DISCLAIMER: This recap of Brooklyn Nine-Nine‘s “The Tattler” contains more spoilers than the number of times Gina has solved a problem through the art of dance. Gina Linetti didn’t headline her former dance troupe “Floorgasm” for nothing. You’ve been warned. Proceed with caution. 

Welcome back, Nine-Niners! Brooklyn Nine-Nine continues to make our Thursdays exponentially brighter. We were reminded just how great Jake and Gina are together. Our favorite Denim Crew members attended their high school reunion, where secrets aplenty were revealed. The episode ended on a bittersweet note – Gina realizing her talents exceeded beyond the 99th precinct was simultaneously hopeful and heartbreaking. One simply cannot move on from the human form of the 100% emoji. It just isn’t done. 

Alright, ready to delve into “The Tattler?” Just be sure to keep Amy away from the Administration office. Nothing revs Santiago’s engine like paperwork. 

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We open with Jake (Andy Samberg) and Gina (Chelsea Peretti) making their grand entrance into the bullpen dressed in matching denim outfits. Back in high school they were the “Denim Crew,” and they ruled the roost with a denim fist. Jake reveals that their 20-year high school reunion is nigh. Boyle (Joe Lo Truglio) vocalizes his hope that none of his former classmates will bring up the “tattler” scenario from Jake’s senior year. Jake regales our crew with the story of his fall from grace. He was invited to party with the school’s resident popular guy, Brandon Bliss. They were planning to steal a van, hightail it to Brandon’s family cabin and get inebriated like it’s 1999. Unfortunately, someone reported the duo’s plan to the principal, resulting in Brandon’s suspension. Jake was the scapegoat and everyone dubbed him “the tattler.” Not very toight or noice if you ask me. 

Later, Jake, Gina and Amy (Melissa Fumero) arrive at the reunion. Everyone is donning ’90s apparel, and I’m currently wandering down memory lane. Every classmate that comes in contact with Jake refers to him as “the tattler,” but he hopes to utilize the reunion as a means of clearing his name. Amy reminds him that they’re detectives, after all. Peraltiago is on the case! Gina meanders around the gym and tells as many boldfaced lies regarding her life as humanly possible. Oh, Gina. You did not invent apps! 

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “The Tattler” Episode 603 — Pictured: (l-r) Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta, Melissa Fumero as Amy Santiago — (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

Meanwhile, Terry (Terry Crews) is listening to a radio show with Hitchcock (Dirk Blocker) and Scully (Joel McKinnon Miller). Said show consists of a game where a mysterious sound is played on the air and listeners are encouraged to call with their answers as to what it is. Whoever guesses correctly wins a cash prize, and our trio is hellbent on winning. Holt (Andre Braugher) scoffs at their frivolous game, insisting that one can only have fun if one is being productive. However, Holt joins in on the festivities when it’s time to guess what the mystery sound is. 

Next, Rosa (Stephanie Beatriz) approaches Boyle with a dilemma. She’s currently dating two people, and both of them discovered each other through Rosa’s social media. Now, she’s being forced to choose between the two. Thus, she asks Boyle for his input. He suggests they use a series of tests to aid Rosa in the decision making process. Boyle is nothing if not thorough. 

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “The Tattler” Episode 603 — Pictured: Stephanie Beatriz as Rosa Diaz — (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

Then, Gina’s web of lies spins out of control at the reunion. She approaches a former classmate with an app idea: it’s Tinder but for toddlers. This classmate is interested in investing in her fake idea. Meanwhile, Amy asks Jake to retrace his steps on the fateful day Brandon was suspended. The pair realizes they need to figure out who was in class with Jake that day. Amy and Jake break into the Administration office, utilizing the computer to access a class registry from 20 years ago. Jake narrows it down to one of the football players, believing this classmate to be the real tattler. Success! 

Now, Jake and Amy spot the football player in question from the former’s third period class. Amy ushers away said football player with ease, whisking him off to an empty classroom so he can talk to Jake. 


Meanwhile, Terry and Holt have figured out the mystery sound from the radio show. Terry enthusiastically calls in with his answer. However, he was wrong. Terry apologizes to Holt for wrangling him into a frivolous game, but the latter realizes that he had fun. He enjoyed wasting time on something fruitless. How very not Holt of him. 

Then, we see Boyle is drilling Rosa with a plethora of questions. Rosa refuses to name drop her lovers, but refers to them as “Quinoa” and “Couscous” as per Boyle’s request. Unfortunately, the process fell short of success. Boyle launches another method – he urges Rosa to hang upside down by her feet so blood will rush to the “decision making” part of her brain. Like a bat!

Next, Jake interrogates the football player with Amy in tow. The light bulb flicks on, and Jake discovers that Gina was the real tattler. Gina finds Jake and she explains that the latter was going down a bad path in high school. Brandon would’ve made Jake’s life infinitely worse. Plus, Brandon was absent from the reunion because he was on parole and forbidden to leave Delaware. Jake is irritated with Gina for allowing to be the scapegoat for two decades. Not toight, nor is it noice. 

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE — “The Tattler” Episode 603 — Pictured: (l-r) Andy Samberg as Jake Peralta, Melissa Fumero as Amy Santiago — (Photo by: Vivian Zink/NBC)

Later, Holt decides to team up with Terry, Hitchcock and Scully for another round of the radio show game. He can’t wait to regale Kevin with his newfound knowledge – that having fun can be mindless. Welcome to life with the majority of the human race, Holt. 

Then, Gina is speaking with another classmate about investing in her fake app idea. Unfortunately, he refuses to continue collaborating with her after discovering that she was lying. Jake swoops in and gives a marvelous speech elevating our Linetti into the heavens. But said classmate also admits that he was lying about having experience in startups. 

Meanwhile, Rosa is still hanging upside down. Boyle’s methods are futile, and Rosa is zero steps closer to figuring out who she wants to date. Quinoa puts the kibosh on their relationship via text. Boyle remarks that this act essentially makes the decision for Rosa. Thus, Rosa will stick with Couscous. I prefer couscous over quinoa anyways. 

Now, Jake and Gina are having a chat. Jake apologizes for being upset with Gina for the tattler bit. He realizes that she had his best interests at heart. Jake urges Gina to put her talents to better use – quit the 99th precinct. If she really wants to run her own business, she should focus on that. Gina takes Jake’s advice and verbally states her decision to quit the nine-nine. My heart is utterly broken, but I hope we’ll hear of Gina running her own empire someday. 

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Season 6 is off to a fantastic start, and I know Brooklyn Nine-Nine will keep that momentum going. I feel as if the shift to NBC was a minor refresher for the series itself. Firstly, we know that Peretti will have her swan song soon. This is the first time we’ll deal with a major character departure. Not to mention, there’s still the newlyweds life of Jake and Amy to contend with. Rosa fully living her truth out in the open and exploring her sexuality. The options are limitless. Here’s hoping we get to explore those uncharted waters in Season 6!

How outlandish and fabulous do you think Gina’s “swan song” will be? Will Holt retaliate against Commissioner Kelly? Speaking of Kelly, is that the name of Scully’s wife or his dog? Join me next week as I recap Brooklyn Nine-Nine, here on Geek Girl Authority. 

Brooklyn Nine-Nine airs Thursdays at 9pm on your NBC affiliate.