What We Do In The Shadows vampire mockumentary introduced a new kind of vampire in Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch).  In “Colin’s Promotion” we learn more about the energy vampire and just how powerful they can be.

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Colin Robinson looks like an ordinary human, but he’s quite different. He can drain people of their energy with little quirks like talking too much and constantly clearing his throat.   These are really subtle gestures he uses to get attention.  And boy did he get some attention.  His boss offered Colin a promotion.  

At first Colin didn’t want the promotion for two reasons. One, he doesn’t really know what the company does. And two, a promotion means more work and more work means less time with Nandor (Kayvan Novak) , Nadja (Natasia Demetriou), and Laszlo (Matt Berry).  Let’s face it, in the Shadows, coworkers die. Vampires are forever.  But when Colin returns home to tell his good news, they dismiss him to his room.

Nadja, Laszlo, and Nandor are busy watching Guillermo (Harvey Guillén) move around the artwork in the house. Colin offers to help, but they think he’s trying to drain them. He even created a picture of him and the vampires to hang on the wall, but they didn’t like it. Colin walks away with his feeling hurt.  He doesn’t like that people are alway assuming he’s trying to drain them. He doesn’t live to drain, he drains to live.  Colin takes the promotion and the office that comes with it.  

Colin found out that the company does some kind of playground or landmine design and marketing. He gives his first presentation and something strange happens. Everyone is listening to him and laughing at his jokes.  They have to listen to him because he’s the boss now. The attention gives Colin Robinson a power boost.  He commands his employees with different tasks and something strange starts happening.  

When Colin gets home that night, Nadja asks about his first day being the boss and Colin snaps back at her saying she doesn’t care.  He is distracted by a phone call.  Nadja thinks it’s strange that he didn’t try to tell them about his boring day. She tries to get his attention by asking if he’d like to pick a painting for the wall.  He picks one and uses his new power to move the painting where everyone can see it. 

The painting is of a burning village and Nadja thinks it’s her village. She says she heard a story of her village being burned before she was born.  The army that led the invasion was one other than Nandor, the Relentless.  This starts a major fight between Nadja and Nandor. Laszlo and Guillermo try to ease the tension between Nandor and Nadja.  And Colin is in his room overloading on the energy. 

This is when things get strange.  Colin grows hair overnight.  He doesn’t even have to talk much to drain anyone. And he’s growing more powerful by the second.  Eventually it gets to a point where he doesn’t even have to say anything. He just looks at someone and drains them.  

The fight at the house continues.  Guillermo tries to mediate between Nandor and Nadja.  So here’s what happened.  Nandor, the Relentless, invaded Nadja’s village two hundred years before she was born.  He says it was his job to invade, but tries to apologize for doing his job.  And he doesn’t really remember what happened.  Nadja just gets more angry about the whole thing.  Colin returns home to find them still fighting.

Guillermo suggests that Colin is turning them against each other and feeding off of it. Laszlo agrees.  He noticed that Colin’s hair is longer and says he is mega draining them.  That leads to a fight about who has better hair, Laszlo or Nandor.  Colin flies to his room while they continue their argument. 

The vampires are drained of energy. Nadja suggests they eat Guillermo, but everyone is too tired to move.  They start arguing about who brought Colin into the group, but Laszlo says he came with the house.  

Colin gains too much power on What We Do In The Shadows

Mark Proksch as Colin Robinson on What We Do In The Shadows. Image: FX

Nadja comes up with a plan to stop Colin Robinson. Nadja will distract Colin with a list so they can escape. Then they will find Colin’s overlords who gave him this power and destroy them.  When she finds him, Colin is shaving his head that has grown due to the power increase.  Nadja tries to act like she is concerned about Colin, but he knows she doesn’t care about him. The only people who are are his co-workers because they have to listen to him.  Nadja asks for their names and Colin starts listing off a bunch of names. She tries to sneak away, but he makes her come back to finish the list. 

Nadja escapes and finds Laszlo and Nandor have aged.  That’s how powerful Colin Robinson has become. He can drain the age out of vampires.  Guillermo takes the opportunity to confess about murdering vampires, but Nandor makes him stop before he gets started.  

Colin joins them in the sitting room. Laszlo asks why Colin would put them through this if they are his only friends. Colin lists the various reasons that the vampires have not been good friends.  Nandor tells Guillermo to save himself and run away. Guillermo tries to leave, but Colin multiplies himself to stop Guillermo. 

Now there are three Colin Robinsons.  They start talking about the reasons the vampires don’t need mercy and it turns into an argument about nicknames.  The Colins drain themselves to death.  

The vampires regain their strength and drag the three Colins to the garden to be buried.  Everyone has something nice to say about Colin.  They also bury a photo that Colin made of him and the vampires.  When they start burying Colin, he stands up.  Colin is alive and just wanted to hear his eulogy.  He just wanted to know that his friends really liked him.  The other two Colins are really dead, so Guillermo finishes burying them.

The next day, Colin gets a new job.   He drained everyone at his last job and they went into financial ruin.  Colin doesn’t actually apply for jobs.  He just shows up and finds an empty cubicle to inhabit and starts feeding on the new co-workers.

Oh yeah! Laszlo touched up the painting of Nadja’s burning village. He added a nude Nadja and painted his portrait over Nandor.  All to make Nadja happy.

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Noetta Harjo
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