Previously on The Princess Bride home movie…

Prince Humperdinck told Princess Buttercup that he’d send Westley back to the pirate ship Revenge. He didn’t. He sent him to the Pit of Despair.

RELATED: Recap The Princess Bride Home Movie Chapter 7, “The Pit of Despair” Here!

ULTIMATE SUFFERING

Grandpa (Roman Mars) continues the story. Inigo (Sarah Cooper) and Fezzik (Shaquille O’Neal) are reunited. Fezzik nurses Inigo back to sobriety. He tells him of Vizzini’s death and the existence of Count Rugen, the six fingered man. Inigo acknowledges the information by passing out in his food. Fezzik dunks Inigo’s head in a bucket of water to sober him up. 

Inigo is ready to face Rugen. Rugen is in the castle and the castle is guarded by 30 men… 10 for Fezzik, 20 for Inigo. Inigo needs Vizzini for a plan, but Vizzini is dead. Wait. Inigo needs the Man in Black. The Man in Black bested Fezzik with strength and Inigo with steel. He must have out-thought Vizzini. And a man who can do that can plan Inigo’s castle onslaught any day. Inigo heads for the door. After 20 years, his father’s soul will finally be at peace. There will be blood tonight!

FOUR FASTEST SHIPS, REMEMBER?

Humperdinck (Dennis Haysbert) sharpens his knife when Yellin (Richard Speight Jr.) reports that the thieves’ forest is clear and there are 30 men guarding the gate. The Prince tells him to double the guards at the gate. There is one key to the gate and Yellin carries it. 

Buttercup (Beanie Feldstein) comes in and Humperdinck is delighted to see her. It’s their wedding day. After the wedding, the Prince says they will sail down the Florin channel, where every ship in his armada waits to accompany them on their honeymoon. Except for the four fastest ships that he sent for Westley. Of course. Humperdinck forgot what he promised her. It doesn’t take long for Buttercup to realize that Humperdinck didn’t send her letters. 

Buttercup says it doesn’t matter, Westley will always come for her. The Prince calls her a silly girl and she calls him a coward. That really bothers Humperdinck, but Buttercup says he can’t hurt her. She and Westley are joined by the bonds of love and Humperdinck can’t touch that or break it. And when she says he’s a coward she means he’s the slimiest weakling on the face of this earth. Humperdinck gets angry, grabs Buttercup and locks her in her room. 

NOT TO FIFTY!

Humperdinck (Ernie Hudson) runs to the Pit of Despair to address Westley (Tommy Dewey). He says Westley and Buttercup truly love on another and they might have been truly happy. Not one couple in a century has that chance, no matter what the storybooks say. Which is why no man in a century will suffer as greatly as Westley will. He pulls the lever on the machine, causing Rugen to scream. The water flows and Westley starts screaming in pain. It’s so loud that the entire country hears his screams.

[Not in the video: Inigo hears the screams, and he knows it’s the Man in Black. He runs to find him before he dies. They find the Albino rolling a wheelbarrow in the woods and ask him for the location of the Man in Black. The Albino doesn’t answer, so Inigo tells Fezzik to jog his memory. Fezzik hits the Albino so hard on the head, he knocks him out.]

Inigo (Keegan-Michael Key) gets down on one knee and holds his sword in the air. He asks his father to guide his sword to find the Man in Black. The sword sways a bit and leads him to a tree. Inigo doesn’t think his prayer worked, and he leans on a knob on the tree. A secret door opens. 

WHO GETS HUMPERDINCK?

Fezzik (Craig Robinson) and Inigo go into the Pit of Despair and find the Man in Black, dead on a table. WAIT! WAIT! The Kid (Joey King) stops the story again. He doesn’t understand how Westley can be dead. Who kills Humperdinck? Grandpa (Robert Wuhl) says no one kills Humperdinck. He lives. The kid gets upset because Humperdinck wins. Grandpa thinks it’s time to stop and let the kid rest, but the Kid says he’s okay and asks Grandpa to continue. 

Inigo says the Montoyas don’t take defeat lightly. He tells Fezzik to pick up the body and follow him. Then he asks Fezzik if he has any money. He has a little. Let’s hope it’s enough to buy a miracle. 

NEXT TIME

Someone knocks on a door and an old man (Seth Rogen) answers through a small window screaming “What? What?”

The Princess Bride, a home movie edition, airs weekdays on Quibi.

 

 

Noetta Harjo
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