This week’s Drunk Men drink of choice – a (few) Manhattan(s).

You’ll need:

  • The Trader Joe’s 12 year old Canadian bourbon you bought last year that you still haven’t gotten around to opening
  • Sweet Vermouth
  • Angostura Bitters
  • A garnish (we’re going with cherries)

Method: Mix 60ml of bourbon, 20ml of vermouth and a couple dashes of bitters together. Think about putting your drink in one of those fancy cocktail glasses you never use and then be lazy and put it in a (clean) coffee mug that you know is at least dishwasher safe. Look at all the room you have left in your  mug. Mix some more drink.

Drunk Men: Mad Men Rewatch (S1E5) “5G”

Betty looks like a vision, the married couple have been out at an awards ceremony where pickled Hamm nabbed an accolade. They fall asleep in their clothes (mostly) with smoked Hamm holding a cigarette. That can’t be good. I immediately anticipate them waking up to a smoke detector going apes**t but then remember it’s the 60’s and they may not have existed then. Suddenly it’s morning and the two wake up late and have really charming coughing fits.



Because it’s getting tough with the Hamm food products, I’m going to alternate between Hamm and Draper if you don’t mind (my this Manhattan is making me far more polite than usual). Draper is hungover as f**k on the way into the office. Peggy has updated her outfit and looks gorgeous. One of the good ol’ boys has written a work of fiction that’s been published (yay!) so the other good ol’ boys pick on him (ugh, he must be a huge loser amirite?)

Peggy accidentally picks up the phone and discovers Don on the phone with his mistress. She’s requested a ravishing and Peggy looks mortified, presumably because she mistook the word for “raddishing”. Turns out good ol’ boy’s writing isn’t terrible, the other boys are just ridiculously jealous of him. This is great! If I see someone look at me with a similar expression over something I’ve achieved/written, I’m just going to think about the fact they’re probably jealous as f**k.

The most sexual/sexy relationship in the whole show.

The most sexual/sexy relationship in the whole show.

Draper and mistress have some sexy time and a Deep and Meaningful conversation. This is juxtaposed with Jerk face and wifey sitting awkwardly in bed discussing the clearly lacklustre piece of writing Jerk face wrote of which he’s upset that wifey doesn’t think he’s amazing.

All the Ad Executives are in a meeting and it’s Ms Holloway that’s running the show. She’s the one who is keeping everyone on track and understanding what’s going on. Yeah gurl <3

A guy rocks up and claims he’s Hamm and cheese’s brother. He’s calling him Dick. (HAHAHAHA) Peggy takes Dick Draper the message that he’s at reception.

Hamm bologna looks as though he’s seen a ghost, he’s not paying attention to the meeting at all. They later meet at a coffee shop and his brother is stunned that Dick is so distant. Turns out, Draper faked his death with his family! His poor brother looks like a lost puppy, hoping Dick missed him. Hamm croissant says he did but I don’t know if I believe him.

I'm not a Dick, I'm a carefully sculpted Hamm mousse!

I’m not a Dick, I’m a carefully sculpted Hamm mousse!

Jerk face’s wife goes to her publishing guy, who was her “first” and he misses her. Wow. He basically propositions her as much as possible without ripping off his shirt and pulling a Michael Flatley. She says she can’t because she’s a newlywed. He says they could be a secret but she says no.

The Draper family turn up for a portrait but Dick Hamm jerky is still out with his brother, so Peggy has a mini-meltdown because she can’t find him. She runs to Joan (smart) and panics, thinking he’s gone out to his mistress. Joan tells her she won’t help unless Peggy tells her about the obvious secret she’s so obviously not telling. Obvious. Peggy tells her about obvious mistress and they both say she shouldn’t have told the secret.

“Who is Donald Draper’ the brother says and finally we see that even Draper doesn’t know. He is a lie, his identity is a total mask of sex, booze and cigarettes. Wow. This got real deep.

Jerk Face cracks the s**ts at his wife for daring to get his crappy story published in a lesser magazine. Meanwhile, Betty kind-of compliments Peggy, and champagne Hamm couldn’t look less thrilled to be home. He sets fire to the photo his brother gave him and then calls to say he needs to see him tonight.

All of a sudden I’m totally scared that he’s going to meet him to kill him. WTF did this family ever do to him?! Don opens a drawer… oh god. Is there a gun? He grabs a bag… opens it… reaches into the drawer…I feel sick to my stomach, WHAT’S IN THE BAG DON? WHAT’S IN THE BAG?



He goes to the shitty apartment his brother lives in. He sets the bag down.

Oh God. He is going to kill him isn’t he?

Jesus f**k he pulls $5k out of the bag and asks his brother to leave New York. I thought he was going to pull a gun (which would have changed the mood of the entire show).

Maybe a gun would have been easier...

Maybe a gun would have been easier…

Also – Don had $5000 IN A DRAWER?!

They hug, it’s intense. Oh god. This G&T is getting a total workout. He goes home to his wife and HOW DOES SHE NOT KNOW? This. Is. Crazy.

Jessica Hutchinson
Let's hang
Latest posts by Jessica Hutchinson (see all)