It’s time for one of my favorite segments in which the Gorillaz’ former bassist, Murdoc Niccals, takes advantage of his fame to get fans to bust him out of a situation that is probably all his fault. Almost right away I was connected to Murdoc, who complained about the phone he was using. I found this odd because he usually contacts me using a computer. Apparently since our last conversation Murdoc’s situation escalated dramatically while his patience only thinned. “…I know, FREE MURDOC campaign, proving El Mierda framed me, etcetera. Well, all that’s come to NOTHING. Noodle was supposed to beat a confession out of El Miedra and ensure my release, but she’s gone AWOL on me. Have you heard from her?”
Indeed, I had. About a week beforehand Noodle had sent me a quick message informing me that she was alive. “got kinda lost, but I made friends with a gang of andean cats who showed me the way. I love this place. Getting close to E. M. hideout…Gotta go!” She even sent along a photo.
I was glad Patagonia hadn’t gotten the better of Noodle while Murdoc was less than impressed. “Dunno what I was thinking asking HER for help. She couldn’t give a monkeys about me. She’s not hunting Miedra, she’s on a hiking holiday!” So after bidding goodbye Big Balls and the Soap Sisters and getting a phone off a prison guard- that owed him many favors for some reason- Murdoc set off on his escape. Shawshank Redemption style, he made his way through the prison’s sewers. He even managed to get himself a PDF of the sewage plans: “all it took was an email to the water company saying I’d lost my pet iguana down the loo.” Honestly, it was an impressive plan but of course there was an issue that needed my help.
“I hit a problem- this phone is a piece of crap…I can’t open the sewer plans file. That’s why I need you- I’m hoping your device can open this file…Tell me: CAN YOU SEE IT?
I certainly could. With the gate of freedom, aka the main sluice gate, shut I was instructed to help open it by telling him how to correctly turn the three metal wheels by the gate. Things quickly turned bad from there. The gate was successfully opened but sewage levels, that had remained at Murdoc’s ankles, were rising dramatically. I wasn’t sure how this was happening, Murdoc was panicking and I wasn’t sure what I could do on my end. “BALLS! It’s gushing in now like Willy Wonka’s river only it’s NOT CHOCOLATE…Level rising…up to my neck…Didn’t make a will, leave it all 2 madonna. Wdsfg. Phone getti$$. Wet. this isiT. im…im SOrrRy for-”
Did Murdoc make it out? I have no idea, which is unfortunate I suppose. All I can do now is wait until either Noodle or Murdoc reaches out to me. Are you concerned about Murdoc’s well being? Are you even more considered with how Noodle is doing? Go on the Gorillaz official Facebook, Skype and KIK pages Friday, September 14th to see what you can do. Or you can visit their site as well. And follow the hashtag #FREEMURDOC to get updates or assistance hacking into that pesky mainframe.