DISCLAIMER: This recap of The Umbrella Academy episode “Valhalla” is rife with spoilers galore. You’ve been warned. Proceed with caution.

Welcome back, super weirdos! We’ve officially reached the halfway point in Season 2 of The Umbrella Academy. This episode, the Hargreeves had a family reunion! And, as per their usual, it was riddled with needless bickering. But they wouldn’t be our favorite super siblings without some squabbling. We learned of Pogo’s origins and delved deeper into Daddy Hargreeves and Mama Grace’s relationship. The Swedes targeted Diego, but not without losing one of their own (RIP Tall Swedish Guy). There’s also another dance party, because The Umbrella Academy, duh. 

Ready to delve into “Valhalla?” Let’s get to it. 

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Now, we open on 1962 in Cape Canaveral. Baby Pogo is introduced to Mama Grace (Jordan Claire Robbins) and Daddy Hargreeves (Colm Feore). What follows is a montage wherein the pair train Pogo for a space mission. Unfortunately, said space mission goes terribly awry. So, to save poor baby Pogo, Daddy Hargreeves injects him with a serum that heals his wounds. Is it the very same serum he used on Luther in Season 1? I’m gonna bet “yes” on that. 

Later, in the present, Diego (David Castañeda) is having his doubts regarding Lila (Ritu Arya). He calls her out for not saving him and for choosing to aid Five (Aidan Gallagher) instead. Five threatens to kill her if they ever cross paths again. Diego flees the scene, leaving Lila behind. I don’t like it when my parents fight!

Meanwhile, Klaus (Robert Sheehan) and Allison (Emmy Raver-Lampman) get their day drinking on, much to Ben’s (Justin Min) dismay. I’m really enjoying the close bond developing between Klaus and Allison. Speaking of revelry, Vanya (Ellen Page) and Sissy (Marin Ireland) wake up from a night of glorious ecstasy. Vanya believes they should run away together. Then, they could spend as much time as they want sleeping in til 9am! 

Next, Diego and Five return to Elliot’s humble abode to find Luther (Tom Hopper) is the newest resident. Luther delves into his latest interaction with Daddy Hargreeves. When he first arrived in 1962, he took a bus to NYC to the Umbrella Academy. He wandered inside to find Daddy Hargreeves attending to a multitude of guests. Being the man of the hour, of course. Luther waltzes right up to him and declares he’s Daddy Hargeeves’ son from the future. That doesn’t go over well. Firstly, Daddy Hargreeves insists that he despises children, so why would he adopt seven? Secondly, time travel is a touchy subject. Thirdly, Luther is in desperate need of a shower. Thus, our Number 1 was unceremoniously kicked out of his actual home. 

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Stills

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) EMMY RAVER-LAMPMAN as ALLISON HARGREEVES, ROBERT SHEEHAN as KLAUS HARGREEVES and ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. CHRISTOS KALOHORIDIS/NETFLIX © 2020

After that, Diego delivers perhaps one of my favorite lines of the season — “He did worse…he shanked you in the heart.” I think it’s the delivery that had me in stitches. Of course, he’s referring to Daddy Hargreeves openly ridiculing Luther at a party. 

Oh, and remember that family gathering? We’ve got it here, folks! Vanya shows up to chat with Diego, Luther, and Five. She even apologizes to Diego for, you know, trying to inadvertently kill everyone in 2019. Then, Klaus and Allison join the party. The Hargreeves siblings hug it out. Klaus asserts that everyone got hotter over the years. True that. Ben is there too, in his ghostly way. 

So, Five sits everyone down for a meeting. The apocalypse is mere days away, as is Kennedy’s arrival to Dallas. Diego is still hellbent on saving Kennedy from assassination. Five fills those out of the know that Daddy Hargreeves was on the grassy knoll amid Kennedy’s assassination. Thus, they believe he may have something to do with it. Well, more like Diego. After some extensive bickering, Diego storms out. Luther follows him. 

Next, Luther tries to convince Diego to join Team Leave the Kennedy Assassination Alone. There’s a t-shirt in it for him if he does. Suddenly, a limo pulls up. A decrepit elderly man exits the vehicle. He hands the boys an invitation from Daddy Hargreeves himself — an invitation for a light supper. Naturally, Luther balks at reading “light supper.” If anything, he needs at least a moderate supper with that body. 

Still of Robert Sheehan, Emmy Raver-Lampman, and Ellen Page in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) ROBERT SHEEHAN as KLAUS HARGREEVES, EMMY RAVER-LAMPMAN as ALLISON HARGREEVES and ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in episode 205 of THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. CHRISTOS KALOHORIDIS/NETFLIX © 2020

Meanwhile, Klaus, Vanya, and Allison decide to have a Just Us Gals Day at the latter’s place of employment — the hair salon. They get inebriated, they dance, and it’s all adorable. They ruminate over their failed relationships. In fact, Five actually had the most stable relationship out of all the Hargreeves. And that was decades living in an apocalyptic wasteland while bonking a mannequin. 

Later, the Swedes discover that their next target, courtesy of The Handler, is Diego. We see the trio stalking the woods when they encounter one of Diego’s blades. It’s embedded in a tree. However, when one of them gets too close to it, he explodes. Nothing remains of the hitman save a charred foot. 

Next, Five finds Lila roaming the streets and decides to follow her. She gives chase, recalling quite well Five’s blatant threat on her life. She leads him into a warehouse. Then, Five and Lila duke it out. Lots of kicking and punching. Finally, Five manages to pin Lila on the ground with his foot to her throat. That’s when The Handler (Kate Walsh) emerges from the shadows, armed with her sardonic wit and a lit cigarette. She obviously wants something from Five. 

Meanwhile, Vanya returns to the farmhouse drunk as a skunk. She confesses her deep love for Sissy. However, Sissy’s back to sexing her husband Carl. While she does harbor love for Vanya, it’s also 1963 and homosexuality isn’t as widely accepted like today. 

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 Stills

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) TOM SINCLAIR as OSCAR, KRIS HOLDEN-RIED as AXEL and JASON BRYDEN as OTTO in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. CHRISTOS KALOHORIDIS/NETFLIX © 2020

Now, the two remaining Swedes have a funeral for their fallen (exploded) brother. It’s very Game of Thrones-esque. Klaus reticently returns to his mansion and embraces his followers. You know, in case the apocalypse will actually unfold. Allison returns home and decides to tell Raymond (Yusuf Gatewood) everything. The whole kit and caboodle. 

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The stakes are ramping up, folks. The Swedes will most certainly be on the warpath now that one of them as died a ghastly, gruesome death. The Handler most certainly wants Five to do something for her…but what? And what can Five receive in exchange? Daddy Hargreeves is keen on having the family join him for a light supper. I can’t help but wonder if he knows who they are, even in 1963. Side note: everyone can leave Klaus alone now. Let’s just ensure The Hargreeves siblings’ collective happiness, alright? You get to be happy! You get to be happy! Everyone gets to be happy!

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 is now streaming on Netflix.