Hey there, horror fans! Welcome to another edition of Horror With a Side of Cheese. Here is a quick breakdown for all of the newcomers. I am on a hunt for the cheesiest horror films out there. Twice each month, on the first and third Fridays, I come here and talk about my latest finds. Additionally, I rate the movies between one and five cheese slices. Multiple factors go into the rating, including story, acting, dialogue, effects and re-watchability. In this edition, I am talking about the 2018 film The VelociPastor. Stick around to find out how many cheese slices I give this one.
About The VelociPastor
After tragically losing his parents, a pastor sets out on a trip abroad to clear his head. While overseas, he inexplicably obtains the power to transform into a velociraptor. Now he must balance this terrible power with his ministry. After returning to the States, Doug Jones (Greg Cohan) teams up with an unlikely ally. Also, there are ninjas.
RELATED: Horror With a Side of Cheese: Critters
The VelociPastor stars Greg Cohan, Alyssa Kempinski, Daniel Steere, Janice Young and George Schewnzer. Brendan Steere wrote and directed the film.
This movie has a 61 percent Tomatometer Score and a 72 percent Audience Score on Rotten Tomatoes.
Fun fact: According to a report from Fangoria, there is a sequel in the works. The story follows Doug and Carol as they travel to Milan and solve a series of murders.
My Thoughts
I am not sure what I was expecting going into this movie, but I don’t think it is what I observed. The VelociPastor is one of those rare cheesy horror movies that is intentional with its cheesiness. It is not trying to be a serious film. From the crazy camera angles to the hilarious nature of the story, it plays into the tropes.
RELATED: Underrated Horror Movie of the Month: Chastity Bites
The first point I want to discuss is the plot. A distraught man of the “clawth” travels to China and is bestowed with the power of the Dragon Warrior. Essentially, this means that he turns into a velociraptor when he experiences extreme emotions. Then, he teams up with a hooker/doctor/lawyer to take revenge on bad people. Along the way, a group of ninjas bent on taking down the Dragon warrior find him. If that is not a wild storyline, I do not know what is. Major cheesy points.
Moving on to the dialogue, I was in stitches from laughing so hard. One of my favorite lines is when Carol confronts Doug about turning into a velociraptor. Doug responds that he does not believe in dinosaurs, but even if he does, he doesn’t turn into one. At another point, Carol says, “I don’t know much about God.” Doug tells her, “I don’t know much about dinosaurs.” Finally, I present when Doug says, “I fought some ninjas last night. Maybe they followed me home.” There are far too many similarly hilarious lines to list here.
RELATED: Demons to Summon in the Bathroom at Your Next Party!
The effects and props lend another layer of cheesiness to the film. To begin, there are several scenes where I am confident the “blood” is tomato soup, the cheap kind. One of the wigs used is so comical it is worth mentioning all on its own. According to a social media post from writer/director Brendan Steele, the dino costume was created for a movie he was going to direct in high school, a remake of the 1970 film The Last Dinosaur. At one point, there is a severed head that is glaringly a mannequin head. Overall, the effects are prime cheesy horror material.
The acting is in the style of the old kung-fu movies, which is epic. The over-exaggeration, the movements, and the ninjas work together to achieve a whole level of cheesiness that a few can only reach.
RELATED: Every Nightmare on Elm Street Film, Ranked
Finally, re-watchability. In short, I am adding The VelociPastor to my list of horror movies to watch when I need a pick-me-up. I found this movie to be entertaining and funny. If you want a serious film, this is not the one, but if you are into campy movies, it is fantastic. I am giving this one a solid 4.75 cheese slices.
There you have it, horror fans, another cheesy movie in the books. Have you seen The VelociPastor? Let us know in the comments! Until next time, enjoy the trailer for this movie below. Stay cheesy, stay spooky, and above all, watch more horror movies.
https://www.geekgirlauthority.com/winnie-the-pooh-blood-and-honey-movie-review/
- Underrated Horror Movie of the Month: DEAD SILENCE - May 15, 2025
- Underrated Horror Movie of the Month: THE VILLAGE - May 7, 2025
- 4 Places We Want to Visit in the STAR WARS Universe - May 4, 2025
