DISCLAIMER: This recap of The Umbrella Academy episode “743” is rife with spoilers galore. You’ve been warned. Proceed with caution. 

Welcome back, super weirdos! We’ve reached penultimate episode territory! Episode nine gave way to revelations and resurrections (of sorts). Lila learned that Five was responsible for killing her parents. Vanya finally emerged as her normal self after Ben sacrificed his ghost self to save her. What a valiant ghost brother. Five and the other Five sparred over who would get the lone briefcase between them. Despite their supposed “alliance,” older looking Five conspired with Luther to get the upper hand on our Five. He may be a little overly caffeinated terror, but he’s our little overly caffeinated terror! 

Ready to delve into “743?” Let’s get to it. 

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Now, we open where we left off — Diego (David Castañeda), Allison (Emmy Raver-Lampman), and Klaus (Robert Sheehan) are trying to figure out how to safely get to Vanya (Ellen Page). Klaus chickens out and refers to himself as “sexy trash,” and now I want to call myself “sexy trash.” It’s what the cool kids are doing nowadays. Each one of the three attempts to make their way toward Vanya. However, her massive Super Saiyan powers knock them backward. That’s when ghost baby Ben (Justin Min) swoops in to save the day. 

Meanwhile, our Five (Aidan Gallagher), Luther (Tom Hopper), and the older looking Five are heading toward the grassy knoll. The presidential procession is winding around the corner in Dallas. Older looking Five conspires with Luther regarding our Five. It’s quite clear that the other Five wants to kill our Five. Even our Five surmises to Luther as much. Both Fives are suffering from Paradox Psychosis. Luther has fallen prey to their dual flatulence enough to know it’s true. 

Still of Ellen Page in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX/NETFLIX © 2020

Next, we see The Handler (Kate Walsh) getting all snazzy for her inauguration. Lila (Ritu Arya) is watching her mother primp. We see that The Handler has the fish formerly known as Fishbowl Head (AJ) in a bowl on her desk. While Lila and The Handler are chatting, the fish is spelling out the numbers “743” with pebbles. Herb waltzes in to report something and takes note of this. He scurries off and starts rummaging through old files until he reaches “Case 743.” It’s there that he discovers something unsettling. What is it, though? 

Then, Sissy (Marin Ireland) notices that Harlan is having seizures. He’s tightly linked to Vanya at the moment. Carl, in a panic, scoops him up and vows to take him to a mental facility. Sissy chases him down, asserting that a facility like that won’t help Harlan in the long run. Carl tosses the boy in his car and is about to pull out of the drive. However, Sissy impedes his path with a gun brandished at the ready. Mama Bear protective instincts are kicking in!

Meanwhile, Herb discloses his findings to Lila, since this revelation pertains to her. As it turns out, it wasn’t a simple robbery gone wrong that killed her parents…it was Five. Five was tasked with a mission to procure Lila and said mission was approved by AJ. Fishbowl Head!

Next, older looking Five procures a gun and points it over the gate. Kennedy isn’t far from them now. Older looking Five and our Five start bickering, which leads to physical combat. Luther attempts to intervene but is promptly kicked in the gonads by both Fives. 

Later, Ben wanders into Vanya’s mind. Of course, her overabundant powers have no effect on him since he’s incorporeal. He finds poor Vanya curled up on the floor. Depression in a nutshell. Tears are streaking down her face. However, when she spots Ben, her eyes light up slightly. Vanya feels awful now that she recalls everything. She killed Pogo, she almost killed Allison, and kick-started the apocalypse. That’s a lot of fork ups. Ben reveals that he’ll stay behind in her place. She must rejoin her siblings and help them save the world. Everyone still loves her. She’s valued by her family. Nobody’s perfect. 

