DISCLAIMER: This Preacher recap contains more spoilers than the number of times Cassidy has readjusted to life without friends. Being a vampire can be awfully lonesome. You’ve been warned. Say your prayers, and enter at your own peril.
Welcome back, sinners! Preacher gave us a glimpse into Cassidy’s new life in New Orleans this week. He finally met another legitimate vampire, and one who has superpowers at that. Eccarius can fly! He can devour an owl in one fell swoop (pun intended). I usually have to cut mine first. Eccarius can also seduce just about anything that moves. However, he doesn’t sparkle, so take that Twilight franchise! Meanwhile, Jesse and Tulip robbed Madame Boyd’s safe chock full of souls at the bank in a bid to save Marie. The only item on Gran’ma’s personal food pyramid is souls, souls and more souls. That must make grocery shopping a breeze.
Alright, ready to delve into “Les Enfants du Sang?” Just be sure to leave all the robbery plans to Tulip. She’s an expert when it comes to committing crime.
We open with Eugene (Ian Colletti) standing solo in the middle of a barren road. Welcome back, buddy! He’s staring in horror at the wasteland that used to be Annville before him. What a way to find out that everyone you know is dead. Then, Eugene wonders aloud why he was able to escape Hell, and what God could possibly have planned for him on Earth. We see a van for an orphanage promptly scoop up the lone teenage boy, and he’s deposited at said orphanage. Eugene is still trying to verbally suss out his next moves. Despite everything, our Arseface is still basking in positivity. His new roommate is a Negative Nathan, injecting Eugene with a harsh dose of reality.
Suddenly, Eugene learns that he’s been adopted. We see his new adoptive father looming in the doorway to Eugene’s room. It’s none other than the Saint of Killers (Graham McTavish), here to deliver Eugene to Satan. Well, Eugene’s freedom was brief. Now, it’s back to the s***storm. SoK and Eugene leave the orphanage without signing the proper paperwork. Our cowboy from Hell doesn’t adhere to rules of any kind, folks. Eugene, of course, is pestering the stoic cowboy with questions. SoK simply mumbles that he’s doing his job. We see the duo commence their journey down a winding dirt road. SoK reveals that, before they return to Hell, he must make a pit stop first.
Later, we find Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun) is still hanging out with his new pals – Les Enfants du Sang. Eccarius (Adam Croasdell), its fearless leader, gives Cass the ins and outs of their esteemed group. Cassidy isn’t buying it, however. He wholeheartedly believes the entire group is a sham, including Eccarius. Besides, who would want to be a vampire? It sucks (pun intended). Cassidy learns that the Children of Blood host their gatherings in the basement of a member’s grandmother. That serves as the tipping point for our favorite vampire. However, Eccarius performs an act that makes Cassidy think twice about the leader’s creature of the night status – he swallows an owl whole, bones and all. Yummy yummy!
Meanwhile, Jesse (Dominic Cooper) barges in on TC (Colin Cunningham) and Jody (Jeremy Childs) preparing for a soul extraction. We see Marie (Betty Buckley) is unconscious, and hanging on to life by a string. Tulip (Ruth Negga) is laying opposite her. Jesse learns that the boys plan to extract Tulip’s soul in an effort to save Gran’ma. That simply won’t do. Jesse quickly conjures a scheme to make everyone happy. He proposes they rob Madame Boyd’s (Sabina) bank that contains a plethora of souls. But first, they must kill Marie and Tulip again, and properly bury them. TC is bewildered by Jesse’s plan, but Jody is picking up what our preacher is putting down.
Next, we see Jesse voicing a eulogy in front of Tulip and Marie’s respective graves. Jody and TC are also present, with the latter weeping uncontrollably. Sabina’s men are standing off to the side, observing the funeral. They report to Sabina (Prema Cruz) that Tulip and Marie are dead. Problem solved, right?
