betty-prunes-with-a-dog

DOGGO! IT’S THE DOGGO IN THE OPENING SCENE!!!

Welcome to Drunk Men: The Mad Men Rewatch – if you’re new here, we’re up to episode 9 of season one, and I watch it while drinking a cocktail and getting a bit sloshed (see drunk). This episode is called “Shoot” and I’m looking forward to finding out what goes down in it, other than this delicious cocktail I’m about to enjoy. Speaking of…

Today’s cocktail is a DARK AND STORMY (not to be confused with this Stormie)

Hellooooo ladies

A post shared by Jessica Hutchinson (@rarelyupdated) on

(YESSSSSSSS I finally managed to crowbar a pic of my pupper in an article for Geek Girl Authority! I am SO awesome, look at how awesomely I just did that)

For your Dark and Stormy cocktail, you will need:

  • Kraken spiced rum (or any other dark rum you have, but it’s more fun with Kraken, coz as you unscrew the cap you can yell RELEASE THE KRAKEN!)
  • Ginger beer
  • A slice o’lime

To make your Dark and Stormy, put some ice in a nice tall glass and release (heh) your delicious rum over the top of it. Today I’m feeling brave, so I’m opting for a few* shots. Top up with your ginger beer, and garnish with your delicious lime.

Incidentally, to make a Dark and STORMIE all you really need to do is give my pupper a head rub and then stop, and he’ll look at you as though you’ve just murdered his soul and he’ll never have another cuddle ever again… Yep. Sh*t got dark.

Onto the show!

*****

The opening shot has the DOGGO, the name of which I don’t remember, which is clearly a travesty because the doggo is the best part about the show, but she’s there and she’s in the middle of the damn frame so the director wants us to know that she’s SUPER important. She’s so pretty and sweet and wholesome and EVERYTHING the Drapers aren’t. This doggo is a wonderful, perfect start to the show.

Also, Betty is pruning her bush.

Heh.

A guy next door unleashes pigeons for some reason, and they fly free. Betty looks up in wonder, like she’s never seen a bird before. Either she wants to be that free too, or she’s hungry (do people even eat pigeon? Did they eat it in the early 60’s, like some of that god awful food you sometimes see in “retro” food articles?).

yucky-food

YEP. HAM(M) BANANAS AND HOLLANDAISE…

Jump to Hamm Hollandaise in a fancy building, smoking a non-fancy cigarette, and being wooed by a guy who told him that three millionaires in a steam room were totally talking about him. In YOUR endo. Betty makes an appearance at this event, which I guess is some sort of ballet/opera/theatre/performance-thingy/orgy, then rich guy awkwardly stands with Betty while Hamm sausage and rich guy’s wife go to get drinks. Rich guy tells Betty she looks like Grace Kelly, and I totally dig it because she kinda does, and then he offers her a gig for an advertisement they’re working on. She’s flattered, and clearly buzzing about the opportunity, but I can’t help but feel like Hamm pizza will ruin it for her…

Later, Betty reveals to her friend that she was a model and that an Italian designer made her a whole bunch of beautiful clothes for free. She was his “muse”. Her friend sounds as convinced as I am that it was purely “platonic”. She shows her friend the clothes and they are actually really amazing.

model-clothing-betty

Okay, I normally am not a fan of play suits but Betty looks cute AF.

Meanwhile, rich guy sends Draper a towel, which these days would be interpreted as total kink, but for 60’s Hamm sandwich means that he’s being wooed to join a different advertising firm, and stands to gain a membership to the steamy millionaire room. I wonder how companies woo these days…

Draper calls rich guy and is schooled on how BIG his company is. It’s SO big, he’s got Coca-Cola, he’s got Pan Am, his company is soooo BIG guys. Steam room BIG. Need a towel because it’s SO BIG.

Betty reveals to her therapist saying pickled Hamm wooed her with his confidence, and a fur coat (because the confidence alone wouldn’t have done it, she did it for the MINK everyone). She talks about her mother’s pre-occupation with being thin, and how her mother picked on her for eating a lot. The therapist SPEAKS and it’s WRONG and she cracks the sads and then reveals how much she misses her mum, and I realise just how messed up she is and how messed up I am and THANK GOODNESS for therapy (but not her douchebag therapist).

yunoTurns out, Draper’s agency is working for Nixon in the presidential race. Jerk face thinks that Hamm souffle is being belligerent regarding his disdain for doing the work, and Hamm terrine schools him with the wisdom that’s clearly beyond Jerk face’s years. When Draper arrives home, Betty tells him she misses modeling. There’s also ham in the fridge (HAHAHAHAHA!) She wants to go and do the modeling gig and he doesn’t get it.

