We only have two episodes of Ted Lasso after this week’s stellar outing. It’s hard to believe we’re almost to the finish line. “International Break” puts the “Rom-Com” in “Rom-Communism,” blessing us with warm and fuzzy rom-com moments while planting the seeds for the series finale. RoyKeeley. Tedbecca. The Greyhounds winning it all for themselves (and not to beat Rupert). Nate finding his way back to redemption and, potentially, Richmond. It’s all happening, y’all. 

In honor of the show returning for a third and final (sobs) season, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite quotes from “International Break.” Peruse at your peril. 

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TED: Let’s go ahead and wish our friends safe travels and Godspeed, or whatever narcotic your deity chooses to self-medicate with.

Ted’s (Jason Sudeikis) last words to his team before some of them disperse to play for their respective countries is peak Dad Joke. In fact, it’s so deeply and nonchalantly embedded in the Art of Dad Joking that I didn’t get it right away. If your deity is self-medicating, perhaps it’s time for a friendly intervention. 

Keeley talks on the phone while standing in her office in Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 10, "International Break."

Juno Temple in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 10, “International Break,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

TED: How many axes you got?
BEARD: Seventeen. But they’re not all for throwing.
TED: Right. But they’re all here in the UK?
BEARD: Oh, yeah. I couldn’t imagine being in a different country than my axes.

Beard (Brendan Hunt) having an extensive ax collection should be no surprise if you’ve been watching this show for three seasons. While he’s still somewhat of an enigma (from Peoria), we know he’s a lil weirdo. It’s always the quiet ones (I say this as a fellow quiet one). Now, I am curious why only some of Beard’s axes are for throwing. What does he do with the other ones? With Jane as his girlfriend, I can only imagine … no, I don’t want to imagine. 

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HIGGINS: Oh, why? Because he’s an emotionally erratic billionaire with the temperament of one of those kids in Willy Wonka that gets murdered at the chocolate factory?
REBECCA: I don’t think that’s what happens, Leslie.
HIGGINS: I hate to break it to you, Rebecca, but those children are dead.

Higgins (Jeremy Swift) gave Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) some advice in “International Break” after spilling tea on himself. I love the Higgins/tea-spilling running gag. Anyway, Higgins describes Edwin Akufo’s (Sam Richardson) behavior as akin to the kids in Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. He’s also 100 percent positive said kids were murdered in that chocolate factory. Swift’s delivery of that last line killed me. Someone needs to make a horror movie version of Willy Wonka

Simi and Sam stand in Sam's restaurant while looking confused in Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 10, "International Break."

Precious Mustapha and Toheeb Jimoh in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 10, “International Break,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

KEELEY: Everything I touch turns to sh*t.
MAE: Sh*t helps things grow, love.

Keeley (Juno Temple) loses funding for her business, so she drowns her sorrows at Mae’s (Annette Badland) pub. Mae doles out wisdom for our Keeley F*cking Jones, reminding her that excrement can help things grow. Ain’t that the truth. Side note: Mae also mentions lightning striking, which harkens back to the psychic predicting “thunder and lightning” for Rebecca’s life and Roy telling Rebecca in Season 1 that she needs to meet a partner who makes her feel like she’s been “struck by f*cking lightning.” It’s all connected, baby. 

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REBECCA: Why would you ever consider taking something away from people that means so much to them? This isn’t a game. Football isn’t just a game. It’s one of those amazing things in life that can make you feel sh*t one moment and then like it’s Christmas morning the next. It has the ability to make heroes and villains out of ordinary men. … Just because we own these teams doesn’t mean they belong to us.

Rebecca sums up the essence of football in one brilliant speech where she reminds Rupert (Anthony Head) and the other club owners why they got into this business in the first place. Afterward, they all decided to reject Edwin Akufo’s proposal. While I omitted some of her monologue where she inserts an anecdote about Rupert, the essential parts are above. “Just because we own these teams doesn’t mean they belong to us.” Oof. 

Roy and Jamie stand in the Richmond locker room while Jamie looks at Roy and smiles in Ted Lasso Season 3 Episode 10, "International Break."

Brett Goldstein and Phil Dunster in “Ted Lasso,” Season 3 Episode 10, “International Break,” now streaming on Apple TV+.

ROY: Dear Keeley,

I want you to know something. You never did anything wrong. It was all me. I was stuck. Stuck in my own sh*t. And I didn’t wanna cause you any harm with it, so I pulled away. But you are and always will be Keeley F*cking Jones. And if I ever did anything — anything at all — that made you feel like that wasn’t true, I’m so sorry. I love you.

Sincerely Yours, Roy Kent XOXO

Roy (Brett Goldstein) and Keeley get their big rom-com moment in “International Break.” As expected, it’s gloriously sugary sweet, and aw-inducing. Roy’s growth, along with Jamie’s, is a thing of beauty, and his desire to communicate his feelings to Keeley and remind her of who she is makes him the real deal. He’s a catch and a half, as is she. While I wasn’t sure I wanted Keeley to end the series in a relationship, I think their respective character development lends itself to their romance rekindling. 

RELATED: Catch up on the Greyhound goodness with our Ted Lasso recaps! 

 

What are your favorite quotes from “International Break”? Sound off in the comments below!

Ted Lasso drops new episodes every Wednesday on Apple TV+.

Geek Girl Authority Crush of the Week: REBECCA WELTON

Melody McCune
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