DISCLAIMER: This recap of The Umbrella Academy episode “The Majestic 12” is rife with spoilers galore. You’ve been warned. Proceed with caution. 

Welcome back, super weirdos! We’re chugging right along through Season 2, folks. “The Majestic 12” bore witness to the greatest infiltration plot known to humankind. Well, sort of. We learned the Swedes also work for The Commission. Additionally, they were dispatched to hunt down the Hargreeves by The Handler herself. Small world! Diego and Five spotted Daddy Hargreeves and Mama Grace. Yes, Grace was an actual human in 1963. Lila’s allegiance was put to the test, much to Diego’s chagrin. My sweet baby Klaus also endured homophobic ridicule at the hands of a middle-aged very much closeted white man. 

Ready to delve into “The Majestic 12?” Let’s get to it. 

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Now, we open with The Handler (Kate Walsh) mucking about in 1993 London. She enters a home wherein two adults were clearly slaughtered like animals. The Handler finds a small girl hiding in a cupboard of sorts. She eventually coerces the girl out of hiding. We learn this is a young Lila. A montage plays out of Lila growing up with The Handler. There’s a scene wherein Lila endures rigorous training in combat and endurance. Another scene with Lila all dolled up as if she were attending prom. However, in the next shot, we see she was merely sent out for her first kill job. Aw — baby’s first kill!

Later, we’re back in the present. Lila (Ritu Arya) and The Handler are discussing the former’s next mission — protect Five. At all costs. Why? He’s a key player in preventing the apocalypse. That, and The Handler despises the little rascal. Keep your enemies closer, indeed. 

Next, Vanya (Ellen Page) decides to pay Luther (Tom Hopper) a visit while Five (Aidan Gallagher) waits outside. Luther is still irate where Five is concerned. He refuses to go anywhere as long as Five is present. Suddenly, Luther’s mafia boss comes storming in and promptly fires him. Apparently, he lost a ton of money when Luther fixed the big match. So, now Luther is homeless and jobless. He punches a hole in the brick wall. As Vanya and Five drive away, Luther flips Five the bird. It’s deserved. Vanya also decides to abandon Five. 

Still of David Castaneda and Ritu Arya in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) RITU ARYA as LILA and DAVID CASTA„EDA as DIEGO HARGREEVES in episode 204 of THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. CHRISTOS KALOHORIDIS/NETFLIX © 2020

Now, Diego (David Castañeda) and Lila read the piece of paper Five confiscated from Daddy Hargreeves’ office. It’s an invitation to a prestigious gala at the Mexican Consulate of Dallas. “The Majestic 12” will be present as well. Daddy Hargreeves is an esteemed member of said group. 

Then, Vanya returns to the farm, much to Sissy’s (Marin Ireland) delight. Reunited and it feels so good!

Meanwhile, Klaus (Robert Sheehan) works up the nerve to talk to Dave. They initially talked in a paint store, but obviously young Dave didn’t recognize Klaus. Now, our favorite prophet sidles up to Dave in a restaurant and urges the latter not to enlist in the military. Klaus knows that Dave will die in the Vietnam War — he bore witness to it.

Dave’s uncle returns from the restroom and verbally belittles Klaus, calling him “queer” with not even a modicum of affection in his voice. He demands Dave punch Klaus to prove his manhood. Dave does as he’s bid, albeit reluctantly. Embarrassed, Klaus flees the scene. Ben (Justin Min) is under the impression that Klaus is only being selfish in trying to prevent Dave from enlisting. But Klaus reveals that he just wants Dave to live a happy life. Oh, my sweet summer child. 

Later, Allison (Emmy Raver-Lampman) is aghast to find Raymond (Yusuf Gatewood) is hosting a meeting in the hair salon without her. He’s still angry with her regarding the previous night’s events. Raymond ushers her outside and attempts to elicit the truth out of Allison. He knows she coerced that officer to stop beating him. But it was something beyond human. However, Allison keeps mum on the ordeal. Raymond storms back inside the salon. 

