Farms, favors and freshwater intercourse — all in a day’s work on FOX’s Animal Control. Season 3 Episode 3, “Goats, Snakes, and Dogs,” shows us the softer side of Frank as he attempts to save a dog from being put down. This is what happens when you look back. Patel also falls victim to this when he steals a therapy goat. Victoria teaches Shred the art of extortion while Emily deals with the aftermath of her misbehaving officers. It’s a fun, humorous outing.
To celebrate another week of this low-stakes, endearing comedy, I’ve compiled a list of my favorite quotes from “Goats, Snakes, and Dogs.”
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Al Fresco
FRANK: “I can’t stand listening to you talk about freshwater intercourse anymore.”
SHRED: “It’s just al fresco sex, Frank. I don’t know where all this body shaming’s coming from.”
FRANK: “Oh, it’s not shaming. I’m just worried for the lake and the kids and the inner tubes who are swimming through your sex filth.”
Well, I guess it’d be more like kink shaming than body shaming, which is still uncool. Hey, at least Frank’s (Joel McHale) heart is in the right place — with nature and the kids (and the inner tubes). As for Shred (Michael Rowland), sometimes people just aren’t ready to hear about al fresco sex (nor will they ever be ready).
EMILY: “I’m gonna give him back to Precinct 13 so they can take him to get a belly rub from the Lord.”
Emily’s (Vella Lovell) animal metaphors in “Goats, Snakes, and Dogs” are pitch-perfect. To be fair, I would use these, too, to avoid saying a dog must shuffle off this mortal coil. Getting a “belly rub from the Lord” or “going to the farm in the sky” are less ominous-sounding than, you know, being put down.
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The Other Freezer
EMILY: “Patel, Precinct 13 is pissed. He was their therapy goat.”
PATEL: “Why do they get such a special goat?”
EMILY: “I don’t know — because it’s a brutal job. They have two freezers, and only one of them is for food.”
I don’t blame Patel (Ravi V. Patel). I wouldn’t think twice about stealing a therapy goat. Plus, having that little fella around would presumably cost less than paying for therapy with a human. He might also have better advice for dealing with SpongeGate. Side note: I don’t think it takes too much brain power to imagine what the other freezer in Precinct 13 is for. Sadness.
EMILY [reading]: “Officer rubbed his fingers together, licked his lips and said, and I quote, ‘would swing by to catch that kitty anytime.'”
SHRED: “Mistakes were made. But I can make it up to her. I’ll go by after work, bring her nice flowers, a bottle of wine…”
EMILY: “Good God, don’t do that.”
Emily is on fire in this episode, especially when she gets angry at Frank, Patel and Shred. Victoria (Grace Palmer) is our Kiwi angel (with lots of multicolored birth control in her pockets). Anyway, Shred shakes down one cat lady who believes he was also propositioning her. Hilarity ensues. Naturally, Shred tries to remedy the situation by bringing round flowers and wine, the very items one might use for seduction. Sweet, innocent Shreddy.
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Like Father, Like Son
JIMMY: “Don’t come back here until I’m dead.”
FRANK: “That’s fine. I can wait six months.”
Frank and his dad, Jimmy (John Procaccino), have a special relationship in that not a second passes without one spewing barbs at the other. It’s their love language. After Frank persuades Jimmy to take the German Shepherd so he doesn’t have to cross the rainbow bridge, Jimmy orders his son not to return to this diner until he’s dead. Of course, Frank is right there with a retort at the ready. Like father, like son.
What are your favorite quotes from Animal Control‘s “Goats, Snakes and Dogs”? Sound off in the comments below.
Animal Control airs new episodes every Wednesday at 9 pm EST on FOX, with next-day streaming on Hulu.
Geek Girl Authority Crush of the Week: EMILY PRICE
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What I do: I'm GGA's Managing Editor, a Senior Contributor, and Press Coordinator. I manage, contribute, and coordinate. Sometimes all at once. Joking aside, I oversee day-to-day operations for GGA, write, edit, and assess interview opportunities/press events.
Who I am: Before moving to Los Angeles after studying theater in college, I was born and raised in Amish country, Ohio. No, I am not Amish, even if I sometimes sport a modest bonnet.
Bylines in: Tell-Tale TV, Culturess, Sideshow Collectibles, and inkMend on Medium.
Critic: Rotten Tomatoes, CherryPicks, and the Hollywood Creative Alliance.
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