Wrong! Jesse and the boys waltz back inside the house to a living and breathing Tulip. It was all a rouse! They knew the Boyd gang would be keeping tabs on them. Tulip is taken aback that TC was the only person crying, but Jesse retorts that this is the third time she’s “died.” Death tends to lose its sting by the third time. Tulip dons a blonde wig and prepares to get into character for the bank robbery.
Then, we see Tulip wander into Sabina’s bank. She’s given a tour of Madame Boyd’s opulent safe, courtesy of a bank employee. Tulip is shocked to discover that, instead of a mere hand print being utilized for authorization, saliva is used to open the safe. So, they need Sabina’s DNA.
Meanwhile, Herr Starr (Pip Torrens) and F.J. Hoover (Malcolm Barrett) are inside an elevator, bound for the Grail offices. Starr emphasizes the importance of locking Jesse in as the replacement Messiah, thoroughly ousting Humperdoo once and for all. He also voices his concerns regarding the Allfather discovering their little coup d’etat. The Allfather may appear to be an extremely obese man, but he wields a lot more power than Hoover realizes.
Later, Cassidy learns that Eccarius is planning on turning one of his pet humans into a vampire. Cassidy voices his concerns regarding the upcoming “ceremony,” citing that being a vampire is pure and unadulterated s***. Eccarius retorts that he only turns good people, those willing to protect the sacred values vampires hold dear. He also believes that Cass hasn’t been fully embracing everything that being a creature of the night has to offer. Tell me more…
Next, Starr arrives at his office to find Lara Featherstone (Julie Ann Emery). She tries to warn him prior to entering his quarters, but to no avail. Starr discovers the Allfather (Jonny Coyne) is sitting in his chair. Uh oh. This won’t end well…
Meanwhile, Jesse is drinking in solitude at a bar. Sabina meanders inside and takes a seat next to him. Jesse puts on his acting face and laments about losing Tulip. Sabina claims she had nothing to do with his girlfriend’s tragic death. Jesse is aware of this fact, and criticizes himself for his own ignorance. Then, he asks Sabina if it’s wrong that he longs to kiss her so soon after Tulip’s death. And the Academy Award goes to Jesse Custer!
Later, Jesse plops himself back in Tulip’s car and feverishly begins scraping his tongue. He successfully extracted a sample of Sabina’s DNA – by way of snogging. Tulip is initially irritated, but she understands what’s at stake here. Time to rob a bank! Jesse and Tulip make their way back toward the bank. Meanwhile, TC conjures a plan to distract the policemen in town. He waltzes sans pants into a petting zoo. We see he’s donning an ankle bracelet. The police are notified of two things – the bank robbery and TC’s half nude petting zoo debacle. However, the cops choose to pursue TC, who is apparently on the Police S*** List. We see TC fleeing from the law half naked and with a goat in tow. Jesse and Tulip exit the bank with a briefcase of souls for Marie.
Now, Jody has other business to attend to. He arrives at the headquarters for the Boyd gang and promptly disposes of them all. It’s a proper bloodbath. Well, there goes Sabina’s protection.
Meanwhile, Starr is utterly displeased to find the Allfather’s rotund body poised in his chair, but he feigns pleasure all the same. Torrens is a comedic genius in this role. I always chuckle whenever Starr is forced to confer with someone he despises, because he goes overboard in his efforts to hide his true feelings. Allfather is hoping to get down to brass tacks with Starr, but first – dinner. His men wheel in a giant horse on a spit. Yes, a horse. Dinner is served!
Later, we see Cassidy is flying courtesy of Eccarius. I can’t help but think that Cass is Lois in this scenario and Eccarius is his Superman. Cassidy is having the time of his life soaring above New Orleans. However, once they land Cass decides to introduce Eccarius to his lifestyle. They wander into a bar, and now the real party begins. Cassidy attempts to seduce a beautiful woman, but to no avail. Eccarius, however, easily seduces her into a snogging session. He even snogs her father! Vampire glamours are no joke. Then, the vampire transforms into a tiny black kitten. Cassidy is utterly taken aback by the show.
