Take a look … It’s in a book. Futurama Season 12 episode 9, “The Futurama Mystery Liberry,” was written by David X. Cohen, Jeanette Lim and Patric M. Verrone and directed by Corey Barnes. Opening gag: “You streamed it, you can’t unstream it.”
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A public liberry floats in space. Inside, an unlicensed hologram of LeVar Burton (LeVar Burton) is sitting in a rocking chair beside a lit fireplace. He’s wearing what appears to be a VISOR, but he “didn’t see you beam in” because it’s actually his sleeping mask. Burton informs the audience that we’re going to learn about the wonders of books and how much fun it is to watch TV shows about them. Then, he throws The Mystery of the Missing Mass: A Lancy Trew Adventure into the fire.
Futurama Recap, “The Futurama Mystery Liberry”
The Mystery of the Missing Mass opens with a grandfather clock striking 3. Nearby, Granny (Inez Wong (Lauren Tom)) pricks her finger while completing a needlepoint. She laments that she’s lost her thimble. Lancy Trew (Leela (Katey Sagal)) appears and says she’ll solve the mystery. She dons a deerstalker cap and produces a flashlight. Granny points out it’s daytime.
Lancy’s Dad (Hermes Conrad (Phil LaMarr)) enters and tells Lancy to leave Granny alone, as she has severe dementia. But now Granny’s chair has vanished. Dad tells Lancy that he’s having difficulty with one of his cases. The bank will foreclose on Farmer Pete’s farm if he can’t produce the property deed by 5:00 PM. Dad has stashed the deed in the clock for safekeeping. However, now the clock has vanished, too. Dad is relying on Lancy to find the clock in time.
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Soon, elsewhere in Outskirt Village, Lancy sits at a picnic table with the Smardy Boys (Philip Fry (Billy West) and Bender (John DiMaggio)). Andy (Amy Wong (Tom)) approaches the table, and Lancy introduces her as her “tomboyish friend.” Andy resents the unnecessary descriptor. Soon, the four teens are tossing a baseball around. But the baseball changes direction mid-air and flies off in another direction. Andy is further insulted by Fry’s qualified compliments.
Bender asks where the ball went. Andy says someone stole it. Lancy says it’s a job for her (and her “tomboyish sidekick”). Andy hits Lancy with her own flashlight. Lancy says they should split up, and she’ll go search the abandoned cave. While the other three run away, Andy sits down at the picnic table and begins to drink a bottle of Loxie Cream Cheese Soda.
The Case of the Missing Detective: A Smardy Boys Adventure
Lancy enters the cave. Inside she finds a pile of treasure, a moai and a skull with a knife in it. But these are just clues from her past 3 cases. However, the beam of her flashlight suddenly bends. Lancy screams as something approaches her. Back at the picnic table, Andy, Fry and Bender have consumed several bottles of soda. Andy says Lancy’s been gone a long time. Fry and Bender say it’s a job for the Smardy Boys. A copy of The Case of the Missing Detective: A Smardy Boys Adventure is thrown onto the fire.
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Fry, Bender and Andy search Outskirt Village for Lancy. But Bender says they’ll need “an automocar.” Right on cue, Chud (John Zoidberg (West)) pulls up in his jalopy. Fry calls him their “portly pal.” Chud asks why he feels obligated to comment on his weight. Fry introduces Andy as Lancy’s “tomboyish friend,” exasperating her.
Soon the jalopy is driving along a seaside cliff. Bender turns on the radio. Morbo the Annihilator (Maurice LaMarche) reports a wave of robberies is plaguing the area. He says police are advising local teenagers to solve the case. Bender insults Chud’s weight several times. Chud says he can’t go on living and drives the jalopy off the clip.
After the commercial break, the intact jalopy pulls up to Lancy’s house. Chud remarks that he must have taken a wrong turn at the cliff. Inside, Bender reasons that the clock is the key to solving the case of the missing items. But soon the Ming vases that flanked the clock vanished as well. So has Fry’s gun and Andy’s baseball glove. Chud ate the mitt, but not the rest of the objects.
Tom Snift and His Atomic Smell-O-Scope
Next, Lancy’s house vanishes. And so has the rest of Outskirt Village. But they’ve located the clock, which strikes 5. Fry says the criminal must be hiding inside the clock. They approach the clock and look within. Inside is a gravitational black hole. Tom Snift (Hubert Farnsworth (West)) approaches and says he can explain. A copy of Tom Snift and his Atomic Smell-O-Scope is tossed on the flames.
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Tom explains that anything that falls into a gravitational black hole can never escape. This includes light. Inside the black hole is Lancy and her flashlight, a vase, the thimble, the baseball, the deed and the rocking chair. Andy can hear Lancy. Tom says a little sound can escape, but that’s all. But Dad says they can still save Lancy.
