Previously on The Princess Bride home movie… Inigo, Fezzik, and Westley stormed the castle in the middle of Humperdinck’s wedding to Buttercup.
HELLO, MY NAME IS INIGO MONTOYA
Once inside the castle, Inigo (Javier Bardem) quickly finds Count Rugen (Bryan Cranston). He says the words he’s always wanted to say to him: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” Rugen runs, and Inigo runs after him. When Inigo catches up with the Count, Rugen throws a dagger at him, stabbing him in the stomach. Rugen recognizes Inigo. He finds it incredible that Inigo has chased him his whole life, only to fail.
Buttercup (Zoey Deutch) goes back to her room and prepares to kill herself by stabbing herself in the heart. Westley (Paul Rudd) is in the room and says it would be a shame if she did. Buttercup runs to his side, excited to see him but unaware of his circumstances.
Rugen watches Inigo stand up, covered in blood. He’s amused by his tenacity. He thinks Inigo’s overdeveloped sense of vengeance will get him in trouble. Rugen lunges at Inigo’s chest, but the Spaniard deflects the sword to hit him in the arm. Rugen tries again, and Inigo pushes the sword toward his other arm.
Inigo stands and says: “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” He says it two more times before Rugen tells him to stop. Inigo pushes Rugen back and stabs him in the arms. He says his greeting one more time before disarming Rugen. Inigo asks for money and power, and Rugen is more than willing to give it to him. The Spaniard nicks Rugen’s cheeks in the same places where he has his scars. Rugen promises all that he has and more. Inigo tells Rugen to give him anything he asks for. Rugen agrees, but lunges at Inigo with a dagger. Inigo stabs Rugen in the chest. He says he wants his father back and drives his sword deeper into Rugen.
TO THE PAIN
Buttercup asks for forgiveness for getting married, but Westley says it never happened. He asks if she said, “I do.” Buttercup says they skipped that part. If she didn’t say it, she didn’t do it. Westley asks Humperdinck (Cary Elwes) for clarification. Humperdinck says it’s a technicality he will fix later. He draws his sword and says “To the Death!” Westley wants to fight “To the Pain.” He describes everything he felt and the loss of his senses when Humperdinck killed him. He says the Prince gets to keep his hearing so he can hear everyone’s reaction to seeing him.
Humperdinck says Westley is bluffing. Westley admits he’s only lying down because he lacks the strength to stand. But then again, maybe he does have the strength. Westley stands, points his sword at Humperdinck. He tells him to drop his sword. Humperdinck hesitates, but then drops his sword and sits in the nearest chair. Westley tells Buttercup to tie up the Prince as tight as she likes.
Inigo (Natalie Morales) arrives, asking for Fezzik. He’s not with them, and Westley’s strength leaves him. Inigo tells Buttercup to help Westley because he has no strength. Humperdinck claims he knew he was bluffing. Inigo offers to dispatch Humperdinck, but Westley says no. Whatever happens to Humperdinck, Westley wants him to live alone with his cowardice.
Fezzik (Deutch) calls for Inigo. He’s outside and he has four horses for them to escape. Buttercup jumps into Fezzik’s arms. Inigo says now that he’s gotten his revenge, he doesn’t know what to do. Westley says Inigo would make a wonderful Dread Pirate Roberts.
AS YOU WISH
Grandpa (Carl Reiner) finishes the story as the foursome rides to freedom. Westley and Buttercup know they are safe as they reach for each other… and Grandpa stops because it was a kissing part. The Kid (Rob Reiner) says he doesn’t mind anymore. So Grandpa continues…
“Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.”
Grandpa tells The Kid to go to sleep and gets up to leave. The kid asks him to come back the next day and read the story again. Grandpa smiles and says, “As you wish.”
I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING!
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