As we approach the season’s end, the Time Bandits must draw on the lessons they’ve learned and the people they’ve met to achieve their mission of saving the Haddock parents. In Time Bandits Season 1 Episode 9, “Pell-Mell,” many forces are at work, and the map is the center of it all.
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In the Sky Citadel, Sergeant Lewis (Imaan Hadchiti) introduces Detective Katherine (Francesca Mills) to The Cherub (Dane Noonan) and the other conspirators. She acknowledges the Supreme Being (Taika Waititi) wants the map for reasons she doesn’t agree with. She asks The Cherub who his gang is. He states they are the most feared group of bandits in the entire space-time continuum. Once Katherine agrees to join them, they share their plan to steal the map the Time Bandits have already stolen. Unlike the Time Bandits, The Cherub’s bandits know how powerful the map is. Once they have it, they will change things for the better.
Time Bandits, “Pell-Mell”
Kevin (Kal-El Tuck), Saffron (Keira Thompson), and the other Time Bandits fall from a great height, landing on their faces as they arrive outside Troy. Kevin insists they go in and look for Cassandra (Zoë Ventoura). He believes she will know where the missing corner of the map is. They find the city in chaos as the Greeks sack it. Kevin finds out from some of the fighters that Cassandra’s been thrown in jail. The Greek general has his men take them to the jail for a visit, but they end up locked in a cell instead.
Kevin hears Cassandra’s voice in an adjoining cell. He asks her if she knows where the map piece showing how to get to the Time of Legends is. She asks the bandits where they saw it last. The bandits recall the last time they saw it was the day Susan (Ghenoa Gela) died. Kevin suggests they must return to the time and place where the boulder crushed her. They can even try to save her. Again. Cassandra volunteers that they won’t save their friend, but they don’t believe her.
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Bittelig (Rune Temte) wrests the cell door off, and they escape with Cassandra. Crouched by a wall, Penelope (Lisa Kudrow) asks Cassandra if she’ll find her fiancé, Gavin (Maaka Pohatu). Cassandra confirms that she’ll be reunited with Gavin if she goes on this quest. She will find him living on the head of a man. Widgit (Roger Jean Nsemgiyumva) asks if he’ll ever get over his breakup. Cassandra says he won’t. Bittelig asks if he’ll be lonely. Cassandra admits he will be. Saff asks if Kevin will ever stop being a nerd. No. Kevin asks if they defeat Pure Evil. Absolutely not.
A God Complex
Cassandra runs off, shouting encouragement at Kevin to save the universe. Penelope directs everyone to scurry to the next portal. As they walk along a rocky beach, looking for the portal, a large disturbance builds in the water off-shore. The Supreme Being rises out of the ocean in the form of Poseidon and demands the map. While everyone else runs away, Kevin stays and asks the Supreme Being if he will help them save his parents.
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Penelope tells Kevin he can’t reason with the Supreme Being. He looks up just as Poseidon’s giant hand grabs him. Next thing he knows, he’s been transported to a white void. The Supreme Being appears dressed in his Sky Citadel robes and offers to change the space into anything Kevin would like. But not right away because it takes time, and there are HR protocols that have to be followed.
He proposes that, in the meantime, they agree that Kevin will help get him the map. In return, he’ll return his parents to him with upgrades if he’d like. He offers to make Mansa Musa his father and to make Kevin incredibly popular with his classmates. Dressed in Penelope’s clothes, he reminds Kevin how important the map is to him and leaves without noticing that Kevin never agrees to be his spy.
Spying
Kevin is suddenly back with the bandits. They are arguing about why everything always goes wrong for them. Widgit blames Penelope’s poor leadership qualities. Penelope blames Widgit’s poor map-reading skills. They all begin pointing fingers. Widgit suggests there’s a spy among them. Penelope guesses it’s Alto. Widgit reveals that Penelope has an ulterior motive for their portal travels. Saffron interrupts and tells them to focus on the mission. Kevin reminds them they need to go back to where Susan died.
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Widgit returns them to that time and place using a terrifying express route that nearly propels them over a cliff. Once they arrive, Alto returns to the topic of Pnelope having an ulterior motive. Widgit tells them she asked him to choose destinations where she might find Gavin. Alto and Bittelig feel betrayed. Penelope tries to excuse her lies, then redirects their attention to their past selves being captured by Maori. They see Judy and try to warn her about the void, but to no avail.
