DISCLAIMER: This recap of Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode “Debbie” contains more spoilers than the number of WPM Amy can read in one sitting. Speed reading is serious stuff. You’ve been warned. Proceed with caution. 

Welcome back, Nine-Niners! Brooklyn Nine-Nine returned this week with a Debbie-centric episode. The Nine-Nine investigated themselves after a massive amount of cocaine and machine guns were nicked from the evidence locker. Everyone immediately knew Debbie was the culprit. What followed was a coke-fueled romp to Debbie’s lavish mansion to wait for a notorious crime boss for a drug deal. To be frank, this wasn’t my favorite Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode. Debbie’s mannerisms are irksome and seldom endearing. However, our main characters delivered comedic gold as per their usual. Amy and Holt’s impromptu speed reading competition was laugh-out-loud funny. Jake’s witty one-liners are always reliable and good for a chuckle. 

Alright, ready to delve into “Debbie?” Let’s get to it. 

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Now, we open with Debbie (Vanessa Bayer) waltzing into the precinct attempting to act inconspicuous but failing miserably. Everyone is aware that Debbie stole the aforementioned items from the evidence locker. Terry (Terry Crews) and Amy (Melissa Fumero) try to usher Debbie aside for a chat, but the latter is already planning her escape. Thankfully, Norm Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller), Protector of the Fridge, stepped in and knocked Debbie unconscious. Get it, Scully!

Andy Samberg and Vanessa Bayer in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Debbie” — Episode 705 — Pictured: (l-r) Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta, Vanessa Bayer as Debbie Fogel — (Photo by: John P. Fleenor/NBC)

Next, Debbie reveals to Terry in the interrogation room that yes, she did steal the coke and guns. She’s indebted to a notorious crime boss who wants her to make the drop soon. Debbie did it all for money to fund her ailing father’s expensive and life-saving surgery. Jake (Andy Samberg) sympathizes with her, while Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) reveals she doesn’t feel sorry for Debbie. In addition, Jake believes they should zero in on the crime boss and take him out. That’s when Jake comes up with a plan. He pretends to be working for the same boss and he “breaks” Debbie out of holding. Rosa also tags along and feigns being under said boss’ employ. 

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Later, the trio arrive at Debbie hotel room. We see the cocaine and machine guns are present. She’s been instructed to wait by her burner phone for info on the drop. Then Debbie, in a fit of nerves, decides to do cocaine. A lot of it. As one does. She begins carelessly waving a pair of guns about, much to Jake and Rosa’s detriment. Next, Debbie’s boss orders her to drop off the paraphernalia in two hours’ time. 

Stephanie Beatriz and Andy Samberg in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Debbie” — Episode 705 — Pictured: (l-r) Stephanie Beatriz as Rosa Diaz, Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta — (Photo by: John P. Fleenor/NBC)

Meanwhile, Amy and Holt (Andre Braugher), along with Terry and Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) are rummaging through Debbie’s massive diary collection. She apparently kept extensive and intricately detailed accounts of her day. Holt and Amy decide to engage in a friendly speed reading competition. The result: instant hysterics. God, I love these two. My favorite line from the episode: “These old eyes are gonna speed read your tombstone, son.” Oh, Holt. Never change. 

Next, the trio arrive at Debbie’s opulent mansion. She reveals that her brother paid for her father’s surgery, so she gets to keep the drug money. Jake is finding it increasingly difficult to sympathize with Debbie. Rosa is bound to a chair, while Jake attempts to weasel the guns away from the drugged out Debbie. Suddenly, Debbie’s mother arrives on the scene. Debbie also restrains her to a chair, which is now becoming a pattern. Jake feigns to be Debbie’s boyfriend and introduces himself to Debbie’s mom. Debbie has a burgeoning crush on our favorite Nine-Nine bad boy with a heart of gold, so she falls headfirst for the ruse. When Jake is close enough to Debbie, he attempts to snatch the guns. However, Debbie’s advanced martial arts abilities render him inert – and tied to a chair. 

Still of Vanessa Bayer in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Debbie” — Episode 705 — Pictured: Vanessa Bayer as Debbie Fogel — (Photo by: John P. Fleenor/NBC)

Then, our crew back at the precinct discover that Debbie confides everything to her mother. Terry reveals that Jake, Rosa, and Debbie are missing in action from the hotel room, along with the evidence locker stuff. Meanwhile, at the mansion, Debbie’s mother chastises her daughter and promptly disowns her. Rosa reveals that she too was bullied by her parents. She wishes that her parents showed more unconditional love instead of “tough love.” We see tears welling in Rosa’s eyes, and this is a wonderful moment for Beatriz. Rosa’s vulnerability is a thing of beauty. Then, she vows to help Debbie receive a lessened punishment when all is said and done. Debbie, touched by this display, releases Rosa and the duo hug it out. 

Later, Debbie’s boss arrives with his lackeys. He grills Debbie on the whereabouts of the goods. Suddenly, Jake and Rosa are flanked at Debbie’s sides brandishing machine guns. Crime boss guy and his henchmen also procure their weaponry. However, before anything gets too gruesome, the Nine-Nine pulls up in their squad cars. Crime boss guy grabs Debbie and points a gun at her head. But he underestimates Debbie’s physical prowess, and that becomes his downfall. Debbie wriggles out of his grasp and knocks him to the ground. Boom!

Still of Andy Samberg in Brooklyn Nine-Nine

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “Debbie” — Episode 705 — Pictured: Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta — (Photo by: John P. Fleenor/NBC)

Next, presumably the following day, Rosa reveals to Jake that she was serious about helping Debbie. She told the DA that Debbie fully cooperated with them and the stolen goods were returned to the evidence room. Well, save the block of cocaine Debbie did. Thus, she may only receive a 10-year prison sentence as opposed to 30 years or life. Jake and Rosa vow to never tell anyone they were physically bested by Debbie Fogel. That’s probably for the best, you guys. 

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Now, there were still some worthy and notable gems in this episode. Rosa’s raw honesty was so refreshing and an overall tender scene. Again, Holt and Amy’s competition was delightful. Jake’s awkward moments throughout the episode provided oodles of adorable levity. To me, Debbie was a bit much, akin to Gina. Regardless, I will love Brooklyn Nine-Nine for the rest of time. 

Do you think we’ll see Debbie again? When will we get that blessed Peraltiago baby? Will everyone and everything stop sh*tting on Rosa? Please? Join me next week as I recap Brooklyn Nine-Nine, here on Geek Girl Authority. 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 8:30pm on your NBC affiliate.