Peggy rips her skirt, and Joan offers her a spare outfit she keeps at work, coz she’s a PAL.

Boss Peanut comes in to Draper’s office with a golf bag, and all I’m remembering is how he stashes alcohol in it, so it’s really not a golf bag but a swag bag. Peanut says he saw the clubs in the hallway and thought they were for him – turns out, they were for Draper. Rich guy got Draper some BIG clubs, because his agency is SO BIG. IT’S SO BIG YOU GUYS.

donandhobart

“Seriously, look at this thumb, it’s way bigger than this, it’s SO big y’know…”

Peanut tries desperately to tell Hamm steak that he shouldn’t leave, with the last ditch attempt basically being about how he’s lived in fear all his life of leaving because “why entertain the prospect of failure?” WHAT. Seriously WHAT. That’s a de-motivational poster if I ever heard of one. Peanut sulks out saying he’s taking all of this very personally, and presumably goes to find the dummy he spit out.

Jerk face is hanging out with the other guys, and they’re all talking about how much they love Draper. Except for Jerk face (obviously). They see Peggy in Joan’s outfit, and the guys talk about how she was slim when she got there, and now she’s fat, and how it’s such a shame and I’m thinking it’s such a shame that those guys have faces that haven’t been punched yet.

Betty is at the ad agency and she looks divine. Her dress is gorgeous, she’s absolutely perfect. As they walk her into the office, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy.

JUST. WOW.

JUST. WOW.

Jerk face talks about his college days, and makes a plan to reduce Kennedy’s air time while promoting Nixon and laxatives, the latter being exactly how I feel about politics.

Pretty doggo is in the yard and bird man is making his birds fly again, but doggo wants to catch one and she does, and then the bird man THREATENS to shoot the poor doggo if she’s ever in his yard again, and seriously what do you expect a doggo to do if they see a birdy flying low AND THEY WANT TO PLAY?! The kids are mortified, and I don’t blame them. They sit at the dinner table just looking at their food. That night, Little girl Draper runs into her parent’s room and cries because she had a bad dream. She tells them she doesn’t want anyone to shoot the doggo (Polly! She’s called Polly <3) and I want to cry too because how DARE that man say that. Pigeon man is NOT welcome. Betty talks about how she wants to get a photo of their daughter crying one day, and how much she enjoyed the “big fat tears” and WHAT?

WHAT?

Big boss man and Peanut come in to congratulate Jerk face and Rich Sommer for their laxative idea, even though they didn’t get permission and they just… ran with it. Heh. They laugh about it afterwards while Jerk face harasses his personal assistant, because that’s always appropriate. She clearly hates it, so he keeps going.

Yeah I know. Me too.

Yeah I know. Me too.

Rich guy sends Hamm tart Betty’s photos from the Coca-Cola gig, and she’s amazing. Perfect. The call ends, and he goes into Peanut’s office and negotiates more pay, and tells him that he’s going to stay. When he gets back to his office, Draper calls the rich guy to give him the bad news – he’s not coming to play with his balls I MEAN GOLF he’s not going to go play steamy steam room golf. There’s obvious disappointment. Rich guy says he’s sad to be losing them both… wait, both? BOTH? WHAT THE HELL. But Betty is so freaking happy, what the hell? Was all this just play?

Joan has a go at Peggy for putting on weight, and Peggy gives it straight back to her, and I don’t like seeing those two fight it’s not nice, but seriously what’s with the fat shaming…

Betty gets told that she hasn’t got the modelling gig, but that she can keep the dress. She is crushed. It’s breaking my heart, she is absolutely gutted. Meanwhile, the guys at the agency are laughing at how drunk a man would have to be to have sex with Peggy and Jerk face clearly looks very awkward about it. Jerk face is incensed and starts a brawl! WOW… Did NOT see that one coming.

Betty tells Hamm chops that the agency was talking to her about other possible jobs, and he looks panicked, but then she tells him she decided she didn’t want to model anymore and he visibly relaxes. Hamm croissant asks her if she’s sure, because he wants her to be happy and I’m thinking bulls**t you do. Betty resigns herself to being a housewife and I drink and drink because it’s not what she wants. I don’t care what you say end-of-episode montage of her being a housewife, because she’s not as happy as she was before.

betty-with-a-gun

DAT FACE! <3

But it’s okay. She’s getting her sadness out by shooting at the pigeons. Bad. Ass. Seriously, move over Clint Eastwood, this girl got GRIT.

 

 

*Okay. Like maybe 5. #rumwizard

Jessica Hutchinson
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