Another week, another quote-worthy Abbott Elementary episode. “Fight” finds Janine (Quinta Brunson) mediating a fierce disagreement between two students. At the same time, Gregory’s (Tyler James Williams) father, Martin Eddie (Orlando Jones), visits Abbott, eventually offering his son a career proposition. Ava (Janelle James) and Melissa (Lisa Ann Walter) join forces to dethrone Mr. Johnson (William Stanford Davis) as the reigning fantasy football champ. Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) and Jacob (Chris Perfetti) discover that Gregory is Planta Claus.
It’s a solid outing, punctuated by genuine moments of hilarity and heartwarming character beats. While it’s not a driving factor regarding the narrative, it’s lovely to witness Janine’s growth as she learns to sit with conflict. As someone who also had a turbulent childhood, I, too, run in the opposite direction when faced with conflict. Janine’s realization is emotionally resonant for me, as I’m sure it is for many others.
Below, I’ve compiled a list of quotes (and moments around the quotes) I loved from this week’s episode of Abbott Elementary. Class is in session!
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JANINE: I’m pretty sure that was “I’ll beam you up.” Like, clearly, she’s a Trekkie. She wants to beam her up on her ship. Her friend-ship.
Oh, Janine. Never change (unless it’s for yourself). Brunson’s delivery makes this quote 10 times funnier. I loved watching her try to convince herself that her disputing students don’t want to beat each other up but “beam” each other up in their ships because they’re Trekkies. Not that 8-year-olds can’t be Star Trek fans; however, let’s face it — we all heard a “t,” not an “m.”
BARBARA: Gregory, why would you sow secretly? Why would you prune privately? Why would you cull clandestinely? Hidden hoe-ing and whatnot?
JACOB: Barbara, hit him one more time.
BARBARA: Why would you be tight-lipped about tilling?
Gregory’s secret gardening has finally come to light, with one of Abbott Elementary‘s longest minor arcs finding a resolution. As Janine notes, he’s Planta Claus, indeed. Gregory’s father, a renowned local lawn care expert and proprietor, is impressed with his son’s know-how and initiative. Sheryl Lee Ralph, the Queen of Quotes, delivers delightfully an alliterative inquiry into Gregory’s gardening deception. It’s utterly satisfying (and chuckle-inducing) for this word nerd.
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JANINE: Look, my mom and sister used to fight all the time, and I would mediate. I was both the crisis negotiator and the hostage. I was Jack Bauer and Jack Bauer. And now they’re closer than ever.
JACOB: Doesn’t your sister live in Colorado?
Janine is a woman of many talents. Sometimes, she’s the crisis negotiator; other times, she’s the hostage. But she’s Jack Bauer every time. It wouldn’t be Abbott Elementary without a well-placed, witty pop culture reference. It also wouldn’t be Abbott Elementary without one character questioning the outcome of another’s anecdote. We don’t always view ourselves in a realistic light. Jacob’s merely reminding Janine that her story’s not 100 percent accurate (and we love her for that).
BARBARA: What in the Earth, Wind, and Fire is going on here?
Did you notice how Janine and Ava struggled to stop the cafeteria fight, but Mrs. Barbara Howard put the kibosh on it by simply uttering the above line? She is earth, wind and fire (Sorry, Earth, Wind & Fire). I believe she could end all wars in human existence, becoming a bastion of world peace.
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MELISSA: There’s no crying in fantasy football.
Okay, I mostly like this one because it references A League of Their Own (both the 1992 film and the 2022 series). I suppose I’d cry, too, if I failed to pull one over on Mr. Johnson and his Obama phone. Of course, he had assistance from Jacob, but still.
There’s only crying while watching Toy Story 3.
What quotes did you love from this week’s episode? Sound off in the comments below!
Abbott Elementary airs Wednesdays at 9/8c on ABC, with next-day streaming on Hulu.
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What I do: I'm GGA's Managing Editor, a Senior Contributor, and Press Coordinator. I manage, contribute, and coordinate. Sometimes all at once. Joking aside, I oversee day-to-day operations for GGA, write, edit, and assess interview opportunities/press events.
Who I am: Before moving to Los Angeles after studying theater in college, I was born and raised in Amish country, Ohio. No, I am not Amish, even if I sometimes sport a modest bonnet.
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