The Smardy Boys tie rope around their midsections and prepare to rescue Lancy. The other end of the rope is tied to the bumper of the jalopy. Tom insists that the gravitational forces will shred them. Then he himself is shredded by them. However, the Smardy Boys remain oblivious to the danger. Fry tells Chud and Andy to pull them out so they can take all the credit.
Andy and Chud get in the car and assure the Smardy Boys they can rely on their “bitter, degraded sidekicks.” The Smardy Boys hop into the black hole and begin to scream. The jalopy is pulled towards the hole. But Chud snips the rope and drives away. Dad and the entire rest of the planet are consumed by the black hole. But Andy and Chud fly away into the space in the jalopy, smiling as they escape.
Fryfry: Le Mystère de la Manivelle D’Or
Back in the liberry, Burton hopes the audience enjoyed watching that book as much as he did. He pulls a copy of Fryfry: Le Mystère de la Manivelle D’Or from the shelf and states he’s been looking forward to it because it’s short. The title is translated in an Alienese subtitle.
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In Brussels, Belgium, Fryfry (Fry) rides a bike with his dog Zoidy (Zoidberg) in the basket. He arrives at the L’Express dé la Planète building (which may be based on the Cointe Observatory, inspiration for the prime Planet Express headquarters). He’s greeted by Professor Algebra (Farnsworth) as he enters with the day’s deliveries. First up is “medicine” for Captain D’Leela (Leela). This is three bottles of liquor for her ailment (alcoholism).
Next, Fryfry pulls out a giant envelope from Argentina for Algebra. Using his pocket Smell-O-Scope, Algebra determines it is perfumed. Algebra flashes back to the war, during which he began a romance with Mom (Tress MacNeille). But being the victim (or perpetrator) of unspeakable war crimes, Mom fled to Argentina. There Mom became a famous opera singer: the Gray Warbler. Algebra began a decades-long, one-sided correspondence with her.
Back in the present, Algebra says he asked for Mom’s hand in matrimony. He rips open the envelope and declares, “Good news, tout le monde!” Algebra instructs D’Leela to prepare the aeroship. Soon, a retro plane version of the Planet Express ship is taking off. D’Leela’s flight path is drunken and erratic.
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The Golden Crank of Khartoum
In Zaire, they visit Bed Bath & Bazaar. Algebra purchases fruit and D’Leela gets more bottles of liquor. A window crank on one of the stalls breaks off and is discovered by Zoidy. The salesman claims this is the Golden Crank of Khartoum. He states it is most powerful and can crank anything. Fryfry purchases it with all of his money.
Soon, the aeroship is crossing the Atlantic Ocean, where there’s nowhere to refuel. Algebra asks about their fuel supply. D’Leela says it’s “delicious” and burps flame. The aeroship crashes into the shore of Argentina. Our heroes approach Cliffington Manor. Scruffy (David Herman) serves as the butler and answers the door. Mom comes down the stairs singing the Queen of the Night aria from The Magic Flute.
Algebra says she’s even more gray and warble-y than he remembered. But Mom asks who the hell he is. Algebra says he’s her fiance. But Mom says she addressed the letter to the wrong Professor. She’s engaged to Algebra’s rival, Professor Geology (Ogden Wernstrom (Herman)). Mom says they can stay for her concert and a light supper. Algebra vows that Geology will feel his wrath.
Both professors miss the opera. Later, Fryfry and Zoidy walk along the cliffside. There, Zoidy discovers a human femur. On the cliffside, Fryfry discovers a skull wearing Geology’s hat. Back at Cliffington Manor, D’Leela, Algebra and Mom are having tea. Mom wonders where Geology is. Fry arrives and announces he’s dead. But then Geology enters and says he’s skeptical. Fry insists he can prove it.
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The Mystery of the Missing Bones
On a scaffold hanging beside the seaside cliff, Geology declares the skeleton is a priceless find. Furthermore, he declares himself its discoverer because it’s wearing his hat. But further excavation reveals only half the skeleton is present. Algebra says he’s calling the authorities. The three semi-identical chief detectives of the Argentinian national police arrive (Hermes, Bender and Amy — think Thomson and Thompson).
Geology insists that while he stole the Warbler’s heart, he didn’t steal her bones. Nevertheless, he’s about to be arrested. Fryfry says he has an idea. He puts the Golden Crank into a globe. As he begins to crank it, the Earth is rewinded back in time. But no one has been to the location for millennia. 100 million years pass in reverse. Eventually, the shore of Africa approaches.
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Geology says he can explain. He says that hundreds of million years ago, there was only one landmass, Pangea. But as the continents drifted apart, Africa separated from South America. Geology instructs Fryfry to wind the continents closer together. Then he boards and lowers the scaffold to the skeleton again. On the African cliff is the other half of the skeleton.
