This week’s episode of Abbott Elementary might be one of its most quote-worthy yet. Janine (Quinta Brunson) and Jacob (Chris Perfetti) got to see the inside of Melissa’s (Lisa Ann Walter) home, which, honestly, feels like an incredible privilege. We learned that Melissa’s cousin is Vin Diesel and that tracks. Although I would’ve accepted a My Cousin Vinny reference with Joe Pesci‘s face in that photo. That said, Vinny D is all about family. 

Additionally, “Principal’s Office” blessed us with a Kristin Marie (Lauren Weedman)/Melissa standoff over ill-prepared gnocchi. Meanwhile, Gregory (Tyler James Williams) struggled to rein in one disruptive, Bluey-obsessed student. On another note, Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) became a hero to us Granine shippers when he called out Janine and Gregory for “fighting.” That nonverbal exchange between our fave janitor and Janine said it all.

Janine and Gregory are interrupted mid-conversation by Mr. Johnson in the school hallway in Abbott Elementary Season 2 Episode 4, "Principal's Office."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY – “Principal’s Office” – Season 2 Episode 4 – (ABC/Gilles Mingasson) QUINTA BRUNSON, TYLER JAMES WILLIAMS, WILLIAM STANFORD DAVIS

Below, I’ve compiled a list of quotes (and moments around the quotes) I loved from this week’s episode of Abbott Elementary. Class is in session!

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JANINE: I’ve been talking about my ex too much. Jacob tells me I sound like a lesbian. 

This scene between Janine and Melissa cracks me up, from Melissa remarking on Janine’s ramen and crumbled pork rinds combo as something from a prison cooking class to Melissa boasting about her ability to stretch budgets. The fact the lesbian comment came from a gay man makes it all the funnier, coupled with Brunson’s always-perfect delivery. 

Melissa holds up a photo of her and her sister Kristin Marie while looking emotional in Abbott Elementary Season 2 Episode 4, "Principal's Office."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY – “Principal’s Office” – Season 2 Episode 4 – (ABC/Gilles Mingasson) LISA ANN WALTER

MELISSA: I can stretch a budget like a big-headed baby stretches a…

Admittedly, I had to go back and rewatch this bit because it went over my head the first time. It’s easily one of my favorite Melissa quotes/moments. I think it’s better without her saying “vagina.” That little nod and smirk to the camera tell you all you need to know. It’s hysterical. 

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GREGORY: Discipline is an incredibly important part of a child’s development. When I was a kid, if I did anything childlike — yell, run around, just generally have a zest for life — I would be put on time out, and I would have to reckon with the fact that I had committed a failure of character. And that is how I became the well-adjusted man that stands before you today.

This quote from Gregory is simultaneously hilarious and sad. Williams’ execution makes it funny, notably that final line as a nice comedic button. However, it’s a stark reminder that Gregory had it rough growing up with his father. He was expected to be perpetually perfect. 

Ava sits at her desk in her office while Gregory sits across from her in Abbott Elementary Season 2 Episode 4, "Principal's Office."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY – “Principal’s Office” – Season 2 Episode 4 – (ABC/Gilles Mingasson) JANELLE JAMES, TYLER JAMES WILLIAMS

Gregory’s phone call with his dad at the end of “Principal’s Office” is heartbreaking, especially when he changes how he addresses his father to something more formal.

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AVA: Are you so bad at reading body language because yours is so small?

It’s never an Abbott Elementary episode without some killer Ava (Janelle James) one-liners. When Melissa stomps her way down the school corridor after Janine’s gnocchi fumble the night before, Janine believes the former doesn’t look that angry. Naturally, Ava serves a zinger on a platter, wondering aloud if Janine is terrible at reading body language because her body is “so small.” Honestly — same. 

AVA: Well, you know you don’t need a misbehaving student to stop by my office. You could always just come say hi. 

GREGORY: And I’d have to be high to do that.

Janelle and Ava stand side by side in the school hallway in Abbott Elementary Season 2 Episode 4, "Principal's Office."

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY – “Principal’s Office” – Season 2 Episode 4 – (ABC/Gilles Mingasson) QUINTA BRUNSON, JANELLE JAMES

I love a good comeback, and Gregory dishes one out to Ava near the end of “Principal’s Office.” Additionally, I’m a sucker for wordplay. Gregory believes he’d have to be high to say “hi” to Ava in her office. Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) recognizes a witty riposte (Sorry, I swallowed a thesaurus the other day) when she hears one. 

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What are your favorite quotes from “Principal’s Office”? Sound off in the comments below!

Abbott Elementary airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on ABC, with next-day streaming on Hulu

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