DISCLAIMER: This Brooklyn Nine-Nine recap contains more spoilers than the current bodily ailments plaguing Scully. The man is essentially an encyclopedia of walking diseases. We love him and his giant giraffe heart. You’ve been warned. Prepare for noice content, and enter at your own peril. 

Welcome, Nine-Niners! Brooklyn Nine-Nine is once again on our TV screens, proving that 2019 is already leaps and bounds ahead of the preceding year. We do not speak of that year. “Honeymoon” finds our favorite couple Peraltiago (ship name) taking time off work to enjoy the married life. They hunker down at an opulent Mexican resort, ready for some sun-infused fun and an overabundance of coconuts. However, Jake and Amy unexpectedly find Captain Holt sulking at the very same resort. He, unfortunately, lost the Commissioner position to opponent John Kelly (different John Kelly). Holt announces his retirement from the police force, and it’s up to Jake and Amy to convince him otherwise. Meanwhile, Boyle learns from Gina that their parents are filing for divorce. Terry is left in charge during Holt’s absence, and we finally get to see Top Dog Terry in action. 

Alright, ready to delve into “Honeymoon?” Just be sure to keep the refrigerator stocked with Terry’s favorite yogurt at all times. Terry loves his yogurt. 

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We open right where we left off – with our gang at the bar celebrating Jake (Andy Samberg) and Amy’s (Melissa Fumero) nuptials. Holt (Andre Braugher) nonchalantly announces his success in nabbing the Police Commissioner position. Everyone cheers, and Jake disappears with a boom box blasting some rockin’ jams to commemorate the occasion. However, Holt learns that he misread the email – he was actually declined for Commissioner. Everyone appears crestfallen. Unfortunately, Jake returns, boom box blasting, to an awkward situation. Peralta+awkward situations=just another Tuesday. 

Next, we see Gina (Chelsea Peretti) in the briefing room, informing the squad that Holt is taking another personal day and she’ll take up the captain’s mantle. Terry (Terry Crews) shoos Gina away and assumes his position as acting captain. Personally, I’d love to see a Gina-led 99th precinct. Everyone would be the human form of the 100% emoji. Jake and Amy enter with a huge wad of cash after the latter discovers that they had excess money left over from their wedding insurance. Which can only mean one thing – lavish honeymoon! They will be heading to Posadita Bonita in Mexico for coconuts, sun and sexy fun times. Noice!

Later, Jake and Amy arrive at the resort, where every outlandish wish of theirs is granted. Drinking from a coconut? Sure! A heaping plate of grapes? No problem! Everything is going smoothly…that is, until they spot Captain Holt. Apparently, he was so distraught after losing to John Kelly for Commissioner that he hoped on a plane sans luggage and checked into Posadita Bonita. Using Gina’s code, of course. He vows to stay out of the newly married couple’s way. 

Meanwhile, Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) informs Gina that their parents are filing for divorce. She tells Boyle that she was already aware of their split. Of course, Boyle tries to pry her for information, but Gina is a closed book. Well, when she wants to be. 

Then, we see Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) approach Terry in Holt’s office with a case issue. The meth case Rosa had been tirelessly chipping away at for months was just handed over to the Sanitation Department, as the drugs in question were found in the garbage. Not to worry, though, because Top Dog Terry is on the case! Terry proposes a handful of solutions, all of which are shot down. Rosa has attempted to resolve this issue with every possible solution in play. She mentions the captain’s handbook Holt had been working on for his potential replacement in case he was dubbed Commissioner. However, Top Dog Terry feels he can solve this problem by his own merits. Ruff ruff!

Later, after Holt explains why he’s at the exact same resort as them, Jake and Amy are dining at the fanciest of restaurants. Remember when Holt said he’d steer clear of them? Jake catches the captain at the table adjacent to them, sporting one of the shirts he bought at a tourist shop. Every shirt Holt sports in this episode is golden, and I want to buy all of them. Holt is quickly spiraling out of control, facing an existential crisis of epic proportions. 

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Honeymoon” Episode 601 — Pictured: Melissa Fumero as Amy Santiago — (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

Next, a montage of Holt interrupting Jake and Amy’s exploits takes place. Holt has lost all self-motivation and self-confidence. Jake and Amy’s couple’s massages are derailed by Holt. Holt ponders aloud why he’s such a “loser.” While boasting a shirt claiming he’s “DTF (Down to Fiesta).” Braugher completely stole this episode for me with the t-shirts alone. 

Meanwhile, Boyle continues to pester Gina regarding their parents’ divorce. He starts listing all of his father’s undesirable qualities. Gina remains tight-lipped, choosing to ignore her step-brother in favor of a game on her phone. True Gina right there. 

Later, Jake and Amy decide to shift their collective focus to Holt by way of cheering him up. They include him in their activities: a spa day, a sensual food tasting experience, etc. Yes, sensual. You read that correctly. Holt comes to the conclusion that there’s more to life than the police force. Jake and Amy feel their work here is done, and Holt’s mood seems to have brightened significantly. Go team!

