Hey-o!!! This time, Love, Victor said, “Let’s talk about sex, baby. Let’s talk about you and me (without any specificity … )  

In case you didn’t know, Love, Victor is a Hulu show set in Becky Albertalli‘s “Simonverse.”  It follows Victor Salazar (Michael Cimino) as he navigates family woes, coming out and first love. This series is set in the same Atlanta suburb and high school, Creekwood High, as Albertalli’s book Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda and Love, Simon, the movie based on said book. However, worlds collide when Victor reaches out to Simon Spier (Nick Robinson) for gay guidance.

Last time Victor quit basketball because of homophobia, Felix (Andrew Turpel) told Lake (Bebe Wood) why he’s broke and Mia (Rachel Hilson) told her college guy she’s still in high school. 

RELATED: Love, Victor Recap: (S0203) There’s No Gay in Team

In this episode, season two, episode four, “The Sex Cabin,” everyone’s just frustrated. Sexually. 

“Victor, I want your hands on my face and my butt at the same time.”

We open on #Venji making out in the backroom of the coffee shop. When I say making out, I mean, like, dropping clothes making out — it seems like this is before the store opens, but still — health code violation, much? Boss Sarah (Beth Littleford) walks in on them, warning them about her hidden cameras. Umm. Did she just admit to filming child pornography? 

Felix and Victor walking outside

Love, Victor — “The Sex Cabin” — Episode 204. Felix (Andrew Turpel) and Victor (Michael Cimino), shown. (Photo by: Michael Desmond/Hulu)

Cut to: #Venji making out on Benji’s (George Sear) bed. Benji unzips Victor’s fly and then … Benji’s dad (Kevin Rahm) walks in. Victor has just enough time to cover himself with a quilt made by Benji’s grandma just before she died. 

Cut to: Creekwood High — #Venji in the janitorial closet. Unfortch, they are not alone. #Flake have also been looking for somewhere to get it on, and due to the darkness and Lake and Benji being butt twins, Felix accidentally gropes Benji. Completely done with having zero privacy, the quad decides to go to Benji’s family’s convenient cabin for a key party that weekend. 

The bell rings and Lake and Benji have a chem test, which leaves Victor and Felix to have an infuriating conversation about virginity. Vic says that he and Benji haven’t had sex yet, but have done everything else. Felix says samesies about himself and Lake. He even calls her prude. WTAF. All right. So what parameters are we going by here? What is sex? I’m so, so tired of a) virginity as a thing—it’s a freaking social construct and b) penetrative sex involving a penis inside a hole being the barometer for “losing” said social construct. Obviously, the definition of sex is up to every individual, but a dear friend of mine came up with one that I think is pretty good:

Sex is a selection of human organs (and/or objects) just banging, rubbing, flopping, lopping, flicking, fricking, flubbing, blubbing away at/on/by/in/out/above/below each other.

“Is that a weed scone?”

Lake comes upon Mia, who is fondly eating a scone made for her by Tyler (Daniel Croix). Doesn’t he live in a dorm? Wasn’t he just scrounging for free food two episodes ago? Lake invites Mia to join their sex cabin key party. Apparently, Andrew (Mason Gooding) and Lucy (Ava Capri) are gonna be there too? Lake’s anxious about having sex for the first time with that many people around. Mia waxes poetic about feeling all tiny and insignificant under the stars.

Over at Salazar apartment #1, Victor tells his parents he wants to go to Benji’s cabin for the key party. Mando (James Martinez) tells him to go have fun and sew his oats, but Isa (Ana Ortiz) doesn’t like the idea of a bunch of teenagers being unsupervised. I mean, what could possibly go wrong.

So, the quad gets to the cabin and everyone realizes that Benji is rich. He’s all, “No, no, no, I’m a low-paid barista, my family is rich.” Whoops, your rampantly unchecked privilege is showing. 

