Welcome to Drunk Men: The Mad Men Rewatch – if you’re new here, we’re up to episode 13 of season one, and I watch it while drinking a cocktail and getting a bit sloshed (see drunk). This episode is called “The Wheel,” which makes me think about that clever comedic song by Tripod about the internet (called The Wheel).
For this episode we’re making a Negroni because oranges are round. Like wheels!
To make this, you’ll need:
- 30ml Gin (highly recommend the Melbourne Gin Company)
- 30ml Campari
- 30l sweet red vermouth
- Segment of orange
Pour each ingredient over ice, one at a time (or if you’re feeling adventurous and want to practice your juggling skills do it ALL AT ONCE!) Make sure you put your ice in a cup first, otherwise you’ll be drinking your cocktail on the countertop. Squeeze some juice from the orange segment and stir gently. Enjoy!
On with the show!
***
Not-Annie is picking wallpaper that looks… well… I’m not really sure how to describe it. But I’m sure the Hipsters of today would LOVE it. Jerk face is talking to his father in-law about how football games predict the outcome of elections (pourquoi?) Father in-law says he wants to treat Jerk face like a son and I spit out a bit of my drink which is SUCH a waste.
Turns out not-Annie told her father that Jerk face was up for promotion and didn’t get it. Which is HILARIOUS because he wasn’t. Not even a bit. HAHAHAHA! Apparently this is all code for “get my daughter knocked up and do the right thing”. Major awkies.
Draper looks exhausted, and is arguing in bed with Betty about going to a 12 hour Thanksgiving, which is either a lot of Turkey or a lot of trouble. She says “I don’t understand why you can’t make my family your family?” and I’m like duuuuuuh, he doesn’t want family he wants to be a run-away. Like Joan Jett.
Rich Sommer is sleeping on a couch away from home because he did the bad thang at the office election party. It basically went along the lines of:
- *drunk pash*
- Rich Sommer feels guilty
- *girl pashes him again*
- Rich Sommer freaks out
- She follows him to his office to aplogise
- He takes off his glasses
- “You have eyes!”
- “I have eyes!”
- “You have eyes!”
- “Yes, eyes!”
- *sex*
He’s really gutted and ashamed and I just wanna give him a hug. What a doofus. But he’s not staying at some bachelor pad, he looks like he’s sleeping at his office.
Hamm spam visits Big Boss who expertly tells Hamm that Rachel’s dad called to say she was going on a huge cruise to Paris for reasons. Hamm pizza is all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and Big Boss is like you know damn well what you did. The sausage is ordered to stay in the Hamm pants.
Betty’s dishevelled friend has been waiting for her to come home by waiting out in the freezing cold. Her phone bill was close to $18!!!!!! She looked at the bill to see why it was so expensive and discovered a number from Manhatten that belongs to a lady (she knows coz she Sherlocked her way into a conversation to dig up some dirt). Her husband spends 2 nights a week in a hotel in the city. It’s obvious.
So Betty says “maybe he’s calling a caterer, and he’s organising a surprise party for you!”
Dishevelled friend is panicking. She doesn’t know what to do. Betty is super helpful and says “I don’t know what to do.”
YAY!
Betty is inspired to look at her own phone bill. She disappears to another room to retrieve it, and puts it in her pocket (ooooh suspense!)
New guy at the ad company offers a $100 reward to the boys if they can bring him a decision maker from a company not on their books. Basically, sales sales sales! Cut to some nice ladies doing a voice recording session for the electric sumo underpants – remember the ones that give you a “youthful glow?” (aka “orgasm”) “I love the way it makes me feel… it’s my little secret.” “I never thought it would happen to me, I regained my youth and happiness.”
Peggy schools writer guy on what they’re trying to do with the product – they’re selling confidence, not just a woman who sounds randy. My goodness she’s a total boss, she’s smarter and more gifted than any of the guys give her credit for- except for maybe Hamm toastie. She is owning it and it’s gorgeous to see.
Hamm steak comes home to see Peggy sitting at the kitchen table, back to the camera, smoking a cigarette in her blanket/nightie/nightie-blanket/bedroom sack. For non-film school kiddies, this framing of her character means she’s PISSED. JUICY!
Betty says she’s had a terrible day and he should sit with her. He looks like he’d rather sit on a cactus.
Betty tells him what happened with dishevelled friend. And RIGHT TO HIS FACE says “how could someone do that to the person they love? That they have children with?” and she’s NOT EVEN BLINKING and I’m ready for Hamm to collapse like a Trump argument. His answer is very ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. But she ain’t letting up dat shade.