Then, we see Terry is attempting to access Holt’s laptop for the captain’s handbook. Perhaps it’s saved on Holt’s hard drive. However, he incorrectly guesses said password once, which prompts the laptop to immediately erase everything on the hard drive. Terry smashes the laptop in a panic. Well, that escalated quickly. 

Meanwhile, Amy and Jake celebrate their successful, very smort mission. Holt is happy, and thus will remain out of their way for the remainder of the honeymoon. Jake heads down to the bar to snag them some drinks when he runs into Holt. Holt proclaims he’s retiring from the NYPD, and plans to send in his resignation when he returns home. Uh oh. Jake volunteers to drive him to the airport – but first he must fetch his keys. But, we know it’s all a ruse. Peralta sequesters Holt away in his hotel room. Amy saunters out of their bathroom in a head-to-toe getup as John McClane’s wife, Holly Gennaro, from Die Hard. Jake has never been happier. However, sexy fun times must be put on hold if they’re going to convince Holt to stay on the force. 

Later, Terry reassembles Holt’s laptop, but discovers that the captain’s files were backed up to a cloud. Gina, you rascal! Terry attempts to answer Holt’s security question. “What is God?” he reads aloud to Rosa. Typical Holt – always the deep thinker. 

Next, Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller) attempts to distract Gina while Boyle rifles through her phone…wearing a Gina mask. Gina catches on, though, since Scully merely repeats everything Boyle says to him through an earpiece. Boyle manages to crack Gina’s pass code and reads the texts between the latter and her mother. Gina was the one who forced her mother to divorce Boyle’s father. Plot twist!

Meanwhile, Jake and Amy have tied Holt to their bed with the fun gifts Boyle sent them. Amy attempts to coerce the captain out of his decision to retire. Jake launches into a heartfelt monologue about how Holt has changed him as a detective and a person. He confesses that he needs Holt. However, Holt brushes the speech off, citing that it’s “selfish” of Jake to use that angle. Amy launches into a verbal tirade, revealing that she used to give a “hoot” about what Holt thought of her, but now she’s “hoot-less.” Fumero really shines in this scene. They storm out of the hotel room. 

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Honeymoon” Episode 601 — Pictured: (l-r) Melissa Fumero as Amy Santiago, Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta — (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

Next, Holt finds our duo nursing some sad coconuts containing Merlot. He announces that he’s not retiring. Holt is also paying for Jake and Amy to stay a few extra nights so they can get the honeymoon they truly deserve. Now, Holt plans to go directly to the NYC Mayor to inform him that Commissioner Kelly’s “vigilante” approach to police work is regressive. Holt will be the thorn in Kelly’s side – all because he doesn’t give a hoot. That’s the Holt we know and love. 

Later, Gina finally tells Boyle the truth – that her mother was cheating on Boyle’s father. Gina thought it prudent her mother end things, so as not to hurt Boyle or his father more with the infidelity. Aw, she really does care about someone other than herself. Gina is growing!

Then, Terry is given a copy of Holt’s handbook courtesy of Rosa. Holt wrote that Terry should be in charge if the former is unavailable. He trusts Terry completely in this regard. Terry is rejuvenated with self-confidence, and advises Rosa to work in conjunction with the Sanitation Department on her case. One condition – she’s the primary. Success!

Next, Amy and Jake return to the 99th precinct from their luxurious honeymoon. Yes, Die Hard foreplay was heavily involved. They run into Holt in the elevator. He informs them that the mayor is reviewing Kelly’s proposal. Of course, Kelly retaliated by dissolving the bottom floor of the 99th precinct. Which means that everyone in the building is in Holt’s bullpen. Everyone. Welcome to the circus, Peraltiago. 

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Now, Brooklyn Nine-Nine has always boasted solid season premieres. Season 6 marks the chapter of something new, especially given Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s cancellation by FOX last year. Braugher was the MVP of “Honeymoon,” and watching Holt’s stoic existential crisis was simultaneously hysterical and heartbreaking. I also loved Amy’s growth in this episode, made apparent when she stood up to Holt. She’s currently hoot-less and I’m here for it. Boyle’s new family drama will be interesting to explore, as will the dynamic between Amy and Jake. What will they be like as a married couple? Can we expect a baby Peralta in the near future? Join me next week as I continue to recap Brooklyn Nine-Nine, here on Geek Girl Authority. 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9pm on your NBC affiliate. 

 

 

Melody McCune

Before moving to Los Angeles after studying theater in college, I was born and raised in Amish country, Ohio. No, I am not Amish, even if I sometimes sport a modest bonnet. I also work publicity for WhedonCon, a convention celebrating the works of Joss Whedon. I love cheese. I love geek. I love lamp.