~Claudia Dolph
I was going to write about something else entirely but the news of Robin Williams suicide has left me, all of us, reeling.
I guess it’s hard to process that someone who brought so much joy to our lives could be so sad, that sixty-three years was enough.
I know that darkness all too well. I’ve suffered from depression since I was ten years old, that’s the first time I felt a switch. I felt like a cloud obstructed my view. Life wasn’t fun, I was sad. For no reason. Well there were many reasons but at that age you don’t understand it.
Over the years it’s manifested in many different ways from panic attacks to an eating disorder, and it’s hell. And though I never attempted suicide there were many times I would lay in bed at night and think, if i don’t wake up I would be ok with that. I was always aware that I had friends and family who cared about me but I never felt like I did. I’ve always felt alone, I still do. The difference is now I have tools to deal with it. I can tell when I’m falling into the rabbit hole and I know what I have to do.
I only bring up my own struggles because I firmly believe that those of us who suffer from any form of depression should speak up. Maybe it will be easier for others to ask for help. At least I hope so. This coming from a person who HATES asking for help. When you find yourself suffocating, drowning in a black hole, reach out to someone.
Depression is the fucking worst. If it’s something you’ve never experienced please understand that suicide is not a selfish choice, it’s the only choice that you can see if you’re in that deep.
I’m grateful for Robin Williams work, his humor, his heart, and his vulnerability. I am grateful for The Fisher King, Awakenings, Popeye, The Birdcage, Hook, Jumanji, Dead Poets Society and everything else. I really feel he gave us everything, all of him.
O Captain! My Captain! our fearful trip is done;
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won;
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:
But O heart! heart! heart!O the bleeding drops of red,Where on the deck my Captain lies,Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! My Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills;
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding;
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here captain! dear father!This arm beneath your head;It is some dream that on the deck,You’ve fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!But I, with mournful tread,Walk the deck my captain lies,Fallen cold and dead.
- Ep 33 – Summer Movie Blockbusters with Guest Jenna Busch - June 7, 2017
- Southern Rocker Gregg Allman Has Passed Away at the Age of 69 - May 27, 2017
- LAST NIGHT IN LATE NIGHT: WONDER WOMAN Edition - May 27, 2017
