joan peanut boss

Welcome to Drunk Men: The Mad Men Rewatch – if you’re new here, we’re up to episode 11 of season one, and I watch it while drinking a cocktail and getting a bit sloshed (see drunk). This episode is called “Indian Summer” (oooooh steamy) and calls for a little somethin’ sweet.

Today’s cocktail is the Honey Bee in honour of our Queen Bee & Goddess, the character of Rachel Menken. To make this, you’ll need:

  • 75ml Baileys
  • 25ml Whiskey
  • Squirt of honey (basically, how sweet do you want it?)

Pour all ingredients into a shaker full of ice and shake it like you’re at a Beyoncé concert. Once it’s all nice and mixed pour your Honey Bee into a chilled glass, or a tumbler full of ice cubes.

On with the show!

***

parcel

This episode opens with some random who wants a parcel posted that’s gonna cost him 40 cents… WOOOOOW. FORTY CENTS FOR POSTAGE? WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE! [side note, remember I live in Australia and to post a single crappy letter you have to give up a pinky finger and a lock of your hair]

The parcel is addressed to Donald Draper and marked “personal” so you just know that means there’s some important sh*t right there. Random then puts a whole bunch of bundled money on a desk and I remember that it’s his brother! The random is his brother! I get it now!

Just as I remember, he hangs himself.

thanks-obama

This is me feeling bad that I didn’t remember it was his brother. I am an ass.

In the office Peggy is looking fuller faced and radiant, and Joan is looking for a bone to pick – so naturally she zones in on poor Peggy. Before she can shoot lasers from her eyes, Hamm croissant interrupts and Joan chooses the moment to remind him of aaaaaall the extra responsibility he now has because Peanut is in hospital with a faulty heart. He’s apparently “less sickly.” Looks like it’s Boss Draper now, or at least for the time being.

The guys file into Hamm sandwich’s office and all comment how Joan is being a right bitch lately. All I’m thinking is have you ever considered Jerk face who is sitting RIGHT there? They’ve been given one of those electric exercising thingys (the ones that you don’t actually do any sweating with but apparently burn all the fat for you). Turns out the ad men brought the product home to their wives to get some feedback/info about it. Poor Rich Sommer brought it to his wife and she told him to wear it himself (heh). Turns out the women don’t want to be told they have to slim down, and that deserves another drink.

mad men vibrating sumo underpants

Seriously, would YOU wear this? I thought it was a bizarre blood pressure measuring device.

Peggy brings in water and they all look at her with an expression that’s like look-at-the-big-fatty-fatty. One of them says “she’s obviously losing a battle,” and he’s right, she’s losing the battle of being “just” a secretary by being awesome and writing copy and being her own damn woman… but I can’t help but feel that’s not what he meant. Weird. Peggy thinks they’ve asked her into the office to give her an account, but no, it’s WAY more exciting because she gets to try this f*cked up looking exercise machine thingy. SUCH EXCITE. Many wonder. WOW.

She takes it home and upon closer inspection… it’s more like a pair of electrocuting sumo wrestler underwear. Is she gonna use it while she sleeps? With caution (I mean can you BLAME her?!!!) she puts on the pink monstrosity and lies down. There’s a quick moan, and (looking rather uncomfortable) Peggy tosses the sumo undies to the floor.

peggy mad men underpants

Electric sumo wrestling underpants. There’s nothing else they could possibly be…

Hamm sausage and his sausage (heh) is in our Goddess Rachel’s bed. She’s clearly smitten, talking about how she thinks about them being together all the time. He says “we are together” because he’s a robot, but they aren’t actually together… because he seems to have forgotten that he’s married. Again. And has kids. Again. She starts asking about where things are going. He says “I’m right where I’m supposed to be”… but THAT’S NOT A REAL ANSWER MATE, get your act together Draper.

The next day at the office pickled Hamm puts on a fresh drawer-shirt (nothing like a fresh drawer shirt to make you feel like you can achieve anything) and Peggy comes in to report that the sumo undies made her feel… “stuff”. Hamm chops gets irritated because “stuff” doesn’t mean anything (HOW DO YOU LIKE SHITTY ANSWERS NOW EH?) so then Peggy takes a deep breath and tells him it vibrates. The success of the product is unrelated to weight loss. Cue 1960s awkies.

betty air conditioning salesman

I have a huge measuring tape… bom chicka wah wah!

Peggy gets a knock on the door from a salesman and tries to tell him she’s not interested, but he’s quite sweaty and hot and asks for a glass of water so she allows the complete stranger to come inside. He drinks his water and starts telling her about air conditioning. Betty is giving off universal “he’s giving me bad vibes” lady signals and asks him to leave. It’s amazing and scary how easy those signals are to read.