Geology tells Fryfry to rewind again. But Fryfry cranks the wrong way. Geology is smashed between the two cliff faces. When they pull apart, his corpse is split in half. As the millennia pass, he decays into a skeleton wearing his hat. The police are satisfied. Unable to distinguish between the two professors, Mom agrees to marry Algebra. Fryfry cranks the globe so that Belgium is connected to Argentina. Carrying Mom, Algebra crosses into Belgium and then crosses the threshold of the L’Express dé la Planète building. In the Futurama liberry, Burton replaces the book on the shelf.
Wikipedia Brown Steps in a Clue
Burton assures the audience he saved the best for last. But then he realizes he read them out of order. Wikipedia Brown Steps in a Clue begins. Wikipedia Brown (Bender) is sitting in his garage with a magnifying glass under a sign that promises mysteries solved for 25 cents (upfront). While Wikipedia thinks someone stole his bike, his friend Lolly (Leela) arrives and violently returns it.
Hattie MacDougal (MacNeille) approaches and pays a quarter. She explains she’d just cooked a fresh batch of saltwater taffy and put it on the windowsill to cool. However, half of it was soon missing. Hattie believes the culprit was Claws Pinchy (Zoidberg) and his gang of no-goodniks (Fry, Hermes and Scruffy). This gang is now in Wikipedia’s yard. Wikipedia declares he’s solved the mystery.
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Wikipedia gathers Hattie, Lolly and Claws Pinchy and his gang in his garage. Wikipedia says he originally suspected Pinchy due to his jacket and bad grades. But then he found a clue in the taffy: a ripped-off Decapodian claw. This confirmed his prejudices. Wikipedia makes Pinchy show his claws, revealing one is missing. Fry asks if Pinchy doesn’t have an alibi. Pinchy does, but it’s super lame.
Wikipedia demands Lolly arrest Pinchy. But Lolly says all she can do is punch him. Then, Wikipedia’s father/chief of police URL (Kevin Michael Richardson) enters the garage and says he can arrest Pinchy. Lolly asks if she can still punch him. URL says if Lolly doesn’t, he will.
The Mystery of the Flaming Dog Doo
Later, Wikipedia sits at the kitchen table with URL and his mother, Petunia (MacNeille), for a meal of boiled TV dinners. URL brags about sending three perps to the electric chair that day. However, the URL didn’t solve another crime. Wikipedia says he might be able to solve it and asks for the clues.
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URL explains that there’s been a series of incidents from various citizens. Each of them has opened their front doors in response to their doorbell ringing. However, they only find a flaming bag of dog doo when they do. URL says the bags seem to be appearing from the aether. Wikipedia says he’ll solve the case by finding the clues. The doorbell rings, and Wikipedia answers it. Offscreen, the sound of stomping a flaming bag of dog doo can be heard.
Wikipedia begins canvassing for clues. Hattie doesn’t know anything because she was with Wikipedia at the time he inquires about. Fry says he was loitering with the rest of the gang and “smoking” a lollypop. Farnsworth shares the slipper he used to stomp the doo (he’s still wearing it).
Back in Wikipedia’s garage, Wikipedia declares the culprit to be Pinchy. But Pinchy was sent to the electric chair for stealing the taffy. Wikipedia takes in his clue board and wonders who the culprit could be. He can’t solve the mystery. Wikipedia laments that they’ll never know where the flaming doo-doo came from.
NDT’s Doo-nouement
But then Neil deGrasse Tyson (Neil deGrasse Tyson) arrives. He says he knows where it came from. Tyson pulls out an electron microscope. He takes a soiled bag from Wikipedia’s clue board and scans it. He asks them what the bag is made of. Tyson explains it’s made entirely from matter. He says this is the clue he needs to solve the mystery.
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Farnsworth asks how it ended up on his doorstep. Lolly wonders where it came from. Tyson states that all matter was created approximately 13.8 billion years earlier in the Big Bang. So, it came from the Big Bang. Everyone agrees the solution is obvious. But then Wikipedia asks Tyson where he was when the Big Bang took place. Tyson grows obviously nervous. Wikipedia accuses Tyson. Tyson runs away.
Back in the liberry, Burton closes the book and tosses it onto the fire. The doorbell rings, and he answers it. Tyson is outside. He says he needs to lie low for a while, somewhere that no one ever goes. Burton directs him to the derelict and web-covered science section.
Burton tells the audience that’s all for today. “And remember: in space, no one can hear you read.” The liberry closes like a book. Burton and Tyson grunt as they are crushed inside.
Futurama Season 12 streams on Mondays on Hulu.
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