Meanwhile, Klaus puts the kibosh on his three years of sobriety by running amok in a liquor store. Commence bender! Klaus returns to his mansion armed to the gills with booze only to have his crazily devout followers chase him. With love, of course. 

Then, we see Diego, Five, and Lila are lying in wait for the opportune moment to strike. Everyone is dressed for the occasion, save Five who perpetually rocks the Catholic schoolboy look. Allison and Luther reunite over mass quantities of food as the latter proceeds to eat his feelings…again. Allison had no idea about the apocalypse, so Luther fills her in. Of course, Luther is still upset that she’s married. 

Next, our infiltration trio are at the gala in the Mexican Consulate. Lila and Diego hit the dance floor while Five goes sniffing about for anything remotely fishy. Diego also runs into Mama Grace (Jordan Claire Robbins), who was accompanied by Daddy Hargeeves. And…wait for it…she’s wholly human. Which makes Daddy Hargreeves’ decision to craft a Grace robot all the more sinister. Naturally, she hasn’t the faintest idea who Diego is. 

Meanwhile, Sissy’s son Harlan goes missing. Vanya and Sissy split up to search for him outside. Vanya approaches a pond. She notices a toy of Harlan’s floating on the surface. Knowing he most likely drowned, she utilizes her gift to literally life the water out of the pond. All Moses parting the Red Sea and such. She spots him unconscious on the pond floor and quickly snatches him up before the water comes crashing down again. Thankfully, after a few moments of trying, Vanya is able to resuscitate the boy. Success! He’s alive! 

Still of Ellen Page in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX/NETFLIX © 2020

Later, Luther shows up at Elliot’s (Kevin Rankin) door armed with bags and a desk lamp. Luther is clearly down in the dumps, so Elliot suggests they kick the pity party up a notch with some nitrous. Let’s get high, fellas!

Then, we see Sissy and Vanya celebrating the successful saving of Harlan. Well, thanks to Vanya and her superpowers. The pair get intimate…really intimate. There’s loads of smooching and touching. Finally! Vanya snags a lady! Klaus drunkenly shacks up with Allison, who’s no stranger to the former’s drinking benders. Luther and Elliot are high as kites on that good ol’ nitrous. 

Still of Marin Ireland and Ellen Page in The Umbrella Academy.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY (L to R) MARIN IRELAND as SISSY and ELLEN PAGE as VANYA HARGREEVES in THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY Cr. COURTESY OF NETFLIX/NETFLIX © 2020

Back at the gala, Five is hiding in a closet. He catches a glimpse of Daddy Hargreeves (Colm Feore). The old man is in a meeting for The Majestic 12. Suddenly, Daddy Hargreeves spots Five and promptly concludes said meeting. Suddenly, the Swedes show up in the corridor, as per The Handler’s orders, I’m certain. Diego is feverishly trying to fend off two while Five is duking it out with the other. Of course, Lila’s orders are to protect Five at all costs. So, when two roads diverged in a wood, Lila took the road to a 58 year-old trapped in a 13 year-old’s body. She saves Five by kicking the snot out of his opponent. Thankfully, Diego is able to handle the other two Swedes after a daunting struggle. 

Then, the trio are outside watching Daddy Hargreeves and Mama Grace taking their leave. Before they depart, however, Five shouts out something in Greek to Daddy Hargreeves. However, the old man ignores it. 

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While nothing can replace the utter magic of Season 1, Season 2 of The Umbrella Academy has me hook, line, and sinker. I’ve always been intrigued by time travel, so this season’s timey wimey escapades are right up my alley. Vanya and Sissy’s attraction organically blossomed into a full-fledged romance. It was lovely to see Vanya truly euphoric for once. So…when’s the other shoe gonna drop? 

The Umbrella Academy Season 2 is now streaming on Netflix.