Next, Vic and Benji are getting settled in their bedroom when Victor sees a bottle of lube that is so gloriously sitting on top of all of Beni’s toiletries. Like a beacon of glide. The slick stuff sends Vic into panic mode, and instead of talking to Benji about it, he pops a message off to Simon. Except there’s no cell service in the cabin. 

“I don’t think we should normalize that.”

Meanwhile, Mia and Tyler are driving up to the cabin, and she realizes that he is a snooze button who only talks about himself and his art. He even calls her watercolor phase cute. BARF. So, one of Tyler’s tires goes flat because, of course, it does. He tells Mia to change it cuz he can’t do manual labor while he’s working on a photo series of his hands. 

Mia and Tyler standing outside his car

Love, Victor — “The Sex Cabin” — Episode 204. Mia (Rachel Hilson), shown. (Photo by: Michael Desmond/Hulu)

Back at Salazar apartment #1, where they apparently don’t lock the front door, Mando walks in while Isa is looking through an old photo album. She’s reminiscing about the years BGE (before the gay era). Mando’s there to pick up Heather The Turtle and Isa’s all giggly because Adrian (Mateo Fernandez) has been making jokes about marrying Heather. Lady, do you hear yourself? Alas, Heather The Turtle hath escaped her terrarium. 

Over at the cabin, Vic’s still trying to get cell service. Andrew and Lucy arrive, also impressed by the size of the cabin and all ready to do it on a bearskin rug. Felix asks Lake if that sounds good to her, but she’d rather hang out with the others all night. Lake, I’m pretty sure your friends are gonna be off doin’ it all night. 

Victor pretends he’s freaking about 5G cause his parents wanna know he made it, so he and Felix head into town to talk about sex (baby). Felix is worried that Lake’s wish to take things slow is motivated by a lack of desire for him. Oh, honey. Felix pulls the “It must be simpler with two guys” thing and Vic’s like, “Ummm … I don’t even know who’s supposed to do what.” Oh, honey. He goes on to say that lack of queer sex in movies growing up has left him without a yardstick for “normal” (hmm, kinda how like this show, right now, is trying to talk about sex without using actual words?). But also, LOL: He criticizes porn for being unrealistic and only hiring guys name Kade. Felix quips that Kade is also straight for pay. 

Vic says he really needs a gay person to talk him through this sitch (psst … What about the gay person you want to be having sex with?). Vic’s still tryna reach Simon, though, but no dice. 

Inside the general store, Andrew gives Felix a sex pep talk next to the condom rack. His advice isn’t bad? Sex for the first time is scary for everyone, there will always be awkward moments, and that doesn’t matter if you’re with the right person. Then he tells Felix he’s gotta groom … “downtown.” What could possibly go wrong? No “sex god” has given Victor advice yet, so he’s still a walking nerve. No matter, Andrew has vodka to loosen things up. What could possibly go wrong?

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Andrew and Felix having a heart-to-heart while buying condoms

Love, Victor — “The Sex Cabin” — Episode 204. Andrew (Mason Gooding) and Felix (Andrew Turpel), shown. (Photo by: Greg Gayne//Hulu)

“The little boy’s already on the brink.”

While that’s all going on, Mia’s having a super hard time changing the tire and instead of helping, Tyler’s snapping photos of turd. 

At Salazar apartment #1, Isa and Mando are still looking for Heather The Turtle. Isa praises Mando for going to PFLAG meetings and trying to support Vic instead of going all machista. She’s jealous that he’s parenting better than her, and he reassures her that she’ll get there too. Umm. Is she trying? Anyway, they have a sexually charged moment before continuing their turtle search. 

Back at the cabin, the crew is playing Never Have I Ever. Things we learn: Andrew looks down on group sex, Benji has a thing for his mailman and has had sex with at least three people. In an only slightly teasing way, Andrew points out that Benji’s experience is good news for Victor. Vic’s too busy downing his vodka to hear that. Benji wants to go talk about it, but Victor bounces to find Felix. That’s when Mia comes in. She left Tyler at the side of the road and walked the last five miles to the cabin. 