Susan
Kevin realizes they’re standing on the cliff that Susan fell off of. The others point out the boulder that squashed her and her yellow boots sticking out, all that they have to remember her by. As they observe a moment of silence, Saffron notices a woman scurrying away with no shoes on. She asks if that’s Susan. The Time Bandits recognize her and start calling her name, relieved she’s alive. Susan turns around, looks directly at them, and then continues to run away.
The Time Bandits follow, still calling her name. Susan leaps through a portal Widgit didn’t know about. Kevin deduces that she has the missing piece of the map. Saffron figures Susan faked her death to steal it. Penelope refuses to believe it. They follow her through the portal and emerge in the Qin Dynasty, 220 BCE.
They chase her through the woods but are stopped by Qin Shi Huang (Lawrence Leung), the lord who began the Great Wall of China and became the country’s first emperor. Susan escapes through another portal while the Time Bandits try to convince soon-to-be Emperor Qin that they aren’t assassins.
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Once permitted to pass, they follow Susan through the portal to 14th-century Caffa, where the Mongol Horde is attacking the city with Plague-infested corpses in the first recorded act of biological warfare. They momentarily lose Susan in the chaos and are waylaid by a local shopkeeper (Shaun Micallef), who explains they have nothing to fear from the bubonic plague as long as they are young and bathe in urine.
“Leave Me Alone”
Spotting Susan through the crowd, they follow through the winding town alleys until they catch up to her at a dead end. They cheerfully greet her, only to have her vent her frustration at them. She tells them she quit the Time Bandits, opens a portal in the wall, and tells them to leave her alone before stepping through.
The Time Bandits are stunned. Alto prepares to deliver an emotional speech and clears his throat for effect. The shopkeeper returns with a crowd and asks why Alto is coughing. He explains he’s just clearing his throat and demonstrates a couple more times. This upsets the crowd. Kevin informs Alto that outsiders suspected of bringing in the Plague were killed. The crowd advances on them with pitchforks until they’ve backed into the wall. Suddenly, the portal reopens, and Susan tells them to come on.
Gavin
The Time Bandits manifest on a rocky beach outside a large hut with a clothesline. The homestead is on a small island. Penelope knocks on the door, and Gavin comes out. Penelope’s nearly speechless with surprise. She steps forward to embrace Gavin but stops when Susan comes out of the hut behind Gavin. Susan links arms with Gavin. Gavin and Susan tell Penelope they love each other. Penelope protests that she’s been traveling through time to show him what she could do and be.
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Gavin explains they didn’t know how to tell her, so they ran away. Penelope tells him about risking her life to gather the world’s greatest treasures for him. She pulls out what she’s collected and offers it all to him. He tells her he never wanted treasure. He only wanted her time, and she spent it on other things.
Penelope demands an explanation from Susan, who tells her she faked her death and stole the piece of the map so they couldn’t find her. The others ask why she’d want to leave their life of banditry. She points out they never really stole anything of worth and haven’t done anything they set out to do, calling them hapless history tourists.
“What’s the Point of Youse?”
The Time Bandits all sit down, defeated by the truth of Susan’s words. Penelope admits she’s right. Widgit suggests that everyone take a bit of the map and go off somewhere where they’ll never see the others again.
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Kevin steps forward and puts a hand on Penelope’s shoulder. He tells her that he needs her, even if Gavin doesn’t. Penelope smiles sadly at Kevin. She recalls all the time Kevin’s spent with them and all their adventures together. She thanks Kevin and stands up to rally the bandits to save Kevin and Saffron’s parents, vowing to take them just outside the Fortress of Darkness.
Bittelig, Alto, and Widgit all stand up, swearing their support for taking the kids to the Fortress, but without going inside because it’s too scary. Penelope turns to Susan and demands the piece of the map she stole so they can go to the Time of Legends. Susan and Gavin point out they don’t need the map to go there because they’re already in the Time of Legends.
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As the bandits process this knowledge, the island begins to shake. It rises into the air. Kevin runs to the edge for a better look. The entire island sits atop a giant’s head. Susan says his name is Hen (Josh Thomson). Penelope remembers Cassandra’s prophecy.
All episodes of Time Bandits Season 1 are streaming on Apple TV+ now.
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