DISCLAIMER: This recap of the Dickinson episode “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -” has spoilers. Proceed at your peril. 

Welcome back, poets! Dickinson‘s latest outing, “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -,” paints vivid, lively imagery with a stellar performance from Hailee Steinfeld. She imbues Emily with searing vulnerability and nuance. It’s one of Steinfeld’s best showings on the series. 

This episode contains my favorite imaginative sequence on the show, one that aptly conveys the antithesis of the hope Emily frequently espouses. With each person Emily encounters in the anti-Dickinson inferno, we see their relationship issues and inner fears come to light. Firstly, Austin blames Emily for his crumbling marriage because, deep down, he knows Sue loves Emily. 

Secondly, Mama D reverting to a baby symbolizes Emily living at home into adulthood. Then, Edward’s death haunts Emily, notably because of their argument. That and he’s her favorite parent. Vinnie blames Emily for her “spinsterhood,” with Emily driving home her belief that independence and ambition make better bedfellows. 

Lastly, Sue fears Emily no longer wants her, especially since Emily shares her poetry with Higginson. It feels as though the dance signifies Sue’s attempts at keeping Emily invested. 

Whoa, doggie, there’s a lot of symbolism here. 

Ready to delve into “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -“? Let’s get to it. 

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We open with Emily (Steinfeld), asking Austin (Adrian Blake Enscoe) if he’ll set aside his grievances with the family and attend Frazar Stearn’s funeral. Austin refuses, citing his refusal to listen to Edward wax poetic about Frazar. He plans to grieve for Frazar privately. 

Later, at the funeral, the ghost of Frazar (Will Pullen), a.k.a. Nobody, sits beside Emily while Edward (Toby Huss) delivers the eulogy. Sure enough, as Emily predicted, the town whispers about Austin and the family’s noticeable absence. Frazar and Emily discuss the horrors of war, both on the front lines and at home. 

After the funeral, Ithamar Conkey (Robert Picardo) showers Edward praise for his moving words. He believes Edward should reconsider abstaining from politics. Emily also congratulates her father, and the pair walk home, arm-in-arm.

Meanwhile, Sue (Ella Hunt) asks Abiah (Allegra Heart) if she and her husband are still editors of President Lincoln’s favorite newspaper. Sue hands them a piece she wishes to submit anonymously. A poem of Emily’s, perhaps? 

Then, Edward dubs Emily the executor of his will, and Emily sits to write whatever Edward dictates to her. We see Higginson (Gabriel Ebert) scribbling down his will before checking in with his soldiers.

Still of Robert Picardo, Toby Huss and Hailee Steinfeld in Dickinson Season 3 Episode 8 "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -"

Pictured (l-r): Robert Picardo, Toby Huss and Hailee Steinfeld in DICKINSON Season 3 Episode 8, “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -“

However, he notices Henry and the regiment are gone, presumably to intercept that order of rifles heading to the encampment. Higginson finds a new letter from Emily amid the mail pile.

Emily and Edward adamantly vow nothing will come between them, meaning something will drive a wedge between them.

While Higginson reads Emily’s latest poem, Edward drops a bombshell on his daughter — the house and essentially all of his belongings will go to Austin. Austin gets everything, despite Edward’s current conflict with his son and regardless of Emily’s unwavering loyalty. 

Edward explains that women can’t own property, and they must have a male guardian because of their frailty and their precarious emotional states clouding their judgment. You know, 19th-century sexism, blah, blah, blah

Emily hurls a tearful, rightfully vitriolic monologue toward Edward before walking away from him. She mentions that no one will remember him. There’s some truth to that; after all, Emily’s the most famous Dickinson and a legendary poet. Steinfeld blazes like a wildfire here. 

Emily runs into Betty (Amanda Warren) while heading outside. Emily vents about the argument with her father and asks Betty how she remains composed through it all.

Betty reveals that Henry’s alive and fighting for the regiment in Buford; however, he still won’t write to his family.  Betty decries “hope,” citing that it’s only made her cry. 

