by Jason Shomer
I almost died on my honeymoon.
No, it had nothing to do with the flying cockroach (only the 6 fans of this blog will get that joke). It was in the mighty ocean.
My wife and I are pool junkies. If we are going out of town, we base our decision on what hotel to stay at BASED on what their pool looks like…and if there’s poolside cocktail/food service. IF the pool is adjacent to a beach…oh, man…perfection. Nothing like going back and forth between the pool and the beach. Why go anywhere else? Like, I never understood people who go on vacation and concentrate on physical activities. Biking, hiking, running, FREAKING WORKING OUT IN THE HOTEL GYM!? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? Seriously, how much MORE weight are you gonna lose during your 7 day trip?
But usually, after a few days of gluttonous sun baking, my curiosity of these crazy people get the best of me. Here I am, on my honeymoon in Maui…I should do SOMETHING else. All I had to do was look at the ocean to narrow my choices:
Parasailing? Nah…pretty sure most people end up flying into the side of hotels.
Paddle boarding? No thanks. That looks as fun as helping a friend move.
Scuba Diving or Snorkeling? Mmm… involves swimming… plenty of observing (I’m a poolside expert at that thanks to my very dark sunglasses)… ok, I’m in.
I ask my wife to join me, she declines before I can even finish the question. Fine. Alone time.
I walk over to the table that rents out water equipment. The guy explains I need to take a class and get certified for scuba, so I go with snorkeling. Goggles and mouth-breathing thing…20 bucks/hour. Ok. Goggles and mouth-breathing thing…with flippers…50. WHAT!? Uh, pass. Who needs flippers? I’ll be mostly floating, right?
15 minutes in, I’m struggling for my life against a giant black-rock wall, wishing for my feet to magically turn into flippers. The current was so strong, that it felt like I was swimming a mile to move 3 feet. The worst part was breathing. Sure, I got a snorkel tube…but guess what? Water goes down that thing most of the time. Luckily, I managed to grab hold of the rock wall and gradually made my way towards the shore, until I finally was able to touch the ground below me.
The worst part of it all was the breathing (or lack of). I was sure that if I was able to take deep breaths, I wouldn’t have felt so weak…and probably would have made it back to shore much easily.
Here I am now, reading about the invention South Korean designer Jeabyun Yeon has designed. It’s called the TRITON OXYGEN RESPIRATOR for diving. First off, the thing is light, easy to wear, and requires no tank! In fact, the Triton uses “artificial gills,” to work!
Basically, the mask plugs into a device that extracts the oxygen out of water and immediately directs it to your mouth to breathe! So, as long as there’s water, there’s an endless supply of oxygen. It actually stores the compressed air into a small tank, to ensure it’ll keep flowing, no matter what.
And if that wasn’t cool enough, it uses a micro-battery that’s not only as small as it gets, but it charges incredibly fast.
So, what does this mean for me? Imagine I had one of these bad-boys strapped on my face before I went out into the deep Pacific? I wouldn’t HAVE ALMOST DIED. But in the long run, I guess it all depends how main-stream these babies become. Like, can I throw a couple Tritons on my kids and play for an hour at the bottom of a pool? Just the thought of silent playing like that sends chills down my spine. Other than that, if it’s available to the public, I can surely see myself renting it one day.
With flippers. I’m freaking buying flippers.
Jason Shomer is a writer, actor, part-time stay at home dad, part-time waiter who enjoys uncomfortable short walks on the beach.
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