DISCLAIMER: This recap of The Umbrella Academy penultimate episode “Seven Bells” has spoilers. Prepare for the apocalypse, and proceed at your peril.
Welcome back, Hargreeves enthusiasts! The Umbrella Academy‘s ninth outing is a nailbiter as the end looms closer for our protagonists. Reginald Hargreeves is as much of a snake in the grass in this timeline as in the original one. My poor Luther! My sweet, sweet Klaus! Reggie must pay, y’all.
The monumental “Seven Bells” cliffhanger deftly lays the groundwork for an explosive, white-knuckled, action-packed season finale. Here’s hoping they can jump to a timeline with another version of Klaus and Luther.
Ready to delve into “Seven Bells”? Let’s get to it.
We open with a flashback featuring Luther (Tom Hopper) on the moon. A montage plays out wherein he logs transmissions to Reginald and goes about his day. However, over three years pass with nary a word from his father. While Luther encounters a strange force field on the moon’s surface, the camera pans on a device containing Abigail, Reginald’s wife, in stasis. Luther is there to protect her.
Back in the present, Ben (Justin H. Min) wakes on a pool table while Klaus (Robert Sheehan) snoozes below him. We see the word “asshole” scrawled across Ben’s back. They briefly reminisce about the adventurous evening before Ben takes a turn for the sour. Klaus insists he scratched the surface of Mean Ben; however, MB claims he doesn’t love any of the Umbrellas and storms off. I’d like to point out that Mean Ben has rockin’ abs.
Meanwhile, Five (Aidan Gallagher) wakes in the hotel kitchen after a debaucherous night. Hungover, Five strings together the events of the night before, landing on the moment he spotted Reginald striking a deal with a mysterious person.
Reggie (Colm Feore) treats Viktor (Elliot Page) to breakfast in bed. Viktor is hesitant to accept, thinking Daddy Hargreeves has something up his sleeve, but DH seems content simply spending time with his son. It’s a shame he fought with Allison last night, though…
Luther and Sloane (Genesis Rodriguez) enjoy some sexy morning time on the floor, as a newlywed couple does. Allison (Emmy Raver-Lampman) barges in, apologizing profusely for her behavior the past few days. Allison mentions Reggie’s scheduled family meeting, which Sloane persuades a reluctant Luther to attend. Luther encourages his sister to seek out Viktor on her Apology Tour.
DH finds Five sitting on the planet’s edge, drinking while watching the Kugelblitz absorb more and more matter. The hotel is the only thing between the Kugelblitz and total universal annihilation. Five wonders what Daddy Hargreeves has in store for the kids. Reggie claims he merely wants to correct his wrongs and save those he loves. He has a plan to eradicate the Kugelblitz, but it’ll take everyone’s participation, including Five.
Five asks DH who he was chatting with the night before, but the latter asserts he was alone. Shady.
Later, Reggie brings the Hargreeves in for a meeting, including Diego (David Castañeda) and Lila (Ritu Arya). Reginald regales the crew with a tale he grew up with: the Seven Bells. It will take seven heroes to traverse to the other side of the portal in the White Buffalo Suite, face the guardian therein and save the universe from the Kugelblitz. Of course, Diego and Lila already encountered said guardian, and Diego lost two fingers.
Luther asks DH if they can think about it. They’ll return to the lobby in an hour with their votes.
Diego and Lila are in the desolate barbershop, treating themselves to a free self-cut. Diego wants Lila to stay behind while he forges ahead with Daddy Hargreeves, citing that he wants Lila to survive with their child if they can save the universe. But Lila’s gonna Lila, and she’s also a fighter, like him.
Meanwhile, Allison apologizes to Viktor, and the pair hugs it out. I was on board with this until I saw an expression pass Allison’s face while they embraced. Something’s amiss.
Later, everyone returns to the lobby after ruminating on the matter. Allison, Klaus, Lila and Ben vote to join their father for the potentially universe-saving, 100 percent perilous mission. Luther, Sloane, Viktor, Five and Diego cast their votes to stay behind and enjoy what little time they have left before the Kugelblitz incinerates them.
To Allison’s dismay, Reginald insists this is his fault and declares they won’t embark on the said mission. As DH walks away, Viktor wonders whether their dad legitimately apologized to them.
Next, Luther finds Reggie sitting alone in the White Buffalo Suite. They talk it out, and Daddy Hargreeves calls Luther a “remarkable man,” offering his sincerest apologies for forking up the latter’s life.
However, this reconciliation came too late, according to Reginald. DH stabs Luther in the back with his alien blade, then proceeds to slash his chest. My sweet baby Luther! Right when he believes he’s finally receiving the apology he so deserves. It seems the Reggie in this timeline is a dickhead, too.
It’s interesting how Allison calls Luther “Brutus,” yet Reginald is the one betraying the family, stabbing “Julius Caesar,” a.k.a. Luther, in the back.
Five finds Viktor in the hallway, and the duo discusses the drunken antics of the previous night. The lightbulb switches on in Five’s head, and he recalls the identity of the mystery person with Reginald — Allison. Allison struck a deal with their insidious father.
Sloane lets out a bloodcurdling scream, and we see her cradling Luther in her arms. Reggie bursts into the room, feigning dismay at seeing a dead Luther. Diego muses whether the guardian from the other side of the portal slashed Luther’s chest.
Suddenly, the Kugelblitz engulfs most of the hotel, taking poor Chet (Julian Richings) with it. Reggie orders the children to flee into the tunnel to the Hotel Oblivion. Allison pulls the grieving Sloane away from Luther’s body.
Klaus is about to enter the tunnel when Reggie impedes him, claiming Klaus is too much of a liability. Figurative backstabbing! He leaves Klaus to the Kugelblitz. Our fave immortal sibling throws himself onto the horns of the buffalo head on the wall, puncturing himself through the heart. We see the Kugelblitz incinerate him along with Luther. Klaus trusted DH too!
Holy. Motherforking. Shirtballs.
There’s so much betrayal and backstabbing in this episode — literal and figurative — in the name of accelerating individual agendas. Well, Allison’s “agenda” seems purer compared to Daddy Hargreeves. I’m trying to figure out how they’ll end this season with everyone in one piece, especially with the universe as we know it utterly decimated.
The Kugelblitz is like The Umbrella Academy‘s version of Thanos’s snap in the MCU. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to tell who will resurrect from this decidedly more volatile universal snap.
Do you think our heroes can defeat the guardian? Will they see Reggie for who he is? How will we get Klaus and Luther back? Join me while I continue recapping The Umbrella Academy, only on Geek Girl Authority.
The Umbrella Academy Season 3 is now streaming on Netflix.