DISCLAIMER: This recap of Twisted Metal Season 1 Episode 7, “NUTH0UZ,” contains spoilers. Read at your own risk.
We join the set of a 1989 sitcom, complete with a live audience. A young Marcus Kane sits and angrily looks over a script for “Billy and Two Scoops.” He argues with his on and off-screen mom and stepdad about Billy’s name being added to the show. The stepdad mentions the boy would still be living in a taxicab if his unhinged father had not gone to jail. As the family goes to take their marks, the camera pans to a familiar brown paper bag.
Through a window in the background, an eerily familiar-looking ice cream truck is parked in front of the house. The boy’s character begins eating candy by the handfuls, and his grandma tells him to stop. He stands up proudly and delivers his catchphrase, “Tell that to my sweet tooth,” which gets practically no response from the audience. Looking to change the mood, Grandma quickly asks about Billy. A golden retriever walks onstage and is greeted with practically a standing ovation.
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Marcus loses his grip when he sees how much adoration the dog is getting. He rushes over to Granny, grabs her knitting needles, and stabs the dog repeatedly as blood splashes across his face. Onlookers are horrified as Marcus turns and delivers a blood-splattered smile before yelling, “Line!” My favorite part is the Twisted Metal text in the classic yellow ’80s sitcom font. You know the one I’m talking about.
Quiet (Stephanie Beatriz) and John (Anthony Mackie) are standing in front of a giant, impassible wall surrounded by a fetid moat. While they try to figure out the best way in, Quiet suggests throwing a rock, and John responds, “Great idea, genius.” She suddenly grabs a rock and launches it at the wall. When the rock hits the wall, the door to a random nearby shed opens like an elevator. The elevator takes them down to a creepy, poorly lit underground tunnel. They are greeted by a grating, disembodied voice that they eventually assume to be Calypso. As John retrieves the package, he asks for fuel, but Calypso does not give handouts. Calypso ominously tells John he hopes all of his wishes come true.
Meanwhile, Agent Stone (Thomas Haden Church) is gassing up his vehicle when he receives a radio call, and we learn that Sweet Tooth (Joe Seanoa and Will Arnett) has attacked the Nevada, Utah, and Colorado outposts. Stone suspects the attacks are not random and that he is going somewhere. Sweet Tooth is on a mission and has brought his “fans” to Black Field Asylum, where he leaves them to eat PB&Js and drink Capri Suns in the courtyard. He leaves Harold (the paper bag) in charge with a pistol. Sweet Tooth tells Stu (Mike Mitchell) they are not just here for “poops and hoops” but for closure.
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After getting busy on the road using another page from the Granny Sutra, John and Quiet stop at a milkman pitstop called The Nuthouse. John says the two rules at the pits are never talk about your job and no weapons. A man cuts in front of Quiet while waiting to get gas, and she confronts him. Suddenly, a small blonde woman in a leather tutu dress chases him off with a butterfly knife. When the blonde sees John, they embrace each other, and she even sneaks in a kiss; immediately after, she slaps him for leaving her for dead. Then follows the awkward realization that they all know each other.
After catching up, we learn the blonde’s name is Mary (Chloe Fineman), and she took over a different pitstop for her mother. John would frequently visit her at this stop, and they became close. Raiders burned down the pitstop, and Mary was the only one that survived. She said she didn’t mind because, as John knows, she would have done anything to get out. Mary says she now works as a milkman, no thanks to John.
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The bartender tells Quiet that Bloody Mary has done more runs than any milkman and can wipe out a vulture’s nest by herself. He says nicknames are essential and points out Pizza Boy, Petunia and Pit Viper, all characters from various Twisted Metal games. The bartender tells Quiet his nickname is Mr. Slam because he can smash anything with his massive penis. Quiet takes a shower while John hangs out with the other drivers.
Back at the Black Field Asylum, Sweet Tooth tells Stu that his parents sent him here after he had a “disagreement with his costar.” He started in the kiddie ward, then the juvenile center, and eventually the asylum after he murdered his roommate. To be fair, this guy thought that Chris Kirkpatrick was the best member of NSYNC. Are you nuts? This is where Sweet Tooth grew up, all alone, because not even his parents came to see him. However, once he got to know the guys there, it was the best 10 years of his 25-to-life.
As they walk into his old cell, Kane explains that when the world went to hell, and the asylum opened up, he tracked his parents down and locked them in this cell. He left them alone to rot like they did to him, and their rotted bodies still sit together in the cell. Sweet Tooth confronts them for forcing him into show business, exploiting him and not being there for him. He says he doesn’t need them anymore because he has real fans now who genuinely love him, then stomps what is left of their skeletons to powder.
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At The Nuthouse, Quiet steps out of the shower and is greeted by Bloody Mary, who says she would kill for those areolas and offers her a bump. Quiet declines, and they briefly trade battle scar stories. Mary learns John and Quiet have only known each other for a few days and are already riding together. This upsets her because John would never let her join him. After all, it was too dangerous. Bloody Mary says she can tell John really likes Quiet, but he will never choose anyone over Ev3l1n; she is his ride-or-die.
Sweet Tooth and Stu walk back to the courtyard to find someone has sniped the entire fan club. Agent Stone is waiting in a tower with Mike (Tahj Vaughans), Jamie and Carl (the brother/sister duo) who shoot down the pair. Stone tells Jamie and Carl to return with him to base and orders Mike to get another guy to help him retrieve the clown mask for his wall.
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Mary coaxes John to give her the details of his job, and he tells her that this is his last run because he is going on the inside. While everyone is cheering for Mr. Slam to smash a watermelon with his giant penis, Mary and the rest of the drivers demand the package from John and Quiet. Just as Mr. Slam brings down the hammer, the entire bar breaks into a brawl as watermelon flies everywhere.
Mary and Quiet get into a knife fight around a stripper pole, and Quiet ends up on top with her hatchet to Mary’s throat. Mary says she would have done anything for John, and he just left her behind. Quiet says, “Don’t let revenge ruin a second chance,” as she lets Mary up. Of course, as soon as she gets a chance, Mary goes after Quiet with her butterfly knife and gets a hatchet to the chest. Then Quiet compliments Mr. Slam’s dong moves and we see that John, Quiet and Mr. Slam are the only ones left standing.
Mike retrieves Sweet Tooth’s mask and finds the clown and Stu alive. Right before Sweet Tooth snaps Mike’s neck like a twig, Stu convinces the clown that he can help him get revenge on Stone. As they leave, John offers the keys to Quiet because he has been drinking. After they drive off, Pit Viper comes out of nowhere and texts Agent Stone that the two are going to New San Francisco. Stone tells Jamie and Carl it will be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Twisted Metal Season 1 is now streaming on Peacock.
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