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Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I write terrible sci-fi stories and submit them to real publishers under a fake name. This week, my target is Australian pulp sci-fi periodical Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine.

~Josh Flaum

Dear Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine—

Please allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Bishop Larraby, and I have been a poet all my life. It’s the way I see things: not just with rhythm and rigid structure, but symbolically; everything in my world has meaning within meaning. My entire aesthetic is poetic (that rhyme was unintentional, but there you have it).

Anywho, I love poetry, especially when it encompasses themes of fantasy and/or sci-fi. In fact, scientifically fictional poetry is kind of my jam– and I mean that metaphorically, not as an actual fruit spread (though admittedly, exploring the idea that poetry could be smeared onto bread as a mind snack has some fascinating possibilities).

And so I submit to you the first of many poems that I will eventually be sending your way. I will say, I find it a tiny bit disappointing that you only accept one piece at a time. It would be much easier for me to send you all nineteen thousand of my poems in a single file, but you must have your reasons.

Regardless, I hope you enjoy my work. It would be my honor to be published by your excellent and praiseworthy magazine.

Always grateful, never hateful,

Your Bishop Larraby

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future-world_Fotor

‘THE DISCOVERY OF THE PEOPLE FROM 10,000 YEARS IN THE FUTURE’

by Bishop Larraby

The Science Council pulled a capsule
Right out of the sea
Its musty dust and rusty crust
All reeked of mystery

The Master Elder checked the hull
To see what he could glean
And on the side, in numbers wide
Read: YEAR 2014

After much deliberation
The Moon Queen then declared:
“Why, let’s uncrate this vessel’s freight
To see what’s inside there!”

And so it was the Future People
Bestowed the Moon Queen’s wish
With laserflame the capsule’s frame
Cracked open with a SQUISH!

To everyone’s surprise delight
The capsule wasn’t barren
With little doubt, they figured out
All of the contents therein:

A Frisbee
A toenail
Some laundry detergent
A dead ladybug
A book about military submarines
Ten lobster bibs
A plastic owl
Yellow sweatpants
An empty bottle of Canadian whiskey
A clump of brown fur
A loose thumbtack
A beach towel
Some powdered juice
Cinnamon gum
A DVD of the movie ‘Overboard’
A guitar tuner
A box of mustache dye
A photo of some whales
Coffee filters
A wooden back massager
A can of Lemon Pledge
A credit card receipt from California Pizza Kitchen
A French/English dictionary
Clown makeup
An aromatherapy candle
Some tooth whitener
A kimono
A garbage bag filled with hay
Radiohead’s third album
A post-it note that said: “Remember the egg bread”
And one million basketballs

THE END

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THEIR RESPONSE!

ASIMresponse_Fotor_Fotor

 

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Dear Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine–

Thank you for your expeditious reply. I was sorry to learn that my poem, ‘The Discovery Of The People From 10,000 Years In The Future’, was rejected for publication in your excellent magazine, but I also completely understand. I can see how ending with a long listing of disparate objects without at least some sort explanation could perhaps be jarring to some readers. Experimental poetry doesn’t have a universal appeal, I know that; not everybody wants a challenge. I certainly didn’t intend for my work to seem incomplete.

To that end, I’ve made an addition to my poem (in BOLD) that may provide some clarity, and ergo, some closure. Please send this revision along to your reader, and if it passes muster, I hope you’ll reconsider it for publication. To have my work in your distinguished periodical would, after all, be a dream come true.

Until then– and forevermore– I shall always be,

Your Bishop Larraby

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time-capsule1_Fotor

‘THE DISCOVERY OF THE PEOPLE FROM 10,000 YEARS IN THE FUTURE’

by Bishop Larraby

**REVISED**

The Science Council pulled a capsule
Right out of the sea
Its musty dust and rusty crust
All reeked of mystery

The Master Elder checked the hull
To see what he could glean
And on the side, in numbers wide
Read: YEAR 2014

After much deliberation
The Moon Queen then declared:
“Why, let’s uncrate this vessel’s freight
To see what’s inside there!”

And so it was the Future People
Bestowed the Moon Queen’s wish
With laserflame, the capsule’s frame
Cracked open with a SQUISH!

To everyone’s surprise delight
The capsule wasn’t barren
With little doubt, they figured out
All of the contents therein:

A Frisbee
A toenail
Some laundry detergent
A dead ladybug
A book about military submarines
Ten lobster bibs
A plastic owl
Yellow sweatpants
An empty bottle of Canadian whiskey
A clump of brown fur
A loose thumbtack
A beach towel
Some powdered juice
Cinnamon gum
A DVD of the movie ‘Overboard’
A guitar tuner
A box of mustache dye
A photo of some whales
Coffee filters
A wooden back massager
A can of Lemon Pledge
A credit card receipt from California Pizza Kitchen
A French/English dictionary
Clown makeup
An aromatherapy candle
Some tooth whitener
A kimono
A garbage bag filled with hay
Radiohead’s third album
A post-it note that said: “Remember the egg bread”
And one million basketballs

Capsule inspector Omega One
Examined these things with heed
After cogitating and calculating,
He finally decreed:

“I’ve solved this ancient mystery,
And shall make you all aware:
The reason this capsule is full of stuff
Is someone put it there.”

THE END

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NO RESPONSE YET! STAY TUNED FOR UPDATES!

 

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