DISCLAIMER: This recap of Twisted Metal Season 1 Episode 5, “CRZSRDS,” contains spoilers. Read at your own risk.
This episode opens with John (Anthony Mackie) and Quiet (Stephanie Beatriz) standing on the highway in front of Ev3l1n, arguing about whose fault it is that they got robbed. John walks to an overturned car with a dead man crushed underneath. As Quiet asks what they stole, John pulls out a CD case. Quiet cannot believe they were almost killed over some CDs, but John explains he has been building his collection for decades. He says, “Good music is worth its weight in gold nowadays,” as he looks through the dead man’s CD collection. He finds Hanson’s Middle of Nowhere album and asks Quiet if it is any good. She says he will hate it, but it will grow on him.
Quiet says she can walk the rest of the way since they are only a few miles outside of Topeka. She also suggests they have a couple of drinks before they set off. Next, we see them throwing axes while Mmmbop plays in the background. John takes a drink and spits out one of the flowers Quiet stole from Flower Power. He immediately passes out, and she drops one of the flowers on him and says he can’t go with her. She leaves something on Ev3l1n’s windshield and starts walking down the highway toward Topeka.
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We move on to Agent Stone (Thomas Haden Church), who asks a couple of his “officers” if they have found the four-fingered girl or the milkman. He emphasizes how dangerous they are and that they must be found immediately. Stone wants Quiet and John’s body’s hanging from the rotunda by the weekend. It would provide the people of Topeka some much-needed “light Friday night entertainment.”
Meanwhile, Sweet Tooth (Joe Seanoa and Will Arnett) sings a little diddy as he pulls up to the entrance to the Hoover Dam. The guard refuses to let him in, so Sweet Tooth shoves a grenade in the guard’s mouth and pulls the pin out. As the clown drives away, the guard opens his mouth, which triggers the grenade, and his head explodes. The camera zooms in on Sweet Tooth’s face as he laughs maniacally and drives into the dam. Then, a quick shot of John being dragged off by someone with questionable foot hygiene.
A couple of officers discuss Shephard’s death as they both urinate on a slumped-over man with a head wound. They return to their squad car, and we see Quiet hiding in the back. She waits until they drive through a checkpoint into the city, attacks them, and tosses them out. She drives past someone beaten (possibly dead) and tied to a pole with a dog leashed to them. A sign around their neck says, “Pick up after your pet.” Quiet’s brother appears in the back seat and says she will end up just like him.
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In the meantime, Stu (Mike Mitchell) is waiting in the apocalyptic DMV line to be punished for betraying the law. As two officers harass him, a female officer, terrified, runs in and closes the door. You hear Sweet Tooth yell, “Machete!” as a giant machete stabs through the door and the officer. He uses her body as a human meat shield from a barrage of bullets, then yells, “Woman’s body!” as he flings her body into nearby officers. His final move is a nice little spin as he easily decapitates a nearby officer. He catches the falling head and calls the scene. All prisoners in the waiting room stand up and cheer for Sweet Tooth. Stu even says he has never seen anyone cut someone’s head off and catch it as good as that.
Next, John wakes up and sees his captor, a man wearing a gas mask as a loin cloth who is rubbing shortening all over his body and talking to himself. The creep has his back to John, so he pretends to be unconscious. John sneaks a blade off the man’s hip as he climbs on top of him. After an awkward scuffle, the man falls and stabs himself in the eye, dying instantly. John finds Quiet’s note in which she apologizes for poisoning him and tells the truth about Topeka. She insists he not follow her and become the first milkman without an expiration date.
As Quiet drives through Topeka, her brother, Loud (Richard Cabral), tells her from the back seat that this is a bad idea and tries to talk her out of it. She tells him to shut up because he is a figment of her imagination. Loud says she has a messed up imagination because he has a bullet hole in his head. The next time we see him, he does not have a head wound and looks cleaner. They have some silly sibling banter and say that they miss each other. Then, Loud jokes with his sister about liking John.
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Quiet pulls up to a statue of Agent Stone with a plaque that says, “A man of the law who birthed a new world order.” One of the officers previously being interrogated by Stone stops Quiet and notices her prosthetic finger. Quiet speeds off as the officers shoot and chase after her.
Sweet Tooth walks the halls of the dam with his new crew of rejects. There are limbs strewn everywhere, and Stu straggles behind, disturbed. One of the officers who was harassing Stu earlier attacks him but is impaled by Sweet Tooth. Stu and Sweet Tooth introduce themselves and have a weirdly friendly conversation. Stu sees his former partner, Mike (Tahj Vaughans), hiding but does not tell Sweet Tooth he is there.
As John speeds down the highway, he begins having flashbacks of his time with Quiet. He has flashbacks of his experiences in New San Francisco, including enjoying the hell out of some quality toilet paper. He speeds past a sign that says, “Chicago 540 miles.”
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Then, we see Agent Stone, who is getting his boots shined. He tells the shoe shine that the best day of his life will be when he completes his collection of state quarters; the world went to shit before he could get Idaho. Stone is alerted of Quiet’s presence on the premises and, as he looks at a bloody teddy bear, says, “It’s time I made an example out of her myself.”
Loud tries to convince his sister to bail on the plan while she still can. We hear sirens behind them as she refuses. Loud says he died to give her another chance, and she is wasting it. Just as she agrees to bail on the plan and drive away, Stone comes onto the radio and gives her the choice to run away or meet him one-on-one. Against the pleas of her brother, Quiet turns around and speeds toward Stone.
Sweet Tooth asks Stu where he is going now that he is a free man, and Stu explains he doesn’t have anywhere to go. Stu thanks the clown for saving his life, and Sweet Tooth says that the rejects have to look out for each other. They then decide to travel together and plan to go after all of the lawmen’s outposts. Stu explains that if Sweet Tooth saves the captives from these pitposts, he will have fans for life. Sweet Tooth then turns around to a cheering crowd of armed people.
RELATED: Catch up on all of our Twisted Metal recaps here!
Agent Stone meets Quiet in an abandoned amusement park. He says his favorite part of the park was the Midway because he loves games. Fun fact: Midway Games was the original developer of the Mortal Kombat franchise and many other famous video games.
As Quiet closes in on a car that she thinks Agent Stone is in, he crashes into her from the side. She barely dodges a missile, and they go on a car chase that resembles a match from the video game. Stone finally hits Quiet with a missile and flips her car over. She climbs out of the windshield, and Stone drives towards her, blasting machine guns.
Suddenly, a blood missile comes out of nowhere to the tune of Mmmbop, and Agent Stone’s car explodes; John drifts up in Ev3l1n. As John approaches Quiet, she passes out, and the episode ends with her being carried away.
Twisted Metal Season 1 is now streaming on Peacock.
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