Kevin (Kal-El Tuck) and the Time Bandits erupt out of a snowbank and arrive in the Ice Age at the beginning of Time Bandits Season 1 Episode 2, “Mayan,” which Penelope (Lisa Kudrow) assumes is Kevin’s home. As they prepare to leave him, Kevin protests this isn’t his home and definitely not his time.
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The Time Bandits insist he’s home, pointing to a nearby stick shelter and the two Neanderthals inside and identifying them as his parents. Kevin pleads with them that this is neither his house nor his family, but they depart. As he stands there shivering, the Bandits huddle to confer, sneaking looks at him. Finally, they call for him to come with them.
Time Bandits, “Mayan”
Kevin rejoins the Bandits, and Widgit (Roger Jean Nsengiyumva) admits that he got the time wrong, but they are where Kevin’s house will stand in 2024. Judy (Charlyne Yi) gives some directions, which rubs Penelope the wrong way. As Kevin and the Bandits head for the next portal, a nearby rock briefly manifests glowing eyes.
In a dense rainforest, a portal opens and spits out a screaming Kevin and the Time Bandits, also screaming. Getting up, Kevin confirms this is not his home. Penelope directs him to figure out where and when they are. He wanders off into the forest. While he’s gone, the others confer on whether he is actually knowledgeable or just a child.
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He returns suddenly, excited to share that he knows where and when they are. Following him back through the foliage, they come to a vista point where they can see a huge city with an ornate pyramid in the center. Kevin identifies their surroundings as what will be modern-day Mexico in the classical Mayan Period.
Scurry!
As they approach the city, Kevin stops to describe in gory detail what he’s read about Mayan ritualistic human sacrifice. This is a bit of a downer. As the group continues on, they run into a large group of Mayan warriors.
After some tense initial moments, the warriors welcome them to the city and invite them to meet the Queen. Kevin still believes they are being brought to the Queen to be sacrificed. The residents greet them with fruit gifts and bring them to the throne room of the queen, Lady Sak K’uk (Génesis Mancheren Ab’äj).
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Lady Sak K’uk welcomes them warmly and arranges for a feast. As the Maya set up the dining hall, Penelope gathers the Time Bandits and directs them to spread out and find out what is worth stealing.
“Take That Leap”
While everyone eats, Judy asks Sak K’uk how she administers and runs the city, thinking she might step into a leadership role with the Time Bandits. Sak K’uk advises her to make decisions rather than wait for things to happen.
Penelope learns there’s a city treasury where all the most valuable items are kept. To her delight, one of the Mayan warriors offers to show her the treasure.
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Kevin sits at the kids’ table with Sak K’uk’s son, who comments on the many sacrifices his mother has made for him. This catches Kevin’s attention, and he runs to find Alto (Tadhg Murphy), Bittelig (Rune Temte), and Widgit to tell them they’re still in danger of being sacrificed.
Penelope joins them and tells them they are all being taken to the treasure room after the feast. Kevin remains suspicious. The others try to warn Penelope, but she won’t hear them. She pulls Kevin aside and scolds him for frightening the others. Kevin admits his parents say that he always does the wrong thing. Penelope advises him to talk with his parents when he gets home.
Things Come True
In the treasure room, Sak K’uk shows them her people’s most precious heirlooms. When Penelope tries to pocket a carved jade toad, Kevin makes her put it back. He reminds her that he’d read the Maya would feast and give the VIP treatment to sacrifice victims before dressing them in fine clothes and taking them to the top of the temple and sacrificing them. Penelope points out they’ve only done the first two things, just as a warrior brings them fine clothes to wear for a special ritual at the top of the temple.
Penelope admits Kevin’s right, and they both decline the clothes before running to warn the others. Judy’s still talking with Sak K’uk, but Penelope manages to convey the danger she’s in. When the queen mentions the beautiful ritual they have planned for their guests, Kevin and the Bandits take off, running.
