In episode four of Good Omens, “Saturday Morning Funtime,” time is ticking down to Armageddon. Unless you’d like to know more than that, please stop reading! All spoilers from here on…
Poor Aziraphale (Michael Sheen). He so wants to stop the war between Heaven and Hell, but every angel he approaches is adamant that the only way for Heaven to WIN is for there to be a war. Unfortunately, his efforts to spare the Earth have raised concerns about him in Heaven, and Gabriel (Jon Hamm) and his crew have cottoned to his long relationship with Crowley (David Tennant).
Archangel Michael (Doon Mackichan) shows Gabriel compromising surveillance photos of Aziraphale and Crowley meeting over the years, then places a discreet call to Duke of Hell Ligur (Ariyon Bakare) to tip him off that neither of their men on the ground have been doing what they were supposed to.
Michael’s tip is confirmed when Duke of Hell Hastur (Ned Dennehy) meets the American Ambassador, Thaddeus Dowling (Nick Offerman), and the presumed Antichrist, Warlock Dowling (Samson Marraccino), in the Middle East at the moment the Son of Satan is meant to initiate the war. There’s no Hell Hound present, and young Warlock’s only power is making Hastur insecure about how he smells. (Like poo.)
Crowley sees the writing on the wall and tries again to get Aziraphale to run away with him, possibly to Alpha Centauri, but the angel remains faithful that he can stop the war and save everyone.
Leaving his chum to try things his way, Crowley goes home to set a trap for Hastur and Ligur, carefully transferring the Holy Water Aziraphale gave him into a bucket and balancing it on a partially open door. When the demons arrive, they push the door open and Ligur is melted like the Wicked Witch by the dropping Holy Water.
Crowley then escapes into the phone lines by calling himself, and Hastur follows. Apparently, demons aren’t restricted by laws of physics and can reformat at will. In this case, Crowley digitizes himself into his cell phone, then jumps out of the phone line and re-forms into his usual self when the call is answered by his vintage answering machine. Hastur follows, but is trapped on the machine’s analog tape.
Aziraphale, meanwhile, is caught off guard by a visit from some enforcing angels who reveal that they know what he’s been up to with Crowley and that he has to pick a side. Sandalphon (Paul Chahidi) punches him in the gut to drive the point home, and Uriel (Gloria Obianyo) pins him against a wall. Just then, a trumpet sounds to indicate the beginning of the war, and the angels leave Aziraphale with a warning.
Incensed, Aziraphale takes refuge in his book shop and rolls back a rug to reveal a symbol on the ground. He rings it with lit candles and assumes a prayerful pose, calling out that he would like to speak with a higher authority, both to complain about the behavior of some angels and to talk about the war.
His prayer is answered by Metatron (Derek Jacobi), God’s spokesman. Metatron refuses to bring The Almighty to the call, repeats the party line that the war is an absolute and urges Aziraphale to wrap things up on Earth and return to Heaven. When the conversation ends, the space inside the ring of candles remains active as a portal for that purpose.
While the angel and the demon have been scrambling to prevent or outwit Armageddon, the wheels have already begin turning– especially in the village of Tadfield. Hapless Newton Pulsifer (Jack Whitehall) has driven there alone in his three-wheeled car to hunt witches on the orders of Shadwell (Michael McKean). In accordance with one of Agnes Nutter’s prophecies, he wrecks his car near Anathema’s (Adria Arjona) house and is brought to her in a disoriented, yet ambulatory, state by Adam Young (Sam Taylor Buck) and his friends.
Adam and crew had been by earlier to get more magazines. Adam’s imagination is running wild with the things in them… and reality is being shaped by his imagination. First, the lost city of Atlantis re-emerges from the sea under a cruise ship. Then aliens land in a field near Tadfield and give Newt a message of universal peace as he passes by. Tibetan people in tunnels are suddenly listening to everything happening in Tadfield. And when Pepper (Amma Ris) and Wensleydale (Alfie Taylor) comment on the importance of saving the whales, the Kraken emerges from the ocean and starts wiping out whaling vessels.
It isn’t until Adam and friends are delivering Newt to Anathema that he starts to recognize his power, though. While the rest of the gang eats chocolate and questions Anathema about how she was so prepared for Newt’s arrival, Adam becomes transfixed by a drawing of the rise of the Prince of Darkness that Anathema has pinned to her kitchen wall. Voices in his head speak up, urging him to make his visions become real.
Anathema takes Newt upstairs to tend to his superficial wounds and loops him in on their ancestors’ history and Agnes’ prophecies. He assures her that he isn’t really a Witch Hunter, and she counters that she really is a witch. He tells her he just needed something to keep him busy during the day.
As they chat, the children leave without Adam. They confess to each other that he was making them feel scared– that something was different about him, and as they pass their treehouse in the woods, they find that he and Dog have somehow beaten them there. Adam holds them captive with his rising power, levitating as he outlines his plan to kill everyone in the world except the four of them (and Dog) and replace all the people who keep messing up the environment with new, better people. While he talks, the weather goes crazy and his friends beg him to let them go. He orders them silent, and their mouths disappear completely to their mutual horror.
In Jasmine Cottage, Anathema and Newt are trapped by tornadoes rising in response to Adam, and they succumb to Agnes’ next prophecy: that they should turn to one another. They begin kissing, and things escalate naturally from there.
Back in London, a pin flings itself into Jasmine Cottage on the map of Tadfield that Shadwell has pinned to his wall. When he moves to examine it, the map begins to smolder. He’s convinced that he’s sent his protege into a den of witches who are doing all manner of terrible things to him. The smolder ignites to a full flame, and he decides he needs to hit up Aziraphale for the train fare to get to Tadfield.
Shadwell arrives at Aziraphale’s book shop just as Aziraphale connects with Metatron, witnessing their interaction through the mail slot in the door. He picks the lock and enters, apparently not having heard any of the conversation that identified Aziraphale as an angel and Metatron as the voice of God. Instead, he believes he’s witnessed an act of witchcraft and grabs the closest bell, book and candle he sees to cast out the witch in his midst.
Shadwell impresses himself and elicits an f-bomb from Aziraphale when he unwittingly backs the angel into the portal to Heaven during his exorcism. Shadwell skulks out of the book shop, knocking over one of the ceremonial candles and leaving the place to erupt in flames, destroying the only copy of Agnes Nutter’s book.
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