Ben in The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Stills

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY JUSTIN H. MIN as BEN HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX/NETFLIX © 2020

Now, Ben starts to slowly disappear. He’s finally passing on. He asks Vanya if she can hug him while he goes, since he hasn’t had a proper hug in 17 years. I’m not crying. Nope. I’m just inexplicably cutting onions while watching TV. This scene was so simple, yet so beautiful. To me, this is an accurate depiction of depression. Ben’s ray of positivity is a representation of all the wonderful things we should say to ourselves. We should always remember our worth. 

Also, prior to his departure, Ben asks Vanya if she can pass something on to Klaus. 

Meanwhile, back at the farmhouse, Carl gets out of the car and taunts Sissy. He doesn’t think she has the gumption to shoot him. Harlan scrambles out of the car and flits to his mother’s side. The gun accidentally goes off, and Harlan’s powers cause the bullet to bury itself in Carl’s chest. He inadvertently killed his own father. To be fair, though, his father was a massive prick. 

Next, Lila confronts The Handler regarding Five’s mission to kill her parents. Of course, she makes herself look positively angelic in this narrative. However, we see a flashback wherein The Handler approved Five’s mission, but she used AJ’s (Fishbowl Head) name. Sneaky! After Lila leaves to get her revenge against Five, The Handler stuffs AJ into her mouth. Yes, she eats a goldfish in one gulp. Yummy. 

Later, Luther has older looking Five’s gun. Both Fives proceed to tell Luther who to shoot. Our Five orders Luther to shoot the other Five and vice versa. It’s all confusing for our big gorilla man. Back at the FBI headquarters, Vanya emerges wholly herself. All memories intact. She’s in a becalmed state. And while people did die, at least she didn’t trigger the apocalypse! Success!

But, Diego realizes there’s still time to save Kennedy. He leaves the others behind and makes a break for the presidential procession. Our Five proceeds to open a portal, with the briefcase in hand, to 2019. He promises to tell the other Five how to fix the math when traveling. Since this is before older looking Five attempted to travel home. Before he botched the math and wound up stuck in a teenage boy’s body forever. Our Five agrees. He starts rattling off math terms that go far over my humble head. 

Still of David Castaneda in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY DAVID CASTA„EDA as DIEGO HARGREEVES in episode 202 of THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. CHRISTOS KALOHORIDIS/NETFLIX © 2020

However, the pair have one last struggle over the briefcase. There’s tugging and pulling. Time runs out as the portal starts to close. Our Five quickly pushes the other Five through the portal. Luther is elated until our Five points out that the briefcase was torn in half. Now they can’t use it to get home. Yay?

Meanwhile, Diego is sprinting across the road to a figure shrouded in black sporting a matching black umbrella. He believes it’s Daddy Hargreeves. Diego proceeds to tackle this man. Unfortunately, it’s not his father. However, this doppelganger does have a note for Diego from Daddy Hargreeves. “Told you so,” the note says. 

Next, Daddy Hargreeves (Colm Feore) shows up at a meeting with The Majestic 12. It’s at the same restaurant wherein he had that disastrous light supper with his future children. He accuses the 12 for crossing the line. Kennedy wasn’t supposed to get hurt, let alone die. Oh yeah — Kennedy still dies in this timeline. Daddy Hargreeves decides to quit the 12. But not before taking off his literal face to reveal a forking alien underneath. Then, he slaughters them all with his alien powers. I knew there was something off about the patriarch of the Hargreeves family. Daddy Hargreeves does come off very alien-like in his behavior in general. 

Later, The Handler essentially enacts doomsday protocol. Back at the farmhouse, Harlan’s powers grow increasingly out of control. We see the barn alight with blue. Clearly, Sissy took Harlan inside the barn to protect him from the outside world. 

RELATED: Read all of The Umbrella Academy recaps here!

I can’t believe it’s almost the end! So far, Season 2 of The Umbrella Academy has been a wild and raucous ride. Undoubtedly, the season finale is going to up the ante and end on a massive plot twist. Well hopefully. But I have faith that the Powers That Be will deliver as promised. Until then, I’ll continue to be sexy trash like Klaus the Prophet. 

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 is now streaming on Netflix.