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They stop when they reach a cliff. The Mayan warriors arrive behind them and escort them back to the temple. In the temple’s topmost chamber, the queen holds out a ceremonial dagger. This terrifies Kevin and the Time Bandits, but the warriors cut off all their exits. Alto begins to offer himself in place of his friends but backs out at the last moment.
The Ritual
When asked if he’s okay, Alto explains he was volunteering for the ritual but doesn’t want to do it now. The queen asks why he doesn’t want to take part in the eating-the-fruit-and-watching-the-sunset ritual. Realizing they are in no danger, Penelope comes clean with the assumptions they have made. The queen is confused about why they’d think that about the Maya.
Kevin is pushed forward and admits that he read that information on Wikipedia. When questioned about Wikipedia’s sources, he confesses most of it is written by invaders. Sak K’uk recommends never believing invaders’ accounts. She discloses that when she invades people, she always makes them sound worse than they are, making up ridiculous and horrible stories about them.
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Alto notes that it is very rare to meet people who don’t always kill other people. Sak K’uk’s son reveals that they do kill people sometimes. Sak K’uk says that’s different. They only kill invaders, marauders and thieves. The Time Bandits get nervous again when they hear this. The queen asks if they are bandits and if they’ve stolen anything. Her son orders their bags and pouches searched.
When Penelope’s bag is searched, the warrior pulls out a small green … avocado. Thanking them for their hospitality, the Time Bandits beat a hasty retreat.
Back at the cliff, Widgit insists a portal should be nearby. Judy spots it in the space out below the cliff. Kevin recalls that Cassandra predicted he would jump off a cliff with the Time Bandits. With Judy making the decision, everyone holds hands, and they leap.
Bingley, 2024
Kevin’s parents are in front of the TV, reading reviews and spoilers about the show they are watching on their phones. In their backyard, the rock manifests glowing eyes again. Pure Evil watches from his throne room and tells Fianna (Rachel House), “It is time.”
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Fianna breaks out of the rock. Inside the house, Lisa (Felicity Ward) and Mike (James Dryden) hear noises from upstairs and call up to Kevin kudos for playing video games. In Kevin’s room, he and the Time Bandits emerge from his wardrobe. The portal through his wall is still open, as it’s only been a moment since they leaped through that. Sounds of the Supreme Being returning frighten everyone out of his room and into the upstairs corridor.
Once the Supreme Being exits back through the wardrobe, they relax, and Penelope bids Kevin farewell. He thanks them for letting him be a part of their team for a while.
In the yard, Fianna approaches the house. Upstairs, the Time Bandits return to Kevin all the items they’d stolen from his room. Downstairs, Lisa and Mike continue to focus on their phones until Fianna bangs on the back door. They turn around and, seeing Fianna through the glass, demand to know who she is. Fianna shoots lasers from her eyes, and Kevin’s parents scream. Kevin drops his stuff and runs downstairs to find lumps of coal where his parents were sitting.
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Coaled
The Time Bandits come down with him and tell him his parents have been “coaled” by a demon. A thumping outside is heard, and Fianna peeks through a window. Everyone runs screaming back upstairs. Kevin’s carrying his coaled parents.
Running back upstairs, Widgit tries to open the portal in the wardrobe. Downstairs, Fianna breaks a window to get in. When the portal opens again, the Time Bandits say goodbye (again) to Kevin. He calls to Penelope, calling her Firestorm, and asks her if he can go back in time to save his parents. She hesitates but decides to take Kevin with them. Fianna gets upstairs. Saffron (Keira Thompson) is obliviously listening to music on headphones in her room. Penelope and Kevin escape through the wardrobe just before Fianna gets into his bedroom.
Meanwhile…
In the Sky Citadel, the Supreme Being removes his giant head and tells Jasper (Roy Iro) and Jasper (Oscar Kightley) that he’s had a terrible day. As he makes his way through the halls, answering creation questions and partaking in a questionable cup of “cherub spice,” he tells them the Time Bandits are traveling with the map and living portals open all over the place.
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Arriving at his office, he shares his super secret project with the Jaspers, not realizing Damon is behind them, spying.
Time Bandits streams on Apple TV+, with two new episodes dropping every Wednesday.
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