Cut to Lucky Strike, the cigarette company, threatening to leave. Big boss tells Draper to clear his schedule – they’ve got some ass kissing to do. Rachel is out to lunch with a friend (maybe?) and confides that she’s been seeing that “goy”. Rachel flat out lies to her “friend” by also saying “nothing’s happened” – even though nothing is TOTAL opposite of what’s happened. Rachel and her friend crack fortune cookies, with the friend getting “you’re your own worst enemy”…. you guys, I think the fortune cookies are trying to TELL US SOMETHING. MAYBE. Which kinda feels a little f**king lazy, y’know…

rachel's friend

Read. The. Cookie. B*tch.

Betty complains to Hamm as he crawls into bed that he works too much. She looks so happy and enthusiastic to have him home… HAHAHAHA. Sorry. Couldn’t contain myself. Betty tries to tell Don about how the house is losing cool air and Don cracks the shits at her letting a salesman into the home.

Peanut boss returns to the office. He doesn’t look too bad, considering how bad he looked in hospital. Big boss and Draper call on Joan to put some makeup on Peanut and make him look less sickly. Shockingly, he doesn’t complain and I totally thought he would because makeup is silly girly stuff (see the lipstick episode). Joan starts applying makeup with her lips on his mouth (ew), getting all teary and glad that he’s alive. He then repays her by saying she’s the “finest piece of ass” he’s ever had, and that he’s so glad he got to “roam those hillsides”.

DON'T DO IT RACHEL

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

She starts crying and I don’t know if that’s because she’s pissed off/upset at him or if she’s touched by his words, but either way I need another drink because this is GROSS.

The lucky strike guy is back and having a wonderful old time with Peanut, Big Boss and the ad men. They’re smoking, drinking Coca-Cola and eating deli meats, and generally just showcasing the most ideal thing to do for a man who’s had a major heart attack.

So of course, Peanut has another one.

thanks-obama-steak

Lucky Strike man starts getting antsy and indicates he’s not okay with the idea of Peanut being sick. The other ad men start freaking out and getting unsure about their positions and how the business will be without Peanut, because he clearly can’t come back after two heart attacks.

Peggy goes on a date with a round faced man wearing a blue tie who drives trucks, that may or may not have a name.Who knows. He transports potato chips. Peggy reveals that she doesn’t like potato chips. I don’t think Peggy is quite alright. Peggy boasts about her copy writing and potato chip guy puts her down for trying too hard to be New York cool. She gets up to leave and he apologises, realising that he was a total Judgy McJudgerson. Peggy defends the fancy people of Manhattan she’s trying to be like, because they’re dreamers, and she finds that super cool.

Cut to Hamm pizza. It’s late, his wife has gone to bed, so he calls Betty’s therapist and gives him a piece of his mind (ha!) Betty still seems desperately unhappy – worse than she was before starting therapy. The therapist tells Don that he can speed things up for her, if she comes to him 3-5 times a week for treatment.

david tennant laugh

Peggy presents her copy for the sumo undies to the ad men. They like it, and when told what the undies actually do for a lady – you remember, the stuff – they find it hilarious, especially as many of the guys have wives who don’t want to return the product to the company. The fellas compliment Peggy on the way out of the office, and I feel like we’ve scored one for team Peggy!

"Vibrating Pleasure Sumo Pants. Finally, do something to make your wife happy"

“Vibrating Pleasure Sumo Pants. Finally, do something to make your wife happy”

The washing machine is vibrating (uh-huh) and seems to want to run away. Betty enters her laundry trying to stop it from making a mess, but when she touches it, she realises it is giving her a sensation (yep). She’s certainly feeling stuff. All of a sudden the salesman is back in the house, and some pleasantly relaxing music starts playing in the background. Betty is leading him into a room, where he starts kissing her, and things start getting hot and heavy. She’s enjoying her washing machine and salesman daydream a great deal, until the washing cycle stops.

Yep. A symbolic representation of her extremely satisfying life.

With some newly found pride and strength (coming from her awesome work with electric sumo undies) Peggy goes into Draper’s office and asks for a raise. Rather than put her down or tell her she’s just a secretary, Draper tells her that she “presented like a man” with her new copy, “now act like a man” in asking for a raise. I love how he’s treating her, giving her the chance to grow and become more confident in her abilities. He’s building her up, not bringing her down. It’s awesome. Big Boss walks in and asks Hamm toastie to go for a little walk to Peanut’s office. In there, he makes spam Hamm a partner.

As soon as Big Boss leaves Jerk face comes in and starts kissing Draper’s ass. It’s so loud an noisy I’m surprised anyone can hear themselves speak. On the inside I just know that Jerk face is thrilled for baked Hamm’s promotion.

timcurry

Thrilled.

Peggy is granted her raise and extra help with her secretarial work while she’s busy writing copy. She leaves work early, which means she doesn’t notice Jerk face come into Draper’s office and sit on his desk like a big giant Jerk face. The mail boy comes in and drops off Hamm’s parcel to Jerk face, who then TAKES IT.

Y U NO LIKE UR FAMILY?

Y U NO DECENT????

We end with Peggy picking up the sumo undies and deciding to pleasure herself to sleep…

Jessica Hutchinson
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