The Righteous Gemstones delivered a double-episode season finale that reminds audiences just how versatile it is. This series is a healthy amalgam of belly laughs, copious tears and the occasional gasp, complete with surprisingly high-octane action sequences that shouldn’t fit the tone, but they do. Oh, they do. Episode eight, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You,” and episode nine, “Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted,” certainly serve as a solid series finale. Thankfully, Gemstones has been renewed for Season 4!

Everything about these two episodes is perfect, from Gideon getting another badass save-the-day moment by destroying Peter’s compound in The Redeemer to Kelvin and Keefe finally (Squee!) kissing. Amid all the biting comedy and sleek action, there’s plenty of heart and tender moments. Admittedly, I teared up significantly during the final scene, with Dolly Parton‘s cover of “Shine” playing and Aimee-Leigh watching over her family. (Okay, that really made the waterworks flow.) 

Overall, Season 3 is about redemption (just look at Jesse’s monster truck). Peter and the Montgomery boys don’t need their arcs to culminate in death. I love that it tested the Gemstones’ capacity for forgiveness and understanding that everyone falls. The family’s bond only strengthens by bringing Peter back into the fold. The finale, especially, is bursting at the seams with so much love. I love how accepting they are of Kelvin and Keefe. 

In honor of our fave obscenely wealthy family (sorry, Succession), here are my favorite quotes from the Season 3 finale. 

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KELVIN: “I like doing claps and laughters with you.” 

Kelvin (Adam Devine) says this to Keefe (Tony Cavalero) earlier in episode eight, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You.” Then, of course, came the big kiss toward the end. This line and their conversation while Keefe’s massaging Kelvin feels like a subtle declaration of love. There’s something so pure and wholesome about it. I hope they do claps and laughters with each other for all eternity. Kelvin + Keefe = 4eva. 

Keefe and Kelvin stand and face each other in the hallway of the church in The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episode 8, "I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You."

THE RIGHTEOUS GEMSTONES Season 3 Episode 8, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You.” Photo credit: Jake Giles Netter/HBO.

JESSE: “Look, all of us know that our daddy’s a dickhead, okay? That is a f*cking pill that we always have known we have to swallow. But we can’t think about that anymore. Because now is the time for us to join together to evolve into the independent, free-thinking church leaders that the three have … have been here to always to know.” 

Nobody has harnessed the eloquence and nuance of language quite like Jesse Gemstone (Danny McBride). I love how this monologue progressively gets more incomprehensible the longer he talks. McBride is very adept at playing characters who think they sound smart when they don’t. He never delivers these lines in an over-the-top manner, either. That makes it even funnier. 

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SIMKINS: “You keep on truckin’.”

JESSE: “Don’t you tell me how to walk. I truck everywhere I walk.” 

Jesse should always wear a cape. Capes are breeding grounds for fun comedic moments. I’m now adding “I truck everywhere I walk” to my lexicon. This scene with Jesse and Simkins (Stephen Dorff) is a delightful battle of the capes. Lots of twirling and ostentatious posing. I think Jesse definitely won that cape-off. Don’t let the dizzy stumble into the wall fool you. 

Jesse sits at a restaurant table while looking pensive in The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episode 8, "I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You."

THE RIGHTEOUS GEMSTONES Season 3 Episode 8, “I Will Take You by the Hand and Keep You.” Photo credit: Jake Giles Netter/HBO.

UNCLE BABY BILLY: “Now, I know y’all see me as a mentor figure. It’s no mystery that y’all are basically orphans. I mean, your mama’s dead, your daddy’s out to lunch, but who stepped up? Me. I had to step up, and I had to guide you, and counsel you, and hold you. Well, I feel like I’m your daddy.” 

KELVIN: “You didn’t do any of those things you just said.” 

UNCLE BABY BILLY: “I’ve done it. I am y’all’s daddy.” 

JUDY/JESSE: “Not my daddy.” “You ain’t my daddy, boy.”

Uncle Baby Billy (Walton Goggins) makes every Gemstones episode better. Exponentially so. Uncle Baby Billy’s interaction with the Gemstone siblings is hilarious, as he not-so-subtly encourages them to cheat for the inaugural taping of Baby Billy’s Bible Bonkers. The pitch-perfect, easygoing comedic timing displayed by everyone in this scene elevates the already hysterical dialogue. I can hear Jesse, Judy (Edi Patterson) and Kelvin saying “deddy” in my head as I type this. Uncle Baby Billy is a deddy to us all. 

*My runner-up Uncle Baby Billy quote: “Lionel, stop crying! Ain’t nobody gonna ransom you!” BB is a legend. 

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JUDY: “Trust me, I did not think The System would be any good at all. Getting handed this box of The System, we were so mad. We wanted to kill. We thought, ‘What is this scam? Why is it $500? Why is Amber at our house giving it to us? Like, everything about this is shady.’ But then we tried it, and it helped everything: our friendship, our love, our laughter.” 

It wouldn’t be a best quotes list without a Judy gem. Here, Judy and BJ (Tim Baltz) film a commercial for The System. In her typical candid fashion, Judy gets a little too brutally honest regarding her initial thoughts about The System. Patterson’s killer delivery of this monologue is unadulterated Judy — she emphasizes all the sh*tty parts, sometimes to an excessive degree, before getting to the good stuff. 

BJ and Judy sit on a couch and smile under bright lights in The Righteous Gemstones Season 3 Episode 9, "Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted."

THE RIGHTEOUS GEMSTONES Season 3 Episode 9, “Wonders That Cannot Be Fathomed, Miracles That Cannot Be Counted.” Photo credit: Jakes Giles Netter/HBO.

What are your favorite quotes from the Season 3 finale? Sound off in the comments below!

The Righteous Gemstones Seasons 1-3 are now streaming on Max

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Melody McCune
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