she can smell death on Guillermo and calls him a slayer.  She pushes him down the stairs.  Colin heard it and almost left the computer to check on Guillermo, but was stopped by a new message from his internet troll.

Carol pursues Guillermo forcing him to grab a broom to defend himself.  She breaks the broom handle in half and lunges at Guillermo.  He stabs her on both sides of her chest. Guillermo watches in horror as Carole turns to ashes.

Nandor heard screaming and checks on Guillermo.  He sees the ashes and the shape of the dust and the smell reminds him of Carol.  He asks Guillermo if he killed Carol.  Guillermo comes clean and says it was an accident.  Nandor reminds him that killing a vampire is frowned upon in their community.  It will make him look bad and Guillermo will die, so they won’t tell anyone.  Nandor orders Guillermo to clean up the ashes and jokingly calls him a vampire killer. Guillermo agrees and taps Nandor’s chest with the broken broom sticks. They stare at each other awkwardly until Guillermo slowly backs away from his master. 

Colin decides to meet his internet troll.  He searched the internet to find the guy and the troll sent his address to Colin, telling the vampire to fight him.  When Colin arrives at the adrress, he finds an actual Troll!  They start arguing about the use of the word troll.  It’s offensive to the Troll, but Colin says because the Troll is a troll, he is truly trolling people online.  Later we see Colin is wearing the Troll down by talking about bridges.

When the vampires wake up, Simon calls a house meeting.  First he thanks everyone for their hospitality.  Then he tells them that Carol is missing.  He thinks she may have left him like everyone else did.  Simon also points out that Guillermo seems relieved. Probably because Carol really didn’t like Guillermo. Nandor says it’s because his familiar is a downer and everyone agrees.  

Finally, Simon asks for Laszlo’s hat.  This incites a disagreement. Simon says Laszlo gave him the hat, but Laszlo says Simon took it from him.  Simon quickly grabs the hat and runs for the door…the closed door.  Laszlo shoots him with an arrow, but Simon stops it with his hand. That gives Laszlo the opportunity to take the hat back.

BAT!  Laszlo and Simon go head to head in the streets of Staten Island, taking the hat from one another.  Until eventually, they both transform into bats and fly back to the sewers.  Nandor, Nadja, and Guillermo follow them into the shadows of the sewer.

In the sewers, Simon ends up with the hat.  He reveals the rest of his crew as they emerge from the shadows of the sewers. He tricked Laszlo and Nadja to get the hat.  Even Elvis is a part of the crew.  The only member that is missing is Carol.  

Nadja tries to talk some sense into Simon, saying he doesn’t know why he wants the stupid hat.  Simon admits that he wants a relationship like what Laszlo and Nadja have.  He says his crew doesn’t fulfill him anymore.  Nadja reminds Simon that the hat is cursed.  That makes Simon want it a little less, but he still wants it. 

When Simon transformed from bat to human, his feet fused with the grating he stands on.  He can’t get loose, so Nadja and Laszlo leave. Simon starts sinking in sewage and no one will help him out.  His crew is upset that they no longer fulfill him.  Laszlo tells Guillermo to get his hat before he sinks completely.  

Guillermo and Nandor watch Simon sinking and Guillermo asks if he will drown.  Nandor turns the tables on Guillermo asking if he’s interested in how vampires are killed.  Guillermo says he was just asking a question. Nandor walks away, eyeing Guillermo suspiciously. 

The next morning, Colin is still talking to the troll.  He apologizes for the hurtful things he said.  The sun comes up and the troll turn to stone.  Colin wins!  He raises his hands in victory and the troll grabs him before completely turning to stone.  

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Noetta Harjo
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