Back in the recording booth Peggy is giving the talent some pretty good direction, but the talent isn’t taking it too well. She’s struggling, and it’s so painful to see her losing her confidence. Peggy rudely lets her go, and the talent leaves the room in tears. I wanna cry because dammit I know what this situation feels like when you self-sabotage. We are our own worst enemies.
Writer dude goes after the lady and pats Peggy on the head like SHE’S A DOG?!?!
Hamm chops calls up the apartment building his brother was staying in and learns of his early demise. It’s heartbreaking.
Meanwhile, Betty decides that right about now would be a GREAT time to open the phone bill and go through the charges. She sees a number she doesn’t recognise and calls it. Turns out it’s her therapist… which means she knows what Hamm waffles has been up to. Hamm sandwich is drunk in his office and walks out to find Rich Sommer in his undies carrying a waste paper basket. They talk to each other about slide projectors and photography, y’know, the usual 11pm conversations.
Betty pulls up to the church? Some place? Her car looks like a hearse. It’s depressing. I know yellow is meant to be a happy colour but on that car it just looks like “Little Miss Sunshine’s Funeral Services”. She finds the creepy kid in the carpark – the one who made a voodoo doll out of her hair – and cries into his hand. He is grateful to have her tears to use in his next voodoo practice (maybe so he can grow up to be a big boy and… echhhh… no no no no).
Jerk face swaggers into Draper’s office and tells him that he pulled in a huge account, like it’s a f**king salmon or something. Oh nevermind, it’s his father in-law’s business, but even so his man Draper should be TOTES impressed because he really deserves it. All the praise.
Betty walks into her therapists office looking mighty powerful. She blabs about Thanksgiving and how therapy has helped her so much and I’m sooooooooooo bored. Get to the good stuff lady, tell him he sucks and shouldn’t practice therapy.
But then… but THEN! She wishes that her husband would just be faithful to her, and BOOM just like that…
A gorgeous, beautiful TRAP!
If the therapist tells Hamm that she said he’s been unfaithful, then Hamm will unwittingly confess or show in some other way Betty that he knows that she knows, even though she technically doesn’t know because she hasn’t found out from his face. What a cunning lady!
“He doesn’t know what family is,” she says and yeah Betty we ALREADY KNOW.
Hamm pulls out a massive bit of marketing goodness and shows Kodak they can win everyone with their new slide projectors (now with a WHEEL!) by banking on Nostalgia. It totally works – see when I get Nostalgic I eat chocolate. Food companies LOVE me. I am too scared to calculate how much money I have spent on chocolate in the last 5 years. Do not send help. I do not need to know.
It’s a freaking home run, it’s a beautiful piece of marketing, evocative and touching. It’s so freaking beautiful that Rich Sommer is crying, so you damn well know it’s a hit. Rich Sommer leaves the room, Kodak cancel all their other meetings, and they land the client. Everybody’s drinking in celebration! (*except for the new guy, he passed)
Hamm is feeling REALLY generous and wants to reward Jerk face. He tells him there’s a perfect solution to making a killer marketing campaign for his new client. Clearasil is used by teenage girls (yep), and it’s so important to them (uh-huh) to feel good about themselves (sure!) So the best way to do that is to hire a killer writer to work on the project! (I SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING).
Hamm tells him it’s Peggy. Jerk face takes it as a joke. Writer guy tells Jerk face that Peggy killed it in the voice recording booth. Jerk face goes LA LA LA NOT LISTENING. He also whines that she’s not a real copywriter.
So Draper calls in Peggy and says “congratulations you are now a junior copywriter” and Jerk face’s jaw hits the floor and Peggy is thrilled and totally professional and shakes Draper’s hand and AW SNAP YOU JUST BEEN BURNED JERK FACE!!!! She is given Clearsil and Jerk face storms out.
Joan walks Peggy to her new copywriter desk, congratulating her and also totally putting her down. Dammit Joan just be happy for her! Peggy starts to feel unwell and goes to the doctor, who tells her that she’s expecting (KNEW IT). But what does that mean for her new job?!?!
Sh*t. She gave birth. Holy crap. I didn’t think she was that far along… heck… poor Peggy looks at her baby and at the nurse and turns her head away. She is NOT okay.
Hamm comes home and tells Betty he will go to Thanksgiving with the family. The kids are ecstatic… but, wait a minute… it’s not real. Hamm comes home again (for reals) and no one is home. He was living a fantasy, so now… he sits on the stairs and cries.
And just like that – season one is over.
HECK!
What do you say dear readers? Do you want another season? Do you want a different show? What would you like me to recap next? What cocktail should be on my list?
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