Hello, and welcome to another edition of Millennial Misremembers. This time, we’ll be riding the nostalgia train back to 1992 with Nickelodeon GUTS. This sport-centered game show ran for three seasons and over 100 episodes. I probably watched all of them.
What I (Mis)Remember
Okay, I know for sure this isn’t a misrememberance, but Mike O’Malley was the host. And Mo was the referee. But, most importantly, there was the AGGRO CRAG, a mountain made of glowing pieces of Styrofoam.
I believe the Nickelodeon GUTS was a game show with kids competing in physical activities, perhaps to encourage children to be more physically active. Who knows.
Now, are you as excited as I am to discuss the specifics of this game show?
Let’s Rewatch!
“Do-Do-Do you have it?” That’s the short theme song. Then, the announcer tells us the show is coming to us from NIckelodon Studios in Orlando, FL. This feels familiar.
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He introduces the contestants, who are in middle and high school. Next, O’Malley takes over to explain the rules of the game. The kids will participate in different sports-like activities and then go to the AGGRO CRAG! Whoever has the most points at the end of the game will get to take home a piece of the AGGRO CRAG!
O’Malley adds that the kids are attached to safety gear and are accompanied by stunt coordinators. So definitely don’t try this stuff at home, kiddos.
The first competition is archery, 11 feet in the air. The kids need to jump back and forth from a set of stairs seven and a half feet in the air to grab their arrows (the kids are on bungee chords). They have 60 seconds to make as many bullseyes as possible. To make it even harder, the targets are velcro. Red Player wins with three arrows.
The show extends the drama by having Mo give the official results again, replaying one of the arrows shot and interviewing the winner. Next, they tabulate the points. Interesting, even the third-place player, who didn’t make any bullseyes, gets 100 points.
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Next, it’s time for our third-place contestant — the blue player — to “spill her guts.” We learn about “Nervy” Nikki Heitzner. She’s 11 years old, a swimmer and has snorkeled in Mexico.
The next event is a “moon shoes race.” The kids wear trampoline-like shoes around a 300-foot race track. They have to stay within their assigned lines. I can see them leaving their lines, but they don’t get DQd. Purple Player wins!
So, our two boys — Red and Purple Players — are now tied for first place. Our blue player, Nikki, is lagging behind in third.
Then, the next player to “spill his guts” is red player Tony “The Tiger” Ferreri. He is a 12-year-old basketballer who loves to water ski.
The next game is an obstacle course. Best time wins. Blue Nikki comes in at 46 seconds, Red Tony at 43 and Purple Robert at 28 seconds. Would this not be fairer if the kids were the same age?
Now, Robert Toro, “The Bull,” “spills his guts.” He’s 13, a horseback rider, and, oh yah, he once jumped off a two-story roof.
Next event: all players are goalies. A bunch of soccer balls are flying their way. Oh good, Nikki finally comes in second instead of third. Robert comes in first.
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These winner interviews are becoming less interesting as the kids become more and more winded by the sports. When O’Malley asks Robert how he feels about the soccer game, the kid just stands there, panting.
Oooo. It’s time for the AGGRO CRAG! But before we start, here’s a reminder of the players’ standings: Purple Robert has 1100 points; Red Tony has 800 points; and Blue Nikki has 500 points. Also, we have to recap the entire episode first.
The rules for the AGRRO CRAG:
- Each player has an identical part of the CRAG to climb
- They can’t cross into another player’s path
- On the way up, they have six targets each to activate.
- The first to activate all targets wins first place in the event.
The mountain throws glitter and rocks at them. Oh, poor Nikki; she has so much trouble getting up. Robert decimates the competition. The final results:
Now, we have the awards ceremony. Nikki gets a bronze medal, Tony receives a silver and Robert gets a gold medal and a gold piece of the AGGRO CRAG, onto which his name will be sandblasted. OK.
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Does It Live up to the Nostalgia?
I still think the idea of Nickelodeon GUTS is pretty cool. However, the show itself was highly repetitive. They simply didn’t have enough material to fill a 24-minute episode, so they fluffed it out with replays and unnecessary info. Instead, they could have actually shown the kids in their real lives or something for the “spill your guts” section. Perhaps that would have been too expensive.
I definitely wouldn’t watch Nickelodeon GUTS again, but I see why I was into it as a kid. Do you remember watching this competition as a kid? Have you watched it since? Let us know in the comments below!
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