Star Trek: Lower Decks has blessed us with a banger of an episode this week. Not only is the episode title a cheeky nod to Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace, a short-lived British horror parody series (watch it here and here, friends), but it boasts a mini Star Trek: Deep Space Nine reunion. Max Grodénchik and Chase Masterson return to reprise their roles of Rom and Leeta, respectively, as the Ferengi take the next steps to join the Federation. It’s a historic milestone.
Of course, as a Tendiford shipper, I’d be remiss if I omitted a mention of their adorably awkward storyline in “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place.” It feels specifically curated to torment Tendiford shippers such as myself. I loved watching them deny their mutual attraction while simultaneously confirming it.
Overall, this might be one of my favorite Lower Decks outings. It fires on all comedic cylinders. As such, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite quotes from “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place” to celebrate the horniest and least romantically committed crew in Starfleet. Cerritos Strong!
LEETA: “We also offer you the ceremonial invoice for the Bust of Good Fortune. In the spirit of unity, we gave you the ‘Friends and Family Discount.'”
You gotta love it when an invoice accompanies a so-called “gift.” At least you received a discount, right? Not only that, but Rom and Leeta categorize you in the “friends and family” camp. That has to feel good. Jokes aside, I love the delivery of this quote. Masterson hilariously executes it.
BOIMLER: “Great! I’m gonna do 40. I’m gonna pack my schedule so full that I do everything and enjoy nothing.”
Oh, Boims (Jack Quaid). It’s in these moments that I wholeheartedly, painfully relate to you. As a self-diagnosed overachiever (and perfectionist), I, too, would overstuff my schedule so I do everything and enjoy nothing. However, all it takes is one engrossing TV series to derail my efforts. Case in point: any time I need to recap/review one episode of a show, but I have multiple screeners at my disposal. You can bet your bottom dollar that I’m binging those screeners.
RANSOM: “We also need someone to act as a couple, and since the Cerritos is statistically the horniest and least romantically committed crew in Starfleet, we have no married officers aboard.”
Ransom (Jerry O’Connell) officially confirms what we already knew, but it feels great to hear it stated aloud. The Cerritos is horny as hell and the least interested in romance. I demand we get even more horniness in future episodes. Let’s get more Shaxs and T’Ana-themed foreplay in the holodeck. Similarly, it is interesting how Ransom approaches Tendi (Noël Wells) and Rutherford (Eugene Cordero) to portray a married couple on Ferenginar. Interesting, indeed…
MARINER: “Wow! Aw, it’s like what Heaven would look like if God was stupid.”
There’s nothing like a sarcastic Mariner (Tawny Newsome) line. Newsome knows how to deliver one, too. This quote made me laugh out loud the first time I watched this episode. That said, I’d kill to visit Ferenginar. It looked pretty impressive to me.
BOIMLER: “This kind of hacky, lowest common denominator schlock won’t work on me … but I better watch so officers who aren’t as resilient as I am will know what to avoid.”
Boimler, you just learned about “guilty pleasure” TV. Or, to put it more blatantly, “trash TV.” Funny how it looks like Ferenginar’s version of The Office. Also, leave it to Boims to frame his binge-watching as an assignment. He’s merely watching it all to tell future officers what to avoid. That resilience will serve him well.
POC & DAR: COP LANDLORDS: “You just surrendered your deposit … and your life.”
Listen, if Poc & Dar: Cop Landlords doesn’t become a spin-off, I’ll gather all the latinum I have to make this happen. I mean, c’mon, just look at the above quote. It’s so bad, it’s good. Think about all the tomfoolery and cop-landlord shenanigans these two would get into — golden.
What are your favorite quotes from “Parth Ferengi’s Heart Place”? Sound off in the comments below!
Star Trek: Lower Decks drops new episodes every Thursday on Paramount+.