Meanwhile, Victor finally gets some cell service in Felix’s room; too bad, he falls off the bed and bumps his head. Oh, but Vic is not alone. Felix is in the bathroom, hiding out, because while grooming, he nicked “the head,” as it were. But, I guess a little blood was what it took for Felix to realize they might need to just talk to their partners. How could that possibly be more embarrassing than their current states?

“I don’t want you to feel like you always have to teach me how to be gay.”

And so, Felix tells Lake about his manscaping debacle. He also reassures Lake that he’s totes down to take things as slow as she wants; he just needs to know if she’s attracted to him. She absolutely is. Her own body issues, the ones her mother inflicted upon her at the age of FIVE, are holding her back. And it doesn’t matter how many times Felix tells her she’s beautiful; it’s really hard for her to believe it. He’s gonna keep on telling her, though. They decide not to worry about sex and to have a fun, relaxed night instead. 

Meanwhile, Andrew comes upon Mia to check on her, and he talks about how overwhelming the size of the universe is. Oh, My God. He’s her lobster!!! Of course, Lucy sees them bonding and because no one can be friends with any one of the genders they’re attracted to, she gets jelly. 

Victor and Benji flirt

Love, Victor — “The Sex Cabin” — Episode 204. Benji (George Sear) and Victor (Michael Cimino), shown. (Photo by: Greg Gayne//Hulu)

Next, Benji and Victor finally hash things out. Victor gives voice to the thing that’s truly bugging him and oh, boy #feels. He doesn’t want their first time to be yet another thing that Benji has to hold his hand through. Benji tells him that it’s all fine; he knows who he’s dating (though, for the record, he says, a lot of gay stuff comes pretty naturally to Vic). Besides, he says, their relationship is new for him because of feelings, but chickens on using the L-word (no, not that one). #Venji decides to spend the night cuddling.

#Flake are doing some skinny dipping, which like, ouch for Felix? But it’s cute watching them be all wide-eyed at each other’s nakedness. 

Who else is naked? Isa and Mando. Turtle Search turned into parental sexy time. 

“I can’t believe I lost my virginity on an actual lake.”

It’s the next morning and #Flake are chilling on the dock of the lake in post-coital bliss. Again, ouch for Felix? 

#Venji are sound asleep when Victor suddenly has cell service again. Simon has texted him to drop the truth bomb that if Victor can’t talk about it with Benji, maybe it’s not yet time to be doing the sex. Ah. But #Venji wake up and their eyes meet. Victor tells Benji he loves him, and Benji says it back, says he’d been afraid to say it the night before. Unfortunately, Benji follows his confession up with a patronizing quip about Victor taking the lead in their relationship. Vic’s not bothered, though, cuz he leans in for a kiss and leads them to undress. When Victor climbs on top of Benji, he asks if it’s OK. Yesssss to consent! Cue: under-the-covers undressing, blur, fade to black. End episode. 

There was a lot to like about this episode. It was net sex-positive. It covered being safe emotionally and physically and even the lack of sufficient sex-ed in schools. I do wonder, though, why a show that can talk about porn and use the words d***, penis, testicles and show teenagers naked in bed can’t say oral sex, anal sex, etc. I’m not usually fussed about the physical dynamics of sex in YA content since it’s usually about emotions and fading to black. But Love, Victor chose to engage further, and so it could have, should have put its money where its mouth is. Realistically, at least one of these characters would not subscribe to the virginity myth. Also, a character can not want to have sex without the show being sex negative. Am I overreacting? What do you think? 

Gayest disaster of the ep: “If you could call me back in the next 10 minutes and tell me everything I could possibly need to know about gay sex, that’d be great. Oh. This is Victor, by the way.”

RELATED: Check out all our Love, Victor recaps here

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