Ted Lasso is back with another solid outing. “Signs” is all about literal and figurative signs as the group navigates personal setbacks off the pitch and wades through the waters of loss post-West Ham. Of course, Zava deciding to retire doesn’t help matters. This episode boasts quite a bit of character growth and subtle development, framing itself as a character-driven piece. Sure, there’s some plot momentum, but Ted Lasso has never been a series to cram a ton of action into one episode, anyway. 

While I have no idea where we’re heading endgame-wise, that’s perfectly okay. I like it when a show surprises me. We know next week’s Amsterdam-set outing will “unlock truths for many,” so chances are we’ll see the fallout from the events in “Signs.” 

In honor of the show returning for a third and final (sobs) season, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite quotes from “Signs.” Peruse at your peril. 

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HIGGINS: “Even with Zava, Richmond eat more arse than your mum.” 

BEARD: Buddy, you gotta get off Twitter. 

HIGGINS: This is a text from my father.

Oof. Now we know how Higgins’ (Jeremy Swift) father feels about Richmond, as evidenced by this exchange between Higgins and Beard (Brendan Hunt). We also learned more about Higgins’ mother and her tastes than necessary. If there’s one acronym that sums up his dad’s text, it’s “TMI.” Save that for the bedroom.

Higgins sits in a chair in an office while gesturing with his hand and smiling in Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 5, "Signs."

Jeremy Swift in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 5, “Signs,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

ROY: The best thing you can do with bullies is ignore them. Then, you sneak into their house at 4 am, which, statistically speaking, is the hour people are least prepared to defend themselves. And once you’re standing over them, as they sleep in their bed, you start to beat them. With a thick, heavy rope soaked in red paint. Pummeling them over and over until they wake, confusing the paint for their own blood. When they beg you to stop, you laugh as loud as you can, for as long as you can. And then, you start to beat them again. 

Roy (Brett Goldstein) offers Ted (Jason Sudeikis) a gruesome solution to Henry getting bullied, while Beard and Trent Crimm (James Lance) listen in abject horror. It’s also an incredibly specific description, leading one to believe he’s done this before. Additionally, Roy trains Jamie every morning at 4 am. Does he hope to implement this brutal plan in the future? As in, on our sexy bay-beh? Jamie might produce a little poop-eh in his pants if that happens. 

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ZAVA: My wife, Christina, is the only woman I see with clarity. Every other woman is a smudge. … I don’t care about moving pictures. My favorite thing to watch is my wife. 

If there’s one thing Zava (Maximilian Osinski) is devoted to, it’s his wife (extreme Borat voice). Zava’s pearls of wisdom deserve their own book, or perhaps he should share them as tweets to be framed in the Louvre. Regardless, while he sounds like every dudebro who discovered yoga and became spiritual, it’s nice to meet a man, even though he’s fictional, who only has eyes for his spouse. 

Isaac, Jamie and Dani sit in the locker room while chatting in Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 5, "Signs."

Kola Bokinni, Phil Dunster and Cristo Fernández in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 5, “Signs,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

NATE: Oh, um, hello. I’m glad that I’ve caught you. It’s, uh, Nathan Shelley. I really enjoyed meeting you the other night, and I was hoping that we could meet for a drink. Yeah, sorry, Mum. I’m just, uh, practicing for the — Yeah. How was I? 

Confession: Nate the Great (Nick Mohammed) is still great to me. We’ve seen evidence aplenty this season that the old Nate we know and love is in there. We’ll see his redemption unfold throughout Season 3, so long as Rupert doesn’t corrupt him too much. Anyway, I love this scene because you initially think he’s already on the phone with Anastasia as this newly confident Nate Shelley; however, he’s practicing what he’ll say to his mother. That’s so sweet. He’s still our perpetually anxious Wonder Kid. 

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KEELEY: We spent all evening picking up, like, 50 kilos of lamb ka-poops. It’s the most fun I’ve had in months. 

Keeley’s (Juno Temple) and Jack’s (Jodi Balfour) hookup isn’t surprising, given their innate chemistry from the get-go. Bi Keeley is here, folks. Keeley’s line is such a cutesy, flirty bit of dialogue that epitomizes how she’s been feeling post-Roy. As much as most fans (including me) want Roy and Keeley to rekindle their romance, I’m glad she’s having fun again. Perhaps it’s just a fling for her, but if it isn’t, Ted Lasso is allowing its characters to evolve beyond the scope of expectation. 

Ted Lasso sits at his desk while leaning forward and smiling in Season 3 Episode 5, "Signs."

Jason Sudeikis in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 5, “Signs,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

TED: You know what I wanna mess with? The belief that I matter, you know? Regardless of what I do or don’t achieve. Or the belief that we all deserve to be loved, whether we’ve been hurt or maybe we’ve hurt someone else. Or what about the belief of hope? Yeah? That’s what I wanna mess with. Believing that things can get better. That I can get better. That we will get better. To believe in yourself. To believe in one another. That’s fundamental to being alive. If you can do that, if each of you can truly do that, can’t nobody rip that apart. 

Nobody does a motivational speech like Ted. Nobody. If this monologue made you wonder why you’re cutting onions while watching Ted Lasso, you’re not alone. It’s unrelentingly hopeful and earnest, creating a significant shift in Ted as a character. Instead of relying on external signs, Ted calls upon that inherent belief in himself and his team. He’s putting his eggs in the basket of love, hope and a reminder that we all matter regardless of our achievements. We aren’t defined by what we do but by who we are. Become the BELIEVE sign. 

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What are your favorite quotes from “Signs”? Sound off in the comments below!

Ted Lasso drops new episodes every Wednesday on Apple TV+.

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Melody McCune
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