THE ORIGINALS RECAP AND REVIEW: SEASON 2, EPISODE 5 ‘RED DOOR’

~ legion of leia

Dorina Arellano just recapped another episode of The Originals. Follow her on Twitter @evildorina!

We start off with the episode at its peak, as a bloody (and shirtless!) Elijah chases a terrified Hayley down a dimly lit hallway. Disappointingly, she turns into Nina Dobrev, but that doesn’t stop Elijah who bites her anyway, only to wake up in the same way-too-kinky-looking situation we saw in the previous episode with momma Esther attempting to remind him what a monster he really is and “save” him. She does this by showing us flashbacks of the original Petrova doppelganger, Tatia, who appears to be slightly less annoying than Elena but still loves messing around with more than one brother ’cause that’s how them doppelgangers roll.

In present time, while Klaus’ camp is dealing with the rude hangover caused by Papa Mikael’s recent craziness, Klaus figures out Kol is now prettier and buffer. But, lucky for Kol, Klaus also realizes Mikael is on the loose again and, apparently, has taken Cami hostage in order to dismember her in front of Klaus, then kill him because it’s good to have goals.

Meanwhile, Marcel and Haley finally start searching for Werewolf Thor and Vampire Spock, as we flashback to another scene of Klaus realizing he ate a crap ton of people after his first wolf transformation. As Elijah homoerotically tries to console him (a moment that probably made some viewers uncomfortable, but I highly enjoyed), Tatia finds them. Shocked (at the carnage presumably, not the homoeroticism), she runs away, but Elijah catches up to her. They talk, but she has a cut on her hand and, despite his best efforts, he can’t help biting her because he’s a new vampire who’s weak and can’t control his craving for blood. I can sympathize because I can’t control my craving for red colored foods, like Hot Cheetos & Takis.

Back in Esther’s lair, Elijah continues to be stubborn and tells Ivan Drago, I mean, his mother that she will not break him. However, she explains to him that she has helped him forget many terrible things and that, all this time, he has shielded himself by creating a secret place in his mind for his victims, a place he hides deep within his moral persona and dry cleaned suits. DUN-DUN-DUUUUN!!!

Elsewhere, while Klaus is searching for his Step Father From Literal Hell and Cami, he encounters a large group of hillbillies wearing creepy masks who’ve been compelled by Mikael to recite hateful lines to him one by one. Pretty cool scene, but, clearly, they had to go.

Next, Cami finally wins me over by totally standing up to scary ass Mikael and treating him like one of her patients, which is really stupid, but also really brave. Unsurprisingly, this pisses him off and he feeds off her after delivering this quote: “In times of need, even the devil eats flies.” *drops mic* *eats*

In witch land, Kol is trying to stop Davina from finishing the unlinking spell, when Davina finally realizes who he is, and they start witch slapping each other. After she gives him all of the awesome attitude, he eventually convinces her that he can help her.

It’s only then that Klaus is able to find his stepdad who’s holding a weak and somewhat drained Cami. They fight, but Mikael actually wins this time and white oak stakes his son! … just as Davina and Kol stall by taking the stake’s power away, momentarily, of course (or just long enough for the show’s main character to not die because TV contracts and viewership.) Enraged, Mikael finds the witches and fraks them up, but it’s all good because Cami un-stakes Klaus just in time. Then Marcel and Hayley show up and, clearly outnumbered, our Father Of The Year candidate flees.

Then just as we think the show is about to end with Esther giving Elijah yet another one of her creepy rants, (holy crap!) an amazing moment happens where Hayley comes in, bites the crap out of her, and saves him. He’s weak, but he doesn’t want to feed on her.

“I crave you,” he says. “My hunger could overwhelm me.”

“I’m not afraid.”

She kisses him. He bites her. We explode.

But, SIKE! His mom was f***ing with him the whole time, and poor Elijah is still chained up and dreaming while Esther explains to Finn that the only way to find peace is her way.

WTF.

And the award for Best/Worst Prank On A CW Audience goes to the writers of this awesome show. Thank you to Diane Ademu-John and Declan de Barra for the best episode yet!