Next, Cassidy reluctantly decides to follow Eccarius back to the Les Enfants du Sang meeting grounds for the turning ceremony. As it turns out, Cass enjoys spending time with someone like himself. We see Eccarius dramatically release his fangs and feast on the young man who was chosen to become a vampire. Once Eccarius finishes, said young man is a good and proper creature of the night. The group erupts in applause. The young man disposes of his fake fangs. We see Lisa (Lucy Faust) standing beside Cassidy, and she’s still longing to become a vamp herself. However, Cass isn’t impressed. He resumes his anti-turning stance, revealing that when he turned his son Denis things did not end well. Eccarius asserts that he only transforms good humans, those willing to uphold the vampire traditions. Cass storms out, claiming that Les Enfants du Sang is not his “cup of tea.”
Meanwhile, TC feeds Marie the souls they stole from Sabina’s bank. We see Gran’ma is slowly, but surely, regaining her strength. Cassidy is smoking alone on a stoop when Tulip calls him. She excitedly regales him with the events leading up to the phone call – robbing the bank, her dying again, Jesse being trapped in an underwater coffin. Cassidy listens in stone cold silence. Tulip orders Cassidy to continue biding his time in New Orleans until she and Jesse retrieve him. Then, the trio can set out on the road again, free of Marie and her curses.
However, Cassidy pushes Tulip away, claiming that he doesn’t “wait” for anyone. He’s been alone for 119 years, and he’s met his fair share of Jesses and Tulips. He’ll learn to adjust without them, as he’s always done. Tulip is utterly heartbroken by his words. Cassidy hangs up on her. No! You guys are friends! When Tulip realizes he hung up on her, she’s promptly knocked unconscious by a mysterious substance on a cloth.
Now, Marie thanks Jesse for saving her, but she’s not done with him yet. She demands he repay all his debts to her – in full. He wonders aloud where Tulip is, and we see her strapped to a chair once again. An apparatus whirs next to her, and a needle punctures her skin, presumably meant to extract her soul. However, we see that Sabina is the one who endured the soul extraction. Jesse barges in and shoots Sabina in the head, just as Marie was about to condemn the Madame to the tombs. Tulip is awake at this point, watching the scenario unfold in silent horror. Jesse cites that death is preferable than enduring a soulless existence. He did Sabina a kindness. Jesse vows to repay his debt to Marie.
Meanwhile, the Allfather and Starr are still dining on that massive horse. We see Allfather shove a stick down his throat to induce vomiting. The superior officer pukes into a bucket, and continues to feast. Starr watches in disgust. Then, the Allfather leans toward Starr and proposes they embark on the next topic of discussion – Jesse Custer. Starr’s eyes alight with terror.
Later, Cassidy returns to the headquarters of Les Enfants du Sang. The grandmother who owns the house gladly ushers him inside. She gleefully calls to the Children of Blood below that the prodigal son has returned. Let the vampire shenanigans begin.
Preacher Season 3 is on a roll, folks. New life has been injected into the story with the introduction of new characters, new story lines and new threats. We’re reaching the halfway point with no sign of the series slowing down. Every episode is chock full of that dark whimsy I love so dearly, and this episode is no exception. I love that Cass is getting his time in the sun (figuratively speaking), as he’s one of my favorite characters. We finally reunited with Eugene, and methinks SoK is on his way to capture Hitler. Considering the next episode is titled “Hitler,” I don’t think I’m that far off.
Do you think Cassidy will embrace his vampire abilities and perhaps learn to fly himself? Is the Allfather aware of Starr’s plan to usurp his authority and reinstate Jesse as the Messiah? Where do you think Hitler will be in the next episode? Join me next week as I recap Preacher, here on Geek Girl Authority.
Preacher airs Sundays at 10pm on your AMC affiliate.
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