Still of Hailee Steinfeld and Toby Huss in Dickinson Season 3 Episode 8 "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -"

Pictured: Hailee Steinfeld and Toby Huss in DICKINSON Season 3 Episode 8, “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -“

Emily comes across as rather tone-deaf here, and her privilege shows, especially given the fact that slavery wasn’t abolished at that point. 

While Emily runs through the woods, we see Henry (Chinaza Uche) and his regiment traveling through the woods as well. We hear Emily recite her poem, “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -” which might be one of my favorite pieces from her. I love the mirror imagery of Emily and Henry running and how tied together their stories are this season. 

Emily finds Frazar/Nobody standing before what appears to be a grave with stairs descending into the ground. She sees a plaque that reads, “Abandon all hope.” Frazar slams what looks like a cellar door after Emily begins her descent. She wanders down the staircase, and we see she’s now donning a white dress. 

Emily views her surroundings and discovers she appears to be in a dark, macabre version of her house. “Abandon all hope, and you find where true hope lies.”

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We see Vinnie (Anna Baryshnikov) tending to wounded soldiers in one room. She chastises Emily for keeping her single, for imbuing her with a sense of independence. Emily notices a gaping hole in the stairs, so she descends further into the inferno. 

Now, Emily wanders through, presumably, the corridor of a mental hospital. Austin grabs her wrist and drags her away, explaining he must lock her up for her “craziness.” Austin acknowledges that he didn’t know Emily loves Sue “like that,” and this is the second person outside of EmiSue to recognize their relationship. 

Of course, there’s an air of disdain, so that’s not good. 

Austin blames Emily for his messy marriage, and Emily flees, seeking solace in a pretty room wherein Mrs. Dickinson (Jane Krakowski) acts like a child. Mama D wants her mommy!

Next, Emily enters her father’s study to find Edward dead as a doornail. Before Emily absorbs the impact of her dad’s death, Sue beckons her away. Sue sports a fancy suit and top hat, looking like a dapper gent. She tells Emily they can be together now. 

Still of Will Pullen and Hailee Steinfeld in Dickinson Season 3 Episode 8 "My Life had stood - a Loaded Gun -"

Pictured: Will Pullen and Hailee Steinfeld in DICKINSON Season 3 Episode 8, “My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -“

What transpires is a stunning dance featuring Emily and Sue. Loads of sensual swaying. However, Emily finds herself distracted, which Sue interprets as disinterest. The scene encompasses Sue’s fears that they’ll never be together in this heteronormative, homophobic world. Sue orders Emily not to touch her.

Emily wanders out the front door and onto the battlefield, and we see her dress changes into a soldier’s uniform. She notices a bevy of ghostly horses race by, with Death’s carriage laying in a heap of debris. 

Emily spots Henry and his regiment fighting Confederate forces on the field, and she hurries to the sidelines to observe. After a tense battle and a close call for Henry, the Buford regiment rises victorious, much to Emily’s delight. She hears a bird tweeting — it must be the same one from a few episodes ago. “‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers.”

Emily returns to the real world and gazes upon her little bird buddy. 

She descended into a hopeless inferno, but thanks to the thing with feathers, she found hope again. I love the symbolism here. 

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While this episode isn’t narrative-heavy, nor does it propel the plot forward, Dickinson isn’t a series you watch for an intricate story. The crux of this show lies with its characters and the themes of Emily Dickinson’s poetry.

Yes, Season Three’s through-line is The Civil War, and “hope” prevails despite everything, but the episodic stories feel contained, and that’s okay with me. 

“My Life had stood – a Loaded Gun -” is poignant and visceral, with stunning visuals brimming with thought-provoking metaphors. 

Here’s hoping the final two episodes give our poet and our lovebirds a happy ending. 

Dickinson‘s new episodes are available to stream every Friday on Apple TV Plus. 

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Melody McCune
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