Hello again, horror lovers! Welcome to another edition of Horror With a Side of Cheese. I will give a quick rundown of what happens here for all the newbies. On the first and third Friday of each month, I discuss the cheesiest horror movies I can find and rate them on a scale of one to five cheese slices. Like the star system, the more cheese slices, the better the rating. To determine each film’s rating, I look at the dialogue, acting, story, effects and re-watchability. This week, I am discussing a movie so cheesy it is getting my first five cheese slice rating — Beaster Day: Here Comes Peter Cottonhell.
About Beaster Day
What happens when a giant bloodthirsty rabbit terrorizes a town and eats everyone? The answer to that question comes in the form of Beaster Day. When people are torn apart by “wild animals,” it falls to a young actress named Brenda (Marisol Custodio) and a dog catcher, Doug (Peter Sullivan), to save the day.
When Doug tries to warn the town about the rabbit, they think he is crazy. So much so that they put him in a straight jacket and confine him to the sanitarium. Now, Brenda is the only one who can save Doug, save the town and take down Peter Cottonhell.
Beaster Day is a parody of the classic Easter tale, Peter Cottontail, and the overused giant monster trope in horror. The film also stars Jon Arthur, Kristina Beaudouin, Valerie Bittner, John Paul Fedele and Darian Cain. John Bacchus wrote and directed the movie. It is one hour and 27 minutes long and was released in 2014.
This cheesy movie does not have a Tomatometer or Audience Score rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
This movie may be the champion of cheesy movies. It has everything: terrible effects, overacting, hilarious dialogue and overused monster trope, combining to form what I consider the greatest cheesy horror I have seen to date. Of course, something may topple it as I search for the world’s cheesiest horror movies, but Beaster Day sits atop the champion’s throne for now.
First, let’s talk about the acting. A few of the actors honestly seem to give it their best effort, but the film is filled with so much overacting that it is hilarious. Two characters, in particular, are guilty of overacting: Doug (Peter Sulivan) and the Mayor (John Paul Fedele). The exaggerated way of speaking and the overemphasis on body movements are so bad; it’s fantastic.
On to effects. Oh boy, what can I say about the effects? Beaster Day relies heavily on green screen, especially when body parts are supposed to be missing. There is one scene of what is supposed to be a severed head, and you can see the line of the green screen. A few severed feet and hands have to be the equivalent of what is available at any dollar store. Much of the blood is computerized but in the cheesiest way imaginable. The effects cause constant laughs.
The monster is the worst I have encountered, and I have seen a lot of terrible horror movies. It is a puppet that, in actuality, is probably six inches tall. The feet and legs bend in all directions while it is supposed to be walking, and the hands are turned the wrong way. There are a few scenes where you can glimpse the stick and strings that are controlling the puppet. When it is eating someone, I believe it is a hand puppet.
Now, let’s get into the story. There isn’t much that can be said here. A gigantic bunny is eating everyone in this town. No one knows what to do. For most of the film, everyone blames a pack of wild dogs, rabid squirrels — anything except a giant rabbit.
The dialogue, oh boy, the dialogue. It is cheesy and ridiculous. For example, there is one scene where a dog catcher has been killed. Another dog catcher goes through the deceased one’s locker and pulls out his … protective cup. Doug snatches it, puts it over his crotch, and says, “If it is squirrels, I gotta protect my nuts.” In another scene, Brenda runs and screams after she and Doug have been looking for the “rabid dogs.” He says, “Oh darling, did you see a spider?” She replies, “I saw a severed foot!”
Finally, re-watchability. I will, 1000 percent, be watching Beaster Day again. It is a laugh a minute and well worth the hour and a half investment. It is so terrible, it’s good. I cannot emphasize enough how much I enjoyed this movie. It was a breath of fresh air and precisely what I needed after a long week.
Ok, horror fans, that’s another cheesy horror movie in the books. This one is so covered in cheese that it must have been made in a giant cheese wheel like the best pasta you’ve ever eaten.
Until next time, check out the Beaster Day trailer below, and then head to the comments to tell me your favorite cheesy horror flick. Let me know your thoughts on Beaster Day!