This article was originally published on 8/14/22.
Thank you to Scholastic Books / Edelweiss for a copy of The Feeling of Falling in Love for an honest review.
Summary
Just days before spring break, Neil Kearney is set to fly across the country with his childhood friend (and current friend-with-benefits) Josh, to attend his brother’s wedding — until Josh tells Neil that he’s in love with him and Neil doesn’t return the sentiment.
With Josh still attending the wedding, Neil needs to find a new date to bring along. And, almost against his will, roommate Wyatt is drafted.
At first, Wyatt (correctly) thinks Neil is acting like a jerk. But when they get to LA, Wyatt sees a little more of where it’s coming from. Slowly, Neil and Wyatt begin to understand one another … and maybe, just maybe, fall in love for the first time … — from the publisher.
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Gimme all the tropes
Oh, do I love me a good romance trope. And Mason Deaver delivers. The one I’ll talk about here is right in the summery — fake dating. It’s not an easy trope to pull off, but when done correctly, oh man, is it awesome. Here, it works well because, frankly, I can believe that two 16-year-olds would think this was a good idea.
I mean no offense to teenagers — I genuinely believe y’all are some of the most intelligent people out there. I just remember the romance-related things I thought were a good idea versus now. (Not that I don’t still make poor decisions; I just make different types of poor choices.)
Living among the tropes are (mini) subversion of tropes. I won’t spoil any of that, but it was excellent!
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They/them
I figured going in that Mason Deaver would handle gender/trans/queer things in general well. After all, it was their book I Wish You All the Best that helped me realize I’m nonbinary. But I don’t know if I was expecting The Feeling of Falling in Love to get this real. From the very frank descriptions of dysphoria and dysmorphia, to wearing surgery scars as a badge of pride while simultaneously being nervous for people to see them, all the way through to not being sure about labels, this was a masterpiece.
Also: pronouns. At one point, a character* asks Neil to refer to them by they/them pronouns, but not to tell other people yet. You may think … well, OK, if Neil’s the only one who knows, when is he gonna refer to them using third-person pronouns? Oh, it matters.
Because all the narration shifts at that point. Immediately. The character’s pronouns become “they/them” in Neil’s mind. Even that tiny change in how someone else perceives you is so powerful. And trust me, you can tell when someone has shifted the way they see you and when they haven’t.
*I don’t generally think of gender or sexuality as spoilers, but since this info isn’t in the summary, I’m not revealing it.
Beautiful and dirty rich
I was not expecting The Feeling of Falling in Love to be about economic inequality — and it was about that — as much as it was a romance or an exploration of gender identity or family dynamics. Yes, it’s a stereotype that Neil doesn’t recognize his immense class and wealth privilege and treats Wyatt like crap because of things like second-hand clothing and old iPhones.
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However, it’s not an improbable stereotype — especially when I remember these kids are in high school. I went to NYU for university, and while my family was by no means low-income, my means were not in the same ballpark as that of the children of the Hollywood elite with whom I studied.
The first iPhone came out while I was in uni. I remember being so proud that I finally got a pink Razr flip phone, only to see everyone around me with their iPhones. Some even teased me for being excited about my phone.
Anyway, Neil is kind of a jerk to the point where you might wonder why Wyatt puts up with him. I certainly did at times. It certainly helps that the chip on Wyatt’s shoulder is large, and seeing how obnoxious Neil’s family is goes a long way towards helping the pair reconcile their differences.
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The struggle is real
The grass isn’t always greener. Having two moms doesn’t mean your life is easy. Being rich doesn’t mean your life is easy. It just changes the problems you deal with, but in the end, everyone has problems. I felt simultaneously seen and attacked by the level of hurt and fear Neil feels, lol.
Speaking of … I understand that people want (and deserve) closure, but if someone tells you they don’t love you and that the relationship is over, that should be the end of that. Begging and begging starts to get a bit uncomfortable. A minor, yet v. important, issue I can’t leave out of this review.
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Should you read it?
💯. And if this review hasn’t made that clear up to this point, my apologies, for I’ve failed at my job. Mason Deaver is an author I wished for as a kid but still need in my thirties. The Feeling of Falling in Love is no exception to the fantastic work they’ve put out so far. It was painful, cathartic and utterly sweet.
The Feeling of Falling in Love is out August 16. Pick up a copy at your local indie book store or library. ❤️🩹📚
https://www.geekgirlauthority.com/book-review-these-fleeting-shadows/
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