“On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.”

Can you believe Mean Girls came into our lives 19 years ago? The teen comedy-turned-cult classic graced our screens in the early aughts. I was but a wee teen, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to start high school. Little did I know I would still be incessantly quoting Mean Girls to this day, always laughing giddily over every joke. Mean Girls took on a similar trajectory to 2001’s Josie and the Pussycats: it became an in-depth analysis of adolescent culture that’s just as relevant today. It’s also a clever, witty film crafted by Tina Fey, the Queen of Clever and Witty. Can anyone name a more quotable movie? I’ll wait…

I will be constructive with my time as I wait for someone to name a more quotable film. I’m nothing if not a multitasker. Below, I’ve compiled a rather fetch list of 10 ways to celebrate Mean Girls Day, the holiest of days. October 3rd. You know, the day Aaron Samuels finally acknowledged you.

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“Fetch” Is So In

Don’t listen to Regina George. “Fetch” will be the word on the tip of everyone’s tongue this year. Say it loud, say it proud. Chant the word as you would when you say your ten Hail Marys at mass (I’m not Catholic, so I, unfortunately, can’t relate to this). “Fetch” is our word to honor this holy day. Think of it as a verbal homage to the film that started it all.

Wear Pink

Cady, Karen, Gretchen and Regina walk through the mall while wearing pink in Mean Girls.

We wear a certain color on Wednesdays.

This one seems pretty obvious. While October 3rd falls on a Monday this year, who says you have to reserve your pink wardrobe solely for Wednesdays? Be a rebel. Slap on some baby pink lipstick. Sport those hot pink kitten heels. Don that extra-large pink IZOD shirt. You and Cady can be twins!

Use The Burn Book to “Burn” All That Is Evil in the World

Now, hear me out on this one. In Mean Girls, The Plastics use The Burn Book to mock all the girls in their high school surreptitiously. How about taking that idea in a positive direction? We could all use a hefty dose of positivity these days. “Burn” racism, “burn” acts of pure evil, “burn” misogyny and “burn” hate. You’re already a superhero, so utilize your powers for the good of humankind. Just be sure to deck it out in all the pink trimmings.

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Vintage Is Always En Vogue

That plaid skirt your mom gave you from her younger days? Wear it with gusto. Once again, don’t listen to Regina George. Vintage styles are always on rotation — what was once hip and stylish will surely regain the spotlight at some point. The Mean Girls gods can only be paid sufficient tribute in this manner.

Make Sure to Practice for the Winter Talent Show

Gretchen, Regina, Cady and Karen wear sexy Santa outfits while smiling at the crowd during the winter talent show in Mean Girls.

That’s the Jingle Bell Rock.

Practice makes perfect, right? Time to memorize “Jingle Bell Rock.” Wear the most scantily clad Santa Clause costume you can find. High kick til your legs are on fire. When you’re a Plastic, you’re always the star of the show. Well, unless you’re Kevin G. Then, you might want to brush up on your rapping.

Don’t Make Out With Your Second (or Third) Cousin

This is just common sense. If they are related to you, you probably shouldn’t snog them. This isn’t Game of Thrones, no matter how much we (secretly) sometimes want it to be. Karen may find herself in this predicament, but that doesn’t mean you should. Side note: bride of Dracula costumes are always fetch.

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Be a Mathlete

Karen, Regina and Gretchen sit at a table in a crowded cafeteria while Cady stands with a tray in front of them in Mean Girls.

You can sit with us.

Flaunt those big brains of yours! Aaron Samuels will only find you more attractive. Being of sound mind will get you far in life. That outer husk you call a “body?” Newsflash: that will decay and deteriorate over time. Keep your wits about you, folks. Join the Mathletes. Win all the championships. Finally, remember the limit does not exist.

Let’s Give It Up for Glenn Coco

Ah, Glenn Coco. He’s always on top of it. The epitome of calm and collected, unlike that Gretchen Wieners. So what if her dad invented the toaster strudel? Is his name Glenn Coco? No, my friends, sadly, it’s not. Glenn Coco is everything I strive to be as a human being. I mean, John Stamos told him he was pretty on a plane once. Or was that Regina George? Case in point, four for Glenn Coco and none for Gretchen Wieners.

We’re All Homecoming Queens

Mr. Duvall places a crown on Cady Heron's head during the high school homecoming dance in Mean Girls.

Everyone is a Queen.

That’s right; I’m breaking off a piece of my homecoming crown and handing it to you. Well, my invisible crown at an imaginary homecoming dance. You’re all queens in your own right. The Plastics aren’t the supreme overlords they claim to be. Sure, high school has an unspoken hierarchy that’s stood the test of time.

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However, perhaps it’s time to break the cycle. We’re all human beings — flesh, bone, blood. Someday, we’ll all die. Let’s treat each other with kindness and respect. We’re only granted this one fleeting life. Let’s use it to lift each other. Let’s be the homecoming queens we’re meant to be.

Never Stop Watching Mean Girls

When October 3rd blusters in on an autumnal wind every year, you must sit down and watch Mean Girls. The Mean Girls Day gods call for an annual sacrifice to satiate their hunger, and this is it. Recalling all the fetch jokes. Laughing over one-liners with friends. Taking a trip down memory lane to when you were in high school yourself, young and ignorant of the real world. Wear pink. Then, get in your car and go shopping. It’s what Regina George would